neonatal nazi
kelly | 7 August 2007 - 5:25pm
This weekend we went on a short trip with my family, and Sunday morning found us sitting around a table in the hotel eating the continental breakfast. The woman who worked there (to refill the bagel bin and such) was flirting with a baby at the table next to us. And by flirting I mean completely overstepping her bounds - hand-feeding the child Cheerios, lifting him out of his high chair and carrying him around, helping him toddle down the hall. I found her behavior inappropriate, but I wouldn't have cared except she was too busy cooing over the baby to bring out more donuts.
But then she turned her attention to our table. Keep in mind that the breakfast room was full of people. But she turned to us. To Rob, specifically. And she asked, loudly, "Doesn't this make you want a little one?"
My first thought was, "Who put her up to that?" Because, seriously? Now we're getting this from the hotel breakfast lady? Are you fucking kidding me?!
She proceeded to harass Rob for a bit about his duty to procreate, while I just sat there shaking my head. Finally I butted in, mostly to spare Rob more attention but also because I felt the need to educate everyone in the room, all of whom couldn't help but overhear. When I stated that having children isn't at all appealing to us right now, she shifted tactics and informed us that we should at least have children so our parents can be grandparents. At that moment I suspected my parents had put her up to it, but one look at their faces confirmed that they were as appalled by her logic as I was.
I share this (despite having harped on this topic enough lately) because several people have insisted to me that this never happens to them, that they have never been asked about having babies. Which I believe, in a disbelieving sort of way. Because this happens to us all the freaking time. We get it from people we know and from complete strangers. From women and from men. We get it at home and on trips. We get it separately and together. What gives? It's like there's a sign on each of our backs that reads, "Please ask me about when we're going to have a baby!"
Which makes me think, to balance it out, we need to wear t-shirts that send the opposite message. Like, "Don't you even fucking ask me about babies, bitch." Or is that too blatant? Maybe this: "I have sex just for fun." Or perhaps, "Thank you for not sticking your nose in my uterus." I think that one's my favorite.
- 976 reads
all comments photoblog
Kelly, I feel for you guys! I get the baby talk from my family, and I'm no longer dating anyone! And it looks like I'm going to be single for a good long while. I think it's totally obnoxious. I like the last t-shirt as well, though, the second one made me laugh out loud.
Last night I was listening to the radio, and they were discussing this very topic. And this woman called, she was 35, and said the baby talk was annoying her too. She said she shouldn't have to procreate to keep up with the Joneses. Amen to that!
i really, really like that last slogan- did you come up with that all on your own? very funny!
ummm... i can't really relate to your predicament, because #1: as stated, i was NEVER asked these questions before getting pregnant, and, #2: i always knew i would someday want to have children, so it probably wouldn't have bothered me much. nonetheless, please allow me to put a positive spin on all this baby talk for you.
although i am continually and totally appalled at complete strangers asking you about your procreation status, (do they not realize that couples struggle every day just to get pregnant and the mere mention of the topic is extremely painful for them???!!!), i think you should take it as a compliment when people who actually know you or rob ask. i know deep down it annoys you, but just look at it this way- these people see you and rob as such an awesome, rock-solid couple that they WANT people like you to raise children. they see you as being such amazing people that they believe there should be more of you on this earth! (and although i don't care if you reproduce or not, i would have to agree!)
people don't encourage people like britney spears and kevin federline to reproduce, after all. we're down right scared of what those two boys of theirs will turn out to be. but you and rob? a human made by the two of you could take over the world!!!
i also think people who know you might just naturally expect that since you settled down & got married so young, (what were you, like 15?... hee hee), you would be into the whole "settle down, have kids thing" by now. its not a FAIR assumption to make, but its a natural one. what can you do?
anyway, i don't know if it helps, but i thought maybe i could put a positive spin on the whole thing for you since it seems to be getting to you so much lately. just remind yourself- seeming to the rest of the world to be perfect parent material is not at all a bad thing. i hope that helps.
sorry so long- this bedrest thing is quite boring.... now THERE'S a reason to not have babies!
Oh god. I think you need to make all those t-shirts!
The only kind of T-shirt that would stop such nonsense (although it would invite other nonsense) would be something like, "I hate children." You know I agree with your stance of being appalled, and I was subjected to the same crap before Jif and I became pregnant. I knew I wanted kids some day, and it still thoroughly pissed me off.
HOWEVER, I shall attempt to play devil's advocate. I have had the fleeting thought that good, decent people need to seriously consider procreating and raising more good, decent people. This is as opposed to some of the crazy motherfuckers that I see birthing, abusing, etc., the next generation of Americans. So perhaps the meddlesome queries are the strangers' way of saying, "Y'all are so attractive, and you seem smart and successful, and you practice personal hygiene, and you're kind to animals, and you obviously love each other; you're the kind of people who could really do the world some good by making some more like you." Just a thought.
I like the comment about wearing a shirt that says "I hate children." Better yet, get a tattoo.
The "I have sex just for fun" one is my personal favorite.
And on the plus side: if you guys did (perchance, no pressure whatsoever) decide to have kids, have you seen how cute Target's maternity stuff is? Not that that's a reason or anything. Cute maternity clothes don't get up in the middle of the night to feed the little sucker after it's popped out.
Just tell people that you can't have any more children because of the court order, and that you think that's probably a good idea, considering how the first ones turned out.
That should shut 'em up.
Jen, you're surely also getting the "When are you going to meet someone and settle down?" questions, which are just as pathetic and annoying as the baby questions. People may perhaps (maybe?) be a bit less prying with single folks now, thanks to Bridget Jones. The child-free couple issue is beginning to slowly gain more publicity, but we totally need a Bridget Jones.
I did come up with it all on my own, nicole. :) And you are awesome with your positive spin. Thank you. I think it is all entirely too generous, but it did make me feel a little better. And the thing is, I know no one is being intentionally malicious with the questions - it's apparently human nature to want other people to have babies. It's just the societal assumptions that I hate.
I'm so very tempted, Bente.
That is very kind devil's advocacy, Susie. I do wish everyone put as much deliberation into having kids as Rob and I do, because so many people just aren't prepared to be parents and the results are heartbreaking.
Hee, pat. Although the thing is, people already think we hate kids since we don't want children. Not sure I actually want to further that stereotype, when in truth I just want people to realize that you can like kids without wanting any of your own.
Ern, I admit that I do totally lust after the maternity clothes. They are so much cuter than the regular clothes!!
Ha, tony! Good one. And actually, if these people knew how our cats have turned out (completely spoiled brats) they would probably stop asking us.
How about "I have sex just for the money."
"Thank you for not sticking your nose in my uterus" is definitely my favorite. Hee.
I still think it would be a good idea to burst into tears and run from the room whenever anyone brings up the when-are-you-gonna-get-knocked-up issue; it might at least make folks pause and reconsider the next time they want to butt in to the business of a childless couple. Of course, that might have backfired in this particular case, since you might've missed out on the donuts once the nosy bitch with no sense of personal boundaries finally got around to getting some more.
thank you for not sticking your nose into my uterus, definitely.
dude, i got it all the time before i had my kid and during the toddler years, we'd get 'when is #2 coming' in equal repetition.
i'm always a little shocked by this question, especially with the fertility issues that so many women deal with these days. it's incredibly rude and personal and i'm just glad that now most people assume that is our reason for not having #2. and if it keeps the questions at bay, than i'm fine with that too.
I'm going to take a totally selfish stance here and advocate for you to remain childless so that I have at least one married friend out there that doesn't have a litter to look after and hover over and revolve around etc, etc.
Totally obnoxious I know.
I just spent the weekend with friends who have only one and it was an entire weekend about that baby and future babies. Every activity had to account for that child.
I love kids, and I have often thought that I would love to be a Dad. I'm getting up there age wise and realizing that it's not in the cards for me now. I like my freedom and independence a great deal too. I'm happy for my friends, who love, love, love, that cute baby girl. I get it, I totally get it.
So keep your freedom for me please. Just in case I drop into redneck valley for a ho-down, or whore off or whatever it is you people do down there.
You'd better invite me to the whore off. I'm just sayin'...
I would never dream of sticking my nose in your uterus.
OK, that's a big fat lie, right there.
I might dream about it, but I'd never say anything to you about it.
Well, I guess I just assumed that part was obvious, William. ;)
As you correctly assume, LadyBug, donuts are my first priority. Way more important than raising social awareness. Especially if they're glazed.
I cannot believe people harass you about when you'll have the next one, kristen! Good freaking lord! And yes, there are so many reasons why the baby question is just entirely inappropriate - and infertility is at the top of that list.
Greenie, Rob and I are already worrying about what will happen to our social life when all our couple friends start having kids. I mean, I'll be totally happy for them, but it will sorta suck for us. Perhaps we will have to move to Seattle and hang with the beautiful gay couple we once met there. ;) Also, what we do in these here parts is more of a slut-up.
Oh, not to worry, Susie. You're in charge of the ring toss...
Nilbo, come on down to the whore-off/slut-up and we'll see what can be arranged.
Oh, I definitely think it's natural for people to be all, "Oooh, y'all are so cute! You'd have the prettiest babies!... so what's up with that?" And I agree that there is a compliment in there somewhere. HOWEVER... while perfect strangers have every right to see you and think it, it is SO very innappropriate to be SAYING it to you. Good lord. They DO need to stay the hell out of your uterus, the bizzyotches. (That goes for you, too, Nils, GOSH.)
ON the flip side, if you're me, you get, "Wow. Are all those kids YOURS? When did you start having babies? When you were 12?! HA! HA! HA!" or "Goodness. Did you MEAN to have them so close together like that?!" or "Wait... you don't plan on having any more of them, do you?!"
Or-- if you're a part of TGIM's family-- you get, "When are you having more kids?"
You see, the madness? It never ends.
*sigh*
Oooooooh! A slut-up with ring toss...WE ARE SOOOOO THERE!!!