well since you asked or, exhibits B and C
kelly | 3 May 2005 - 11:32am
In the comments of my last post, mrtl asked "Can it get any worse than this? How did he respond?" My answer to that is a post all its own.
How did he respond?
Like a true gentleman: "I think you meant this for [our last name]." That was it. The response was so stoic I laughed out loud. But to be honest, a stoic response was the last thing I wanted. Because when you accidentally send a sexy message to someone about your slot, you really need to know that person's reaction in order to move on with your life. I mean, did he find it hysterical or horrifying? Does he think "Oh she's so clever and cute. And good for Rob, gettin' some." Or does he think, "And she used to be so smart and together in high school...what the hell happened?" Not sure what he thinks, but I am sure that when I pick up Rob at work today, I'm going to stay in the car instead of going in to get him. I think it may be a bit too soon for me or my slot to be anywhere near Mr. Mojo.
Can it get any worse than this?
Perhaps. Decide for yourself...
One day a few months ago, I realized it was Rob's dad's birthday and emailed Rob something along the lines of "Shit, we forgot your dad's birthday." Only (you guessed it) I sent it to his dad instead. Don't ask me how. The only thing I can figure is that since I had his dad on my mind, I addressed it to him.
Rob's first year of college was my senior year of high school. Oh, the adolescent angst of being APART. His closest friends were the girls who lived down the hall from him, and he spent a lot of time in their room. This drove me nuts, partly because I was pathetic and partly because he had gone off to college with the intention of "leaving his dating options open." (Yeah, I know, FUCKER.) And he emailed me one evening to say that he was in Z's room because Z had just broken up with her high school boyfriend and she was upset. I immediately took this to mean, 1) Rob might be considering breaking up with me and, 2) if not, he will be considering it after Z begins a makeout session with him while he is trying to comfort her. So I replied with a scathing email about Z, sharing my perspective that she was an idiot to break up with said boyfriend and that she was most certainly after Rob, bitch moan blah blah blah. Not my best moment. Especially since Rob had emailed me from Z's room, Z's computer, and Z's email account, and so my reply went, in fact, to Z. Turns out, Z was not after Rob and her boyfriend was a complete scumbag and the last thing she needed during her breakup crisis was a bitchy email from a brat like me.
After reviewing all of these fiascos, I'm thinking it might be best if I never send email again. Consider it my service to the community.
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Oh, dear. Well, we didn't know you had a history of this sort of thing.
Kelly, STEP AWAY FROM THE "SEND" BUTTON.
LadyBug is right...c'mon everybody, WE HAVE TO RESTRAIN KELLY before she hurts herself or anyone else. Must...cut...her...off...
Well, at least you didn't send the slot email to Rob's dad. That could've been, uh, family reunion suicide.
Kelly, you must find closure on this Boss Rob email fiasco. I think it deserves an apologetic phone call in order to get his initial response out of him. If I turned red while reading it, I'm sure he did as well. He probably just feels dirty getting turned on by someone with such a cute cut and highlights coupled with amazing penguin swiping capabilities.
But Robyn, it might be kelly-sensory-overload for Mr. Mojo to not only receive an email from Kelly, but a phonecall, too!! What if he thinks she now wants phone sex? Gotta be careful, I think. ;-)
LadyBug, my hands are raised and I am stepping away. Carefully. Looks like my emailin' days are over...
Robyn, you get the award for the perfect comment. You're funny AND somehow your description of me ("cute cut and highlights coupled with amazing penguin swiping capabilities") actually made me sound like the Perfect Woman. Amazing. But a phone call? Honey, where are you from...Oklahoma?
Doreen, on the other hand, is wise beyond her years. And given that she has the advantage of actually knowing Mr. Mojo in real life, I'm gonna have to agree that phone sex (er, a phone call, I mean) would be a bad idea.
Whew, Doreen, good save! I can only imagine how that innocent phone call could quickly derail. Ms. K, I sure am from Okiehoma and, uh, sorta proud of it.
K, I'm so glad I get the award for something today. My current post is so fabulously entertaining that I'm sure no one will read my blog ever again. You gave me an idea, though. I should spice up my blog with some phone sex with a man with the same name as my husband. Classy, baby, classy.
A few years ago, I was doing a series of shows in Vancouver. I stayed with a very close friend, in her new house. I did the shows by night, but because I'm a handy kinda guy I'd spend the days helping her get settled in - painting, doing some plumbing and carpentry, a bunch of guy stuff. Since she didn't have a guy in her life, it probably saved her a whack of money.
I got home, and a week or so later I get a long e-mail, detailing how nice it was to have her own space back, and how I'd promised to do this or that but didn't get around to it, and how it's probably because performers can be so self-absorbed and yadda yadda. Odd, says I. Then it became clear she'd meant to send it to another friend, not me.
Yikes.
I was hurt and angry. But ... I just took a deep breath, pushed "Reply" and said "You may want to update your address book."
It's all good now. I guess. Kinda.
Robyn, granted, my Oklahoma remark was a low blow. But remember what I said about kicking the ones I love... :)
And you really shouldn't knock this phone sex with a man who has your husband's name idea. Think about it: If you get confused and scream the Phone Sex Man's name while with your husband, he'll never be the wiser. Not that I've given this much thought...
And OMG, Nilbo, I am sitting here, eyes bugging out, hand over my mouth in sheer horror. And I'm just gonna say it: What a bitch. No really, don't defend her. She's a biznotch and you are very classy.
K, none taken. And yes, I remember. The kicking thing was tattooed into my brain by your foot.
I'm not from Oklahoma anyway, I'm from North Dakota. If anybody got somethin' to say about that, I'll tell HDL and she'll come slap somebody.
Really K, no offense taken. It's all good.
Rob is one of the top individuals in my 120 person organization, and, indeed, in our entire 300 person company. Moreover, when we are a 100,000 person company, he will still be at the top.
I replied simply for one reason. Upon receiving Kelly's email, my only concern and my only thought was that Rob must be as good at home as he is in the office.
That's good, I guess, Mr. Mojo ... you know, as long as the job descriptions don't match ...
Thanks, Robyn. :)
Um, hi Mr. Mojo. [blush] Indeed, Rob is as good at home, although he's rarely on top. (Wait, I just did the too-much-information thing again, didn't I?) I'm going to assume that you're bragging about Rob in order to diplomatically avoid admitting that you think I'm a lunatic. Thank you for not embarrassing me in front of my friends.
And Nilbo, you may be on to something. Note to self: Find Rob's job description. What exactly does he do, anyway?
::singing:: This bed is on fire with passion and love
The neighbors complain about the noises above... la la la she's on top
Kelly, a disability such as this really should be covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act. Have you considered assistive technology? Surely there is something Rob could insert in your slot -- the geeky sexiness of this still makes me want to snort my Bailey's and cream out my nose -- that will cause some kind of alert pop up, asking if you really want to send an email.
Oh, that is too funny! I think it's best if you DO abondon the emailing. Or at least learn to double check the address!
OMG! No more emailing for you. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thanks for the morning laugh!
mrtl, I love it when you sing. :) And thank you for pointing out that this is completely Rob's fault for not providing me with the proper technology for my condition.
Ern: "Or at least learn to double check the address!" I know, I mean it seems SO OBVIOUS, huh? What is wrong with me?!!
lawbrat, sadly, I believe refraining from email is the logical next step. And I'm glad you could laugh at my expense. No, really. :)