UPDATE:

RzDrms found the fitted sheet! I am not even kidding. Read the comments. She is a GENIUS! Or she's got cameras set up in our house....which, whatever, I don't even care. She found the fitted sheet! BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE INTERNET, people.

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We have lost a fitted sheet. I know. That seems impossible. I mean, it's not like it ever leaves the house, not like we take our own sheets to hotels or something. And yet, this household is less one fitted sheet.

It's a little embarrassing, really. A bit like losing...I don't know, a boat sail? A parachute? Rob has looked everywhere, and I have looked everywhere. Yes, even behind the dryer. Even behind and under the drawer where we store the sheets. Even under the bed. Even in the shower, although really why the hell would it be there?

Usually when something is lost we blame the cats. Because what else are they good for? In this case, they would each have had to grab a corner of the sheet in their teeth and scooted, together, to a secret hiding place.

So far this is our best theory. Because how else does a person lose a fitted fucking sheet?

We just got back from five days in New York City. One morning I decided to pop by The Today Show to see them film some of the outdoor segments. I don't watch this show very often, but I have a crush on Meredith Vieira from her days on The View. And also, I think Matt Lauer is cute.

I got to see Matt, Meredith, and Al all do segments. (Ann Curry was on assignment.) After her segment, Meredith spent a very long time talking to people in the crowd and signing autographs. She was utterly gracious and seemed sincerely interested in chatting with people. At this point I was at the back of the crowd and couldn't make contact with her, not that I would have anyway. I'm sorta shy like that. Unless it's John Stamos and then I would totally jump him. And by jump him I mean hide in a corner and hyperventilate.

I couldn't help but wonder if she was wearing underwear.

Pretty sure the older woman in black just pinched his ass.

Giving me The Ear Tug, which everyone knows means "Wait for me in my dressing room."

Then Kathie Lee Gifford appeared. I did not find her to be gracious or sincere like Meredith, but I took her picture anyway. Because she is famous. And my mother likes her.

Thinks she's hot stuff, I'm just saying.

By this time I had worked my way to the front of the crowd, and not long after they taped a segment directly in front of me. In other words, I was one of those people you always see in the background holding signs and looking entirely too perky for the time of day. (However, I was not holding a sign nor was I particularly perky.)

Hoda Kotb blocked me from the camera for much of the segment, but near the end she shifted and then I saw myself on the monitor. I did not know if I should look at the camera or the people doing the segment. What I really wanted to watch was the monitor because that is me! On TV! So I think I might have looked here and there and everywhere and appeared to be a total goon. Being on national TV is hard, y'all.