Lookie here! LOOKIE HERE, EVERYONE!! Shaun sent John Stamos to me! Do you see us? DO YOU SEE ME WITH JOHN STAMOS?!!

Look at us! Do you see how we are the perfect couple? I mean, we fucking match and everything! And do you see the sparks that are flying? Oh yes, have mercy, the SPARKS ARE FLYING. And look how damn happy he looks to be with me!

Shaun, THANK YOU. I would totally kiss you right now if I weren't so busy making out with John Stamos. (Well, that and Kristine would so kick my ass...)

LOOK AT US, EVERYONE! IT'S ME AND JOHN STAMOS!!!

(It's WTF? Tuesday! And if you've seen my stomach, you'd say WTF? to this as well. Er, maybe not. But I'd like to think you would, anyway.)

This weekend Rob and I went to see The Princess Bride, which was being shown outdoors. It was supposed to start at 8:00 pm, which we thought was strange considering it doesn't get dark until 9:00. To waste time until it got dark, the movie-showing people provided entertainment in the form of The Newlywed Show, using couples from the audience. Rob and I weren't in it, but we played along in the audience, trying to guess how each other would answer the questions. Things were going fine until the men were asked, "If you could take your partner to a body repair shop, which part of her would you ask to be fixed?"

The poor men don't stand a chance with this one, do they? Well, I looked at Rob and whispered, "So? Which of my parts would you have fixed, honey?"

"Oh, I don't know," he quickly replied.

"Come on. Pretend you're UP THERE. What would you say?"

He looked stumped (perhaps just to be polite?) and then he said, "Your tummy flab, I guess." Yes ladies, he actually said that. He said my fucking tummy flab.

"What?!" I hissed. "You would say that in front of all these people?"

"Well, yeah. I guess."

"You would tell all these people about my tummy flab?!" I mean really, the idea is unfathomable.

"Well what else would I say?"

"I don't know. Maybe my NOSE."

"But there's nothing wrong with your nose."

How can he fail to see that that is SO not the point?

The husband of the couple that had been married the longest, when it was his turn he said, "Nothing. I can't think of anything I'd change." Did his wife have tummy flab? OH HELL YES she did. But did he say it? Of course he didn't fucking say it. And THAT'S why he's still married, people. He knows not to discuss The Tummy Flab.

As penance for this rookie marriage mistake, I've asked Rob to recite to me the "perfect breasts" line from the film. Over and over and over again.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some ab crunches to do.