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goody-goody granny-bag bitch

kelly  |  26 March 2008 - 9:43am

EMT class has been going on long enough now that I'm completely comfortable with my classmates. Still, we don't really know each other all that well. Sometimes I wonder what sort of impression these people have of me. Thinking back to last week's classes, there are three scenes that stand out in particular as moments that may illustrate how I'm viewed by the class.

*****

Class begins, and I immediately raise my hand and say, "I have a question." I then pause for a moment before adding, "I don't know why I bother to preface my question by stating that I have a question, given that I always have a question." The class chuckles at this BECAUSE IT IS TRUE. And then the instructor says, "How about from now on I just start the class with, 'Kelly, do you have a question?'" I laugh and say, "And I will. I WILL."

*****

A classmate asks if anyone has a cough drop, and I respond that I think I have one in my handbag. I proceed to plop my purse onto the table and dig through it in pursuit of the cough drop, muttering "I know I have one somewhere..." and "I swear I saw it just the other day." I have officially become my mother. No, my grandmother. As I search, someone says, "Yeah, she'll have one. She's got everything in there." I find this comment curious since I can't recall ever having produced, for this group, anything from my purse except a stick of gum, and who doesn't carry gum in their bag? Still, as I sift through the contents I conclude that their assumption is accurate. I encounter several pens (one broken), tissues, lotion, restaurant receipts, empty candy wrappers, list-laden Post-It notes, multiple over-the-counter drugs, a year's supply of tampons and pantyliners, lip glosses galore, countless coupons, a cell phone, an iPod, a flash drive, two passports and, finally and triumphantly, one lint-covered cough drop!

*****

Paula and I are practicing scenarios in class, and our "patient" is a person who has slit her wrist in an attempted suicide. She is, for obvious reasons, not cooperating. When Paula starts to put an oxygen mask on her, the patient shoves it away. Paula looks at the instructor's assistant, unsure how to handle this. "Be a little more forceful," he suggests. As she tries again, I look at the patient and say in my take-no-shit voice, "Put it on and SUCK IT UP." (This has since become the motto of the class.)

  • motley
 

Danielle  |  26 March 2008 - 9:50am

I love the quote about sucking it up. This reminds me of an emergency with a friend's husband. We arrived home to find him confused/half-sleeping with blood on his head. We tried over and over to get him to go to the hospital, but he was being really out of character and belligerant about it. When we called 911 and the EMTs arrived, they were totally able to get him to cooperate. I don't know if he recognized authority or if it was in their tone and demeanor. Very interesting though, I thought.

 

LadyBug  |  26 March 2008 - 10:07am

Hee!

Love you.

 

Ern  |  26 March 2008 - 11:06am

I would so love to take a class with you. :) You know, you could tie in the 2nd and 3rd aspects of your class personality by saying to your patient, "You'll thank me later".

 

UCM  |  26 March 2008 - 12:24pm

Right before you said, "Don't make me break out a can of whoop ass, bitch!"

I can see a new protocol being written as we speak.

 

von Krankipantzen  |  26 March 2008 - 1:39pm

They think you are awesome! Kick ass, be prepared, inquisitively AWESOME!

 

William  |  26 March 2008 - 1:47pm

After Story one I would think the class would think of you as a Suck up..which fits with story 3.

 

Bente  |  26 March 2008 - 6:55pm

I agree with Kranki. I would love to have someone like you in a class with me!

 

jane  |  26 March 2008 - 7:36pm

ok i said i wouldn't comment but i couldn't help myself when it comes to things like...Kelly being tagline fodder.

So here's Kelly take-two:
From kelly: laughable overachieving geek

To kelly: loquacious officious granny

You're adorable.

 

RzDrms  |  26 March 2008 - 10:43pm

oh goodness. whereohwhere to begin?! ;)

1) you said MY purse is where receipts go to die?! (they do, by the way...right next to pennies and dust and probably dead bodies, but whatev...!)

2) "two passports?!" no.seriously. two?! i cannot even find my ONE passport (it's probably in my handbag-from-hell...shutup)! i'd be utterly frightened to have any passports in my purse (it might wrinkle or get lost or something).

3) you're tall and beautiful; i am sure you intimidate them all.

4) i shan't make any nils/wils-like comments about the phrase, "Put it on and SUCK IT UP". i shall behave. ::ahem:: ::amen::

 

RzDrms  |  26 March 2008 - 10:51pm

kiss-up lovingly outstands group

("kiss-up" said lovingly, by the way...obvs you're adorable)

 

kelly  |  27 March 2008 - 8:50am

Hee, Rz! Your purse is worse, but not by much. I didn't used to be like this - carrying clutter around is a relatively new habit of mine. I think perhaps you inspired me. :) And the passports are usually in our safe deposit box, but I'd gone to the bank that day to fetch them.

 

geeky  |  27 March 2008 - 8:56am

"Put it on and suck it up!" LOL You'll make a great EMT someday. I can just tell :)

Also, that list of stuff you said was in your purse? That's exactly why I carry a very small purse. It's just big enough to hold the essentials (gum included), but it doesn't have enough room for extra junk, so I'm forced to clean it out on a regular basis.

 

Jenski  |  27 March 2008 - 10:15pm

I bet the classmate was glad to have that cough drop too!

 

The Kept Woman  |  28 March 2008 - 5:53pm

The true question is...did your classmate take the lint covered cough drop? That's a sign of trust...or desperation.

 
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