One of the tests I had done during what shall be known as The Suckazoic Era was a hearing test, because my ears have/had been ringing for over 6 weeks. I've never had a hearing test before, but I've always thought that I have good hearing. I can often hear things that other people can't and in general my ears seem pretty sensitive.

I wanted very much to pass this hearing test. I don't even know if there is such a thing as passing or failing a hearing test, but the very fact that it was called a "test" meant that I felt strongly about passing it. I get this attitude with vision tests, too. I realize these things have nothing to do with my mental acuity and everything to do with the physical ability of these areas of my anatomy. But still, my perfect-student mentality kicks in and I MUST PASS. Excel, even.

I also do this with physical things only somewhat within my control. Like at the dentist, I'll ask the hygienist if I have more or less or the same amount of plaque as the typical patient. (Much less, thank you very much.) And I'll ask my massage therapist if I have more or less or the same amount of tension knots as her average client. (Way more, which means this is something I need to work on, although I actually take a particular pride in knowing I carry more stress than most people. As if that means I'm more important or something.) Clearly I have superiority issues. As if you couldn't tell.

So I was very proud of myself when the ENT told me that in all the frequencies, my hearing ranges 10-20% better than the average adult. "You have excellent hearing," he said. "It's almost too good." Oh please. There is no such thing as too good.

At home that evening I bragged to Rob about my above-average hearing, explaining the chart to him and describing how far my scores were above the line that indicates normal. He didn't seem as impressed as I thought he should be, but that's probably just because his hearing is known to suck.

But since then some odd things have been happening. Rob keeps hearing things that I can't hear. One morning in bed he said, "What's that beeping?" I told him I didn't hear any beeping. "Listen...there it is. Beep-beep.....beep-beep. You can't hear that?" Nope, I couldn't.

On Saturday we were doing laundry and I failed to hear the buzzers every time they went off. "There's the laundry," Rob would say.
"It just went off? Just now?"
"Yeah...you didn't hear it?"

And then a few evenings ago we were outside in the hot tub and I heard a dog bark way off in the distance. Certain Rob wouldn't have heard it, I said (as a way to show off my keen hearing), "I hear barking over at the Thompsons'. I didn't know they had a dog." But Rob replied, "It's not over there. The sound is coming from this direction," pointing about 90 degrees from where I thought I heard it. I listened closer, straining to determine the source. He was right - I think. Truth is, I couldn't really tell.

So now I'm not sure what to think about my excellent ears. Maybe hearing tests are like so many school tests, and the results don't translate to one's real world capabilities. Or, it's entirely possible that Rob is just fucking with me, perhaps because he can't stand the thought that I'm better than him at something. I mean, some people...they just have to be the best at everything. Gosh.