on being a pathetic overprotective pushover pseudo-parent
kelly | 21 April 2008 - 9:32pm
There's been some discussion amongst my circle of blogfriends (specifically here and here) about overprotective parenting. I don't have a strong opinion on the subject and don't think I'm qualified, without kids, to say much about it anyway. But it has made me consider where I would fall, if I were a mother. Probably the way I treat my cats is a pretty good indicator of the type of parent I would be, which is to say a total overprotective pushover.
There's plenty of evidence of this throughout my blog. But just to prove the point...
I take them outside on harnesses. Because I fear for their safety too much to let them roam alone, but I also feel guilty about depriving them from experiencing the great outdoors. So I put all three cats in harnesses with leashes and let them play in the backyard. Supervised, mind you. Because a bird of prey could swoop down and snatch one up at any moment. (No really. I read that somewhere.) Or a dog could run over and attack them. And let's not forget Grady... Plus, they always end up getting wound around things and each other and need untangling. It would actually be much simpler if I just took one out at a time, but I always take all three because I want to be fair and equitable. I cannot take sad pathetic feline faces staring out at me through the window.
I only give them filtered water to drink. Sure, if they were strays they'd drink out of muddy streams and mosquito-infested gutters. But luckily for them, they are my babies. And my babies deserve Brita.
I take them to the vet. A lot. Rob is convinced the main purpose of the vet is to treat neurotic pet owners, not any physical ailment of the pet itself. This is a notion at which I scoff, although he may have a point. I recently took Bridget to the vet because I was very concerned she had been losing weight. I was certain it was either hyperthyroidism or diabetes. They ran a bunch of tests, and everything came back fine. The vet's $200 diagnosis was that perhaps I should just feed her more.
There are strict safety rules in our house about not leaving various items (ribbon, twist-ties, Q-tips) lying about or within feline reach. This morning I asked Rob to put away a plastic bag that was on the floor because one of the cats might play in it and suffocate. (No really. It could happen.) I have an eye like a hawk for this sort of stuff. And I admit to taking this too far at other people's houses - I cannot resist pointing out to people the cat dangers that are lurking in their homes. I have lectured my own mother, who successfully raised two healthy children, about a piece of string I found on her living room floor. Didn't she realize if her cat swallowed that it could cut through the intestines?! I realize how completely annoying this must be, but I am compelled. I mean, it takes a village, right?
I leave very detailed cat-care instructions when we go on a trip. You would think our catsitters were caring for an invalid on life support. But there is a lot to know! Bridget has special food, and Maylee has to be fed first or she gets confused, and Simon will eat Bridget's food if he's not supervised. It is very complicated, people. And this is simple compared to the usual feeding system! My instructions don't even mention the after-school snack I give the cats every day when I come home from work.
Clearly, I'm a wee bit overprotective. I acknowledge this. And I could list a hundred ways in which I'm also a complete pushover. Like the kitchen cabinet that I almost relinquished to Simon recently because he came to love sitting in it so much while all the doors were off during the renovation. When we went to put the doors back on, I seriously considered leaving them off that cabinet and putting a cat bed in there instead of the stuff that is supposed to be stored there. Because that's his new special place! How cruel to take that away from him! But in the end, I did reclaim the cabinet. (At least for now.) So see? I'm normal.
- 219 reads


I agree with Rob's assesment about Vets. I feel the same way about pediatricians.
Oh boy my house would drive you insane. I'm on the total opposite side of overprotective moms...and I know several. I constantly get the "oh if that was MY kid..." Why just yesterday my one year old figured out how to unlock the screen door and get to the backyard (or to her, 'freedom"). She was at the swingset by the time I even was aware.
Regardless of that, you would (will?) make a great parent. My aunt treats her cat like you do, and her vet always tells her he wants to reincarnate as one of her cats.
My cats? Yeah, tap water and the basement. :)
I laughed the whole way through this. Not because I'm making fun of you, but because I treat my cats the same way.
While I don't walk them on harnesses or give them filtered water (my sister does give her cat Aquafina, though -- and this is the same cat that will drink from the toilet if the seat is left up), I have been known to choose an apartment based almost entirely on the fact that it's got the perfect place for a litter box, or play airplane with Nola because I know she likes to see things from a different, higher perspective.
My detailed cat-care instructions always - without fail - include "Please pet the kitties so they don't get lonely."
So, sadly, I get it.
You would, without a doubt, be a great set of parents. I will, however, bet money that your perfectionist tendencies with get thrown out the window and squashed by a one-year-old toddling through the house and claiming every square inch of your home as his/her own. I speak from experience. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart.
I also must say that I identify with Maylee as I also tend to get confused if I am not fed first. My kiddo will also eat my food if left unsupervised...as long as it is covered in a brick of cheese.
I feel more "amusement" at overprotective pet owners than I feel towards overprotective parents. I find it charming and adorable when people anthropomorphize. I just don't do it. Cats are cats, dogs are dogs, and they do not regard you as their "Mommy", they regard you as an organic food dispensing unit.
Allison's two house cats are complete sooks, and I think it's because they're "indoor cats" (which, don't even get me started on that). My girls - the two cats who live with me in the office - are brave and inquisitive and can't wait to burst out the door first thing in the morning. Around 3:30, they come home, done for the day (having returned intermittently with assorted dead mice and voles and other field creatures for my inspection and confiscation).
I slop tap water into their water dish but, as you say, they get most of their water from ditches. It gives them some important added nutrients. I think I read somewhere that cats who drink filtered water get starved for those nutrients and have a tendency towards weight loss ...
... but hey, don't worry about that.
William, I can imagine that they would be much the same.
Jana, there are days I would totally swap lives with my cats. And the type of person you are, in my opinion, makes a much better mom than the type of person I am. I'm way too fucking uptight.
Karyn, the last item on my list of instructions is always "Love on the kitties!" :)
Thank you, UCM. And you crack me up.
Nilbo, if having conversations with cats in your column isn't anthropomorphizing, what is it, exactly? :) Bridget used to go outside all the time, when we lived in a log cabin in the woods, and she loved it. But now we live on a four-lane highway and let's be honest - my cats are stupid. They wouldn't last a week. And Rob says what you say, that Bridget only "loves" me because I provide food. But I'm not convinced. Simon and Maylee, yes. They don't really give a shit about me. But Bridget and I have a special bond. She is my schmoopy-boop. (Shut up.)