eye-yi-yi
kelly | 12 December 2007 - 7:13pm
I like my eye doctor. I really do, despite the fact that I consider eye drops to be a torture device. And I think my eye doctor likes me, despite the fact that I am totally Rachel Green at appointments. But he said something to me at yesterday's appointment that has done irreparable damage to our relationship. All it took was one word - just one word that made me immediately wonder why he's out to get me.
Bifocals.
That's what he said. He said bifocals. As in, "In the next several years, you are going to need bifocals."
Bifocals?! People, I am 27 years old! Twenty-seven going on 50, apparently. What is up with these doctors who go out of their way to make me feel fucking old? RUDE. Also rude? A certain husband who laughed (laughed!) upon hearing from his dejected wife that she will soon need bifocals (bifocals!). And it was not just a mere chuckle, but a long hearty laugh. Ass.
Rob cannot understand why this bifocals thing bothers me. "It's no big deal!" he says. "You're cute in glasses!" he insists. He's secretly thrilled, I'm sure, because with glasses I will be one step closer to looking like Tina Fey. But it's not just about the glasses, although having to wear them all the time will be a total pain. It's more than that - this is yet another GLARING imperfection. I am nearsighted, and I have long ago accepted that. I wear glasses to watch tv and when I drive at night. But to compensate for this inadequacy, I take pride in having great near vision. I realize how stupid that is, but it's like the cavity thing. I'll take perfection where I can get it, okay? And so at my eye appointments I'm always quite proud, when the tech hands me the cardboard chart to read up close, that I can read the very smallest line. The tiniest letters! With no squinting, and no hesitation! I may not be able to read the huge letters on the far wall, but I get an A on up-close reading!
Except not anymore. Now apparently I get, like, a B+. I can still see up close perfectly fine. Well, not perfectly I guess. (Grr.) But I can see fine. But apparently my focusing muscles are "fatigued." Apparently my vision is slipping, all around. Apparently I'm fucking OLD and getting less and less perfect with each passing day. In fact, apparently the only thing I excel at these days is the act of deteriorating. It seems I'm at the head of the class on that one. I mean, I'll have bifocals before I'm 30! I am totally in the top percentile - of aging.
Fuck.
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You could try for contacts. The bifocal contacts work fine, and then, even if you don't have perfect vision anymore, you can still have the APPEARANCE of perfect vision.
Kelly, you're the best! Thanks for making me laugh! And really, bifocals aren't all bad. They stuck me in them for no reason in the '80s when I was in elementary school. (I think it made my eyes worse! I'm outta them now, cause I'm just damn blind all around!) Anyway, you can get the lenses that have no line. And I'm sure Rob is right, you probably look really cute in glasses. And you can always do the contacts thing. Contacts are the greatest invention ever (well, after TV)!
I just bought my bifocals, and believe me, I am WAY too young for them, but they rock.
That whole being able to see?
Worth it.
I understand the whole Tina Fey thing. She is smoking. but really...you or Tina Fey I would take you.
I heard Tina Fey's glasses are fake. and no man wants a woman that fakes anything.
I didn't realize they make bifocal contacts, Ern. That is a possibility. Although probably not really, because I'm pretty sure I couldn't do that. I know everyone says that, but I really think I couldn't. I'm weird about my eyes.
Thanks, Jen! Somehow I feel better knowing you've already blazed the bifocal trail. :) I'm not convinced about contacts, though - they seem like they'd be as much of a pain as glasses. But invisible!
Hi operagal! You make a good point. Seeing has its advantages.
Aww, William, thanks. And very interesting about her glasses. But what about fake breasts? Men don't seem to mind those...
I never really thought about it until now, but I get a tiny thrill when I do so well with the close up vision test too! Of course, that's usually immediately deflated when the doc tells my my Rx has gotten worse. Again. No one ever tells you it's all downhill after 21!
bummer.
But I'm all about the seeing and lack of eye strain. Probably if you'd put off getting them, the muscles would fatigue even faster and you'd need them even more or you might need a stronger magnification.... Of course, I'm no eye doctor, but that would make sense.
Glasses aren't that bad. And lineless bifocals just take some getting used to, from what I understand.
Seriously, geeky, it is all downhill after 21! WTF?
Danielle, it's not the glasses themselves that bother me so much as the whole idea of needing bifocals. Gah! But by the time I do need them, I'll surely be over that. I wear my distance ones a lot because they make a huge difference.
Hello! I'm doing a research about eye problems: may I ask you some questions?
1 - which is your present prescription for nearsightedness? (both in terms of lens power and in terms of 20/xx)
2 - have you any form of astigmatism, too?
3 - how old you were when you began to need them?
4 - has your myopia increased or diminished from the beginning?
5 - at a short distance, for example when you read a newspaper, do you see better with or without your glasses?
Thank you!
1 - I have no idea.
2 - No
3 - College age
4 - Increased
5 - Without
Thank you for your answers. Just some more explanations:
6 - You can read better without glasses, but if you use them, do you has any problem? For instance, do you need to stay not too close to the book/newspaper?
7 - I guess your nearsightedness is not so strong: isn't it? without glasses are you able to watch tv/cinema, to take the (right!) bus and so on?
8 - Actually, the weakness of eyes muscle that your doctor discovered is quite rare for young people like you (tipically problems begin aroud 38-40 for blacks and latinos and 43-45 for whites and asian). Did your doctor use the word "presbyopia", or "hyperopia" or what else to define your condition?
nemo:
6 - No, I don't have any problem at all reading close with my glasses on.
7 - I don't think it's too bad, no. But I do need glasses to read signs on the interstate, and to see the details of faces on a small tv. I honestly don't know my lens prescription.
8 - He did not use any term, but it was a brief conversation because it's something for which treatment is still a few years off...
Hope that helps! You can also email me at kalkik at verizon dot net.
I'm so terrified of my site worsening. I just realized I needed glasses in October and already I'm not OK with how I see with glasses on versus glasses off. It's weird to need help to SEE. Gah.
Yeah, kerrianne, it's definitely something that's so easy to take for granted.