(WTF? Tuesday is brought to you by the haiku-spouting twig.)

• At the party we went to last weekend, this guy brought his 10-month old son, Emmet. He was standing near Rob and I, holding Emmet, and as his son drooled on his shoulder, the dude looked at Emmet and said in his best talking-to-baby voice, "Rob needs an Emmet. Yes he does! Yeah, I think Rob needs an Emmet." And then he looked up at us and sorta smirked and I gave Rob The Look - The Look I give at certain weddings when the minister talks about how the purpose of marriage is to procreate and then prays for the union to be blessed with children - The Look that says Hold me back before I rip this impertinent twit's eyes right out of his sockets. Rob chuckled uncomfortably and as we slunk away I said a special heathen prayer that Emmet might spit up all over his dear ol' dad. What does it take, people? What does it take to get people to NOT say shit like that to us? Somebody make me an "I hate babies" tshirt. Drastic times, drastic measures.




• And then there's Maylee. Speak of an impertinent twit. I am at my wit's end with this cat. You see, she loves water. And shiny things. And just recently she has discovered that the water bowls are an endless source of entertainment. Because she can splash her paws in the water. And OOH, look! When she moves the bowls, the water sloshes, catches the light, and is SHINY!! And so she slides the bowls all over the kitchen floor, spilling the water as she goes. I CANNOT keep water in these bowls. Our kitchen floor is always wet, the cats are always thirsty, and I am always a very grumpy mommy. We have tried heavier bowls, we have tried putty to stick the bowls to the floor, we have tried boards to wedge the bowls against the wall. But where there's a will, there is a way to spill the water all over the fucking floor. (What we need is a stand for the water bowls, but I haven't been able to find one yet.) Wit's end, I tell you. Wit's end.




• Gun-toting dolphins? You're shitting me, right? Just...NO. Leave Flipper out of it, people. I mean, that's like tying a dagger to a kitten's tail. Shit ain't right.