Our new bathroom sink and faucet, modeled by the fabulous Bridget.

So have I ever told you about my high school summer job? No? Yeah, there's a reason for that. However, Kristine's SPF last week (I'm behind - shut up) was partly about secrets and then jessica_deva tagged me with Four Things which is partly about jobs, and so I'm addressing both in one post: the summer job I keep secret because it's hella lame.

You need to know that in addition to this job I'm about to reveal, I also held the noble position of summer school teaching assistant. I was, after all, a motivated young woman determined to have some experience in her chosen field before college. The problem was that summer school was only half-days for 5 weeks. And so I needed another summer job that was flexible and that would fill the rest of my summer.

And so, under these conditions, I accepted employment as a Textbook Protection Technician. Okay fine, I made that title up just now. I was a book wrapper, okay? I put paper covers on textbooks. You remember back in elementary school when on the first day of school you were given your textbooks and also some paper covers (probably brown, most likely advertising whatever local business had donated them) and your teacher then instructed everyone to carefully wrap your textbooks in the paper covers so the books would last longer? You remember, right? And in the first month or so, you filled that paper cover with all sorts of pencil doodles? And then during the second month of school (or maybe the third, if you had been especially careful) the paper cover fell off due to the wear and tear that comes from shoving the book into your backpack (not to mention the holes you poked and tears you tore to encourage the dang thing to fall off because, really, how lame are textbook covers?!)? Yes, well that very textbook wrapping activity - the one you did in about 30 seconds as a first grader - is what I got paid minimum wage to do for three of my high school summers.

EXCEPT that the process I was part of was MUCH improved from the primitive book-wrapping technique you employed. I was part of a book wrapping team of eight, y'all. We had a four-step assembly line. Four people sat on one side of a table, and each book was passed down, first to the Folder, then the Cutter, then the Gluer, and then the Labeler. And this assembly line was mirrored on the other side of the table for a total of two (count 'em - TWO!) assembly lines.

The coolest position to have was Cutter. This person cut off the corner flaps in order to provide a clean fold for the Gluer. Cutting required both accuracy and speed. The flaps needed to be cut at just the right angle or glue would seep out and the book cover would be stuck to the last page of the book. And a fast cutter was highly valued because she could cut (literally - heh) several seconds off the process, meaning minutes saved on a stack of books (and thus more time to goof off during lunch). A truly talented cutter could actually cut for both assembly lines and still keep up. Cutting was also the most exhilarating because there was actual risk involved - scissors moving at that speed are dangerous.

Cutting was my forte; I was fucking fast, y'all. To this day hearing the snip-snip of scissors gets my adrenaline going. I also served as Folder and Gluer from time to time, but I was discouraged from being a Labeler because that task required neat handwriting. (Unfortunately, no one stopped to ask potential Labelers how well they could spell, and so as a result we left one high school with stacks of "Scocial Studies 9" textbooks.)

We wrapped every motherfucking textbook, elementary through high school, in the school division. Every Last One. It took us all fucking summer. But oh, the PRIDE I felt when those carefully wrapped textbooks were handed out the first day of school. The way my fellow students clearly admired the covers' clean lines, sharp corners, and tight fit (right before they dug a fingernail down the front and tore if off - sons of bitches), made it all worthwhile. Truly.

Okay, not really. I mean, come on, I wasn't a total loser. Truth is, the job kicked ass because I had a couple friends who also did it and so we spent all summer gossiping and spending on-the-clock time hanging out at the ice cream shop. Oh, and WE GOT TO DRIVE CAPRICE CLASSICS ALL OVER THE COUNTY. Kick ass. You haven't lived until you have raced a Caprice Classic over twisty, hilly country roads, getting so much air that not only does your ass leave the seat but your head actually hits the roof.

Those were the days.

1. Went to Target today and bought Outlast lipstick, per bloggers' recommendations. Looked at Colorstay as well but Outlast had a coupon. (And not one of those "$1 off NEXT purchase" piece of shit coupons, either.) Plan to do extensive testing to see if lipstick really stays put. But not anytime soon because...




2. Am fucking sick. Which, incidentally, means Bitch City. As in the noun, not the verb.




3. Watching MacGyver tonight. My brother gave Rob Season 4 on DVD. Kick ass.

Resolution

Last year's resolutions were so good that I'm keeping all of them. And also adding one: Spend more time with grandparents.

Favorite photo from 2005

Rob took this one. Click it to see more of our favorites.

As for the third category - what I'll be glad to leave behind in 2005? Right now, at this moment, I would have to say THIS MOTHER-FUCKING SINUS INFECTION. (I'll spare you the photo for this one.) Perhaps in my current state I am lacking perspective because, granted, that isn't actually the worst thing that happened in 2005. Although it might be a close second. All in all, it was a fantastic year.

I don't have photos for this week's SPF but I do have a sorta-relevant post. The yearbooks reminded me of it.

There is one person in high school I have a slight grudge against. We'll call her Alise because that is her name. Alise is the kind of person all of you would like immediately. She's bubbly, funny, smart, cute. A real likable gal. And that bitch stole the "Best All Around" senior superlative right out from under me.

EVERYONE in my group of friends got superlatives but me. One was Most Creative, one was Best to Take Home to Parents, one was something else I can't remember. Mr. Mojo was Most Likely to Succeed; Doreen was Best Smile. And I was supposed to be Best All Around. That one was MINE! Because I was SO the Best All Around.

Okay, so not really. I mean, I was pretty great all around, but maybe not the best. But I found out that several people had written my name down for Best All Around, so I was sorta excited. I was like, Huh, maybe I AM the Best All Around! You know what? Yes! Yes, I totally am!

But nooooo. I wasn't. Not so much. Apparently Alise, with her bubbliness and funniness and smartness and cuteness and general likableness, was Better All Around than me. Because she totally won. Got her picture in the yearbook and everything, looking all Best All Around-esque. The bitch. And the thing is? I was a close second. As I recall. And the other thing is? She was editor of the yearbook, so you KNOW the ballot-counting was rigged. I'm just saying.

Although actually, I think it was probably my fault. During 9th - 11th grades I was definitely working the Best All Around, but I slipped a little my senior year. As in, I was a bit of a bitch. Rob was far far away at college and I wanted to be far far away at college, too. I felt high school was so beneath me and that most of the people in the senior class were dumbfucks. (In my defense, it was and they were.) As a result, I might have been a bit of a snob. There was a group of people - the smart kids - with whom I was very Best All Around, but everyone else I pretty much pretended didn't exist. Which, I realize now, wasn't really Best All Around behavior. Nor was it wise politically because the underlings you snub in the hallways tend not to vote for you.

But I have to say that this was a turning point for me. I realized I would probably never be the Best All Around. I mean, it's hard work to be the best all the way around. I'm way too lazy for that. So I decided that I should try to be the best at just the things I'm already good at. And so I declared myself Best Nose in the Air, Class of 1998. And I'm proud to say that I've worn the title well ever since.

Our kitchen. Yes, Bridget is sitting on the counter. I swear everytime I bring out the camera to take pictures of the house for SPF, she situates herself so she's in the shot. Such an attention whore. And no, this is not the first time she has been on the counters. Because yes, she is allowed on them. Well, not allowed so much as not stopped. We can't control our cats - yet another reason we aren't sure about having children.

The window that looks like it is in the middle of an inside wall? It is. Sorta. We live in a remodeled 1950s farmhouse, and that kitchen wall used to be an exterior wall. An enclosed back porch was later added, which is what that window looks out onto now.

What I love about our kitchen: its size (you're seeing most of the room here, but not quite all of it: the stove and fridge are just to the right of the photo and the door that leads onto the back porch is just to the left), the layout, the storage space, the natural light.

Canisters

Pasta and rice jars

What I don't at all love about our kitchen: THE FLOWERY WALLPAPER. It's actually grapes, which does indeed sound cooler but still in fact looks...well, flowery. I am not a flowery person. I am not a wallpaper person. I am definitely not a flowery wallpaper person. When we decided to buy this house, I told Rob that the first thing to go would be the kitchen wallpaper. That was two years ago. It is still here. Because you see, it does a damn good job of incorporating the green of the kitchen (which I like) with all my blue stuff (canisters, plates, etc - which I also like). And because what I really want is a sunny yellow kitchen with white cabinets (basically, I want Cat's kitchen) which means we would need to do a major remodel and frankly we don't have the energy, skills, or money to do that. My next project, which is to stain the wooden stools, is much more my speed. I should at least tear down the wallpaper and paint the walls something pretty, though - suggestions?


Something random. This is my first Blingo prize, which came in the mail last week. I am posting it here for all you doubters who fear that perhaps Blingo is actually a hoax. It's not! You really do get free shit! It's for reals, y'all!

Come on now, be a joiner:

Something I made myself

I don't consider myself a particularly artsy or crafty person. At all. But each year I like to try out at least one new hobby, and for some reason I find myself drawn to artsy, crafty things. This year it has been knitting (although blogging has pretty much monopolized any time that might have been spent knitting - not that I'm complaining). Two years ago it was stained glass. I took a class in the fall and then proceeded to stress myself the fuck out by making stained glass gifts for everyone for Christmas. That burned me out on the hobby for a good while, but I think I'm ready to return to it again. (Just in time to stress myself the fuck out with Christmas presents. Again.)

For Doreen

For Rob's mom - matches her kitchen theme

(In case you're wondering, yes that is me and the reason I cropped my head off (whoa, that sounds way too much like chopped my head off) is because this was in my pre-cute haircut with highlights, pre-shaped eyebrows days, and there ain't NO WAY I am letting photos from that era see the light of the internet. HELL no.)


Tools of my hobby

I could spend hours in a stained glass store, running my fingers over the different textures of glass. But what I love best about stained glass is that you can't always tell what it can be until you hold it up to the light. I've often picked up some glass that looks muddy brown in its slot, lifted it to the light half-heartedly, and gasped at the colors that were revealed. And I love how that's a metaphor for a lot of things in life. You'd think I'd have come to expect it by now, but still those hidden colors always catch me off guard.

Some smaller pieces of glass

My glass scraps pile

Pictured here are most of my tools, including a glass cutter, grinder, copper foil, solder and soldering iron, and lots of different solutions that are applied for various purposes.

Something I want to give away

I made chocolate cupcakes for Simon and Maylee's birthday. (Look, it doesn't take much of a reason for me to make cupcakes, okay?) I feel the need to explain that those are peanut butter chips on top, not nuts. I am of the belief that nuts do not belong anywhere near cupcakes. Ever.

I made 2 dozen. Please take one. I am sitting them here for the taking. Help yourself.