Just ride-mowed my lawn, beer in hand. I'm classy like that.

We are about to embark on a family vacation. With my parents and brother. Just like old times. Lord help us.

My husband is a hero for going along with this.

I found out today that I passed the state EMT test. We took the test last week, but I didn't mention it here because I was afraid I'd jinx myself, especially after being all, "Paula and I are so awesome and totally the smartest ones in class." But turns out? We are awesome. And official EMTs!

Since January, I've spent every Tuesday and Thursday evening in class. Tonight will be the first evening without it, and I kinda miss it already. Is that lame? But at least I'll have time now for other stuff. I haven't read any books since class started. Except my EMT textbook, which I read cover to cover. All 952 pages. Even the sidebars. Because I am a nerd. And because our instructor challenged us to read it all. And so not only was I going to read it all, but I was going to be the FIRST person to read it all. Because I get great satisfaction from beating people in completely meaningless competitions that they don't even know they're in.

Last evening Rob and I were catching up on the Grey's Anatomy episodes we've missed, and we were watching the one where the dude got attacked by a bear. He steps out of the car clutching his abdomen, and as Cristina is helping him get to the gurney, he moves his hands and his intestines spill out. And I leaned over to Rob and said, "An evisceration. I know how to care for that." Which, I gotta admit, it feels pretty damn cool to be able to say.

I'm finally getting around to posting photos of our kitchen renovation. Not the photos you most want to see, I'm sure, but we haven't even begun to go through photos from our trip yet. Soon, I promise.

The kitchen project was really more of a refresh than a full renovation. Our goal was to improve the look of the room with minimal effort - specifically, without replacing the cabinets or countertop. This is not because we particularly like them, but because we didn't want to put that much money or effort into this project. We love this house, but it's not where we're going to live forever and we're not convinced dumping tons of money into it would be a worthwhile investment.

This project should have been done long ago (do you see that wallpaper?!), but I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. I really wanted white cabinets, but we didn't want to replace the cabinets and I was unsure how painting white over dark wood would turn out. It was William's herpes-free kitchen that finally inspired me and convinced me that painting cabinets could be done well. I emailed him for help, and he walked me through how he and Lauren had done everything. Thank you, William! You are totally my Bob Vila.

Before

After

Once I had decided on the white cabinets, we chose a wall color that would work okay with the counters, which are flecked with various shades of green. The "after" photo above is most true to the wall color - the one below makes it look a little more kelly green than it actually is.

Rob helped me iron the walls and install the knobs and pulls, but pretty much everything else I did by myself during my week of spring break. All that's left is to replace the floor and we're totally hiring someone to do that.

(I'm sure you'll all notice that Bridget is on the counter in two of the photos. Further proof that I'm a pathetic pushover parent. I'd also like to point out the Yoshi calendar on the side of our fridge. Best calendar EVER.)

Before

After

EMT class has been going on long enough now that I'm completely comfortable with my classmates. Still, we don't really know each other all that well. Sometimes I wonder what sort of impression these people have of me. Thinking back to last week's classes, there are three scenes that stand out in particular as moments that may illustrate how I'm viewed by the class.

*****

Class begins, and I immediately raise my hand and say, "I have a question." I then pause for a moment before adding, "I don't know why I bother to preface my question by stating that I have a question, given that I always have a question." The class chuckles at this BECAUSE IT IS TRUE. And then the instructor says, "How about from now on I just start the class with, 'Kelly, do you have a question?'" I laugh and say, "And I will. I WILL."

*****

A classmate asks if anyone has a cough drop, and I respond that I think I have one in my handbag. I proceed to plop my purse onto the table and dig through it in pursuit of the cough drop, muttering "I know I have one somewhere..." and "I swear I saw it just the other day." I have officially become my mother. No, my grandmother. As I search, someone says, "Yeah, she'll have one. She's got everything in there." I find this comment curious since I can't recall ever having produced, for this group, anything from my purse except a stick of gum, and who doesn't carry gum in their bag? Still, as I sift through the contents I conclude that their assumption is accurate. I encounter several pens (one broken), tissues, lotion, restaurant receipts, empty candy wrappers, list-laden Post-It notes, multiple over-the-counter drugs, a year's supply of tampons and pantyliners, lip glosses galore, countless coupons, a cell phone, an iPod, a flash drive, two passports and, finally and triumphantly, one lint-covered cough drop!

*****

Paula and I are practicing scenarios in class, and our "patient" is a person who has slit her wrist in an attempted suicide. She is, for obvious reasons, not cooperating. When Paula starts to put an oxygen mask on her, the patient shoves it away. Paula looks at the instructor's assistant, unsure how to handle this. "Be a little more forceful," he suggests. As she tries again, I look at the patient and say in my take-no-shit voice, "Put it on and SUCK IT UP." (This has since become the motto of the class.)

Apologies for lame update post but there just is no time right now....

1. Last week I went on my first rescue squad call. Lights and sirens and everything. Wooo!

2. The godawful motherfucking wallpaper is gone! I've finally finished, using the iron/DIF/wine method. (Remove top layer by steaming with iron and bottom layer by squirting with DIF. Throughout process, guzzle wine.) And this week is spring break, so I'm working my ass off on the rest of the kitchen.

3. I'm back on track with the dentist. No cavities! And the hygienist says we can just forget that one ever happened. And I got brownie points for my choice of gum. She asked if I chew gum, and I told her I chew sugarfree. "Do you know which brand?" she asked.

"Orbit."

She smiled and nodded her head in approval.

"Is that a good one?" I asked.

"A very good one," she praised.

In other words, I get an A+.

(Which reminds me of a recent mini-story. We were having a conversation with my family about blood types. I asked Rob what his blood type was, and he said, "I think I have A-plus." And I chuckled and said, "You mean A positive?" And he said, "I guess. All I know is the card says A-plus." My brother laughed, then rolled his eyes and said, "Geez, even Rob's blood is really smart.")

At a conference last week I was introduced to Flocabulary, which is a resource that uses rap and hip-hop to teach vocabulary words. This shit almost makes me want to be an English teacher again. (Almost.) Even better than playing the songs would be having the kids write their own.

I keep listening to this one, totally wishing I could download it to my iPod. Because I am a major nerd. I mean, it's definitely no Eminem in musical or verbal prowess, but still. A song that uses "ameliorate" and "amalgamation" in its lyrics?! Holy fuck.