dead serious
kelly | 9 December 2008 - 7:21pm
"Hey Rob, I'm going to move our knife block out into the pantry for awhile."
"Why?"
"Okay. Here's the thing. I read about this man who stabbed his wife to death in his sleep. And now I'm worried that since I've read that, it's in my subconscious and I'll do it to you."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"And now that I've told you, it's in your subconscious and so I'm also worried you might do it to me."
"I'm sure he wasn't actually sleeping. That was just his defense."
"But there are other cases of this, too! One man drove 23 miles in his sleep and killed his in-laws!"
"Probably on meds."
"No, he was sleepwalking! They did tests! They tested his brain waves and stuff. He was acquitted because they proved he'd been asleep."
"Where are you reading this?"
"If you go to the Wikipedia article about sleepwalking, it links to an entry about homicidal sleepwalking."
"Ha! This keeps getting better."
"What? There's a name for it! It's REAL."
"You're not moving the knife block to the pantry."
"Yes I am. And now we need to stop talking about this because the longer we talk, the more it's going to be in our subconscious."
"Neither of us sleepwalk. This is ridiculous."
"I'm moving it."
"How will that even help? You can get to the pantry in your sleep."
"Yeah, but it puts additional barriers in the way. I'd have to go through two doors. Plus I'll shove it behind a bunch of stuff that's hard to move."
"If you do this, I'm going to blog about it."
"Fine, I don't care. At least you'll be alive."
"I can't believe you're serious about this."
"Dude, don't piss me off. I don't want to be mad at you in my subconscious."
- 405 reads
all comments photoblog
Don't let her fool you, Rob... she's still pissed about the Wii Fit thing and is trying to get her alibi all lined up. Sleep with one eye open, my friend. One. Eye. Open. I'd better warn Sue about this, now that it's in MY subconscious and all. But if I warn her, then I have to worry about myself because it will be in HER subconscious. Crap. Thanks for starting the never ending cycle, Kelly. Merry Christmas to you, too.
Thank goodness my dogs can't reach the knife block.
Rob, my wife had a dream that i cheated on her.
She was mad at me for days. For a dream. That she had.
I say move the knives.
my daughter used to sleepwalk all the way down the stairs.
What would be the worst is if she has a dream you've cheated and she gets mad at you and then you get mad at her for getting mad at you for something you didn't do and then YOU sleepwalk and move the knives out of the pantry to spite her? That'd be catastrophe! put that on Wikipedia!
and i'm talking about Kelly, not my daughter. It's way too early. i need to go back to sleep.
HAH! Hopefully there will not be a follow-up to this post. :-)
Do you realize how many household items can be used as weapons? It's out of your control. The best you can do is keep separate bedrooms and put several deadbolts on the doors.
Considering you've taken issue with having separate beds, I can only imagine what this action would have on your subconscious.
Rob, you're a goner.
So did you actually put the knives in the pantry?
I bet you did not know in all that time spent building the pantry how useful it would turn out to be. It saves lives.
Hee Charlotte, I actually did think about the implications of putting this in everyone's subconsciousness. I would recommend you hide the knife block. Just to be safe.
MayB, I know, right? But dogs are loyal. With cats, we've got to watch our backs because there's always a lurking suspicion that they're plotting our deaths.
Crack me up, William. You're a wise man.
jana, does your daughter do stuff, or just walk around? My cousin will make phone calls, cook food, all kinds of crazy stuff while he's sleepwalking.
Indeed, Jenski. Although now mrtl's comment is freaking me out.
Shit, mrtl. You're completely right. Clearly I must never sleep again.
I did, HFD. Is that suggestive of slight insanity? No, don't answer that - I don't want to be mad at you in my subconscious. After all, I know where you live.
Clearly the only thing to do is get a pre-emptive divorce so you won't be anywhere near each other. It would be divorce of twoo wuv.
Except then, Ern, he'd probably just find another woman who wasn't a neurotic nutjob.
Clearly this is the real reason 'they' say not to go to bed angry. I recommend sleeping in chain mail.
Ha, Kranki! You are so right about the not going to bed angry rule.