UPDATE:

RzDrms found the fitted sheet! I am not even kidding. Read the comments. She is a GENIUS! Or she's got cameras set up in our house....which, whatever, I don't even care. She found the fitted sheet! BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE INTERNET, people.

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We have lost a fitted sheet. I know. That seems impossible. I mean, it's not like it ever leaves the house, not like we take our own sheets to hotels or something. And yet, this household is less one fitted sheet.

It's a little embarrassing, really. A bit like losing...I don't know, a boat sail? A parachute? Rob has looked everywhere, and I have looked everywhere. Yes, even behind the dryer. Even behind and under the drawer where we store the sheets. Even under the bed. Even in the shower, although really why the hell would it be there?

Usually when something is lost we blame the cats. Because what else are they good for? In this case, they would each have had to grab a corner of the sheet in their teeth and scooted, together, to a secret hiding place.

So far this is our best theory. Because how else does a person lose a fitted fucking sheet?