allegiance
kelly | 15 July 2007 - 10:37pm
Friday morning, as I was getting out of my car in the parking deck, a man slowly approached me. He was wearing a shirt and tie and clutching a piece of paper, and he walked towards me almost gingerly, as if he didn't want to alarm me. I am always on guard in the parking deck, and so I watched him warily while quickly gathering my things from the car. He stopped a safe distance away, as if to signal his harmlessness, and then said, "Excuse me," in an accent which I confess I couldn't identify.
I looked up at him then. He had a pleasant expression, although at the moment his face was clouded with some confusion. Upon receiving eye contact, he continued, "How much, uh, do I pay?" and gestured toward his vehicle. I smiled slightly, because the running joke in this town is that the parking signs are nearly impossible to decipher. The city has switched to free parking throughout the downtown area, which is great except that it's (perhaps intentionally?) difficult to determine how many hours are allowed in each spot. I'm certain the municipality is making more money with parking tickets than was ever collected with meters.
"Oh, it's free," I told him and, after glancing at where he was parked, added, "10 hours. In that spot you have 10 hours."
"Thank you," he said. And then, "Because I am going to citizenship ceremony. At..." He took a step toward me, holding out his paper.
"At the courthouse?" I asked, without looking at the paper.
"Yes. The courthouse."
"Congratulations," I said, and smiled.
He beamed. Like a little boy. "Thank you," he said, the smile still widening across his face. His pride was apparent, and I was touched by this.
"It's a difficult process."
He nodded. "I have waited a long, long time." Despite this fact, or maybe because of it, he smiled again.
"The courthouse is this way," I said. "You can walk with me."
As we walked the short block to the courthouse, he continued to talk to me. "I have missed two appointments. Both times, they sent letter to wrong address. But today I get to go to ceremony."
The front entrance of the courthouse is closed for renovation, so I directed him to the side entrance. "I think this is the door people are using right now, during the construction," I told him. It's an unceremonious entrance, and he seemed unsure. He glanced toward the front of the building, with its stone steps and columns and a plastic orange construction fence that blocks the path.
"Maybe I am at wrong address?" he asked, the potential disappointment already beginning to show in his face.
I checked his paper then. "North Main Street. That's this street. You're at the right place."
"Okay," he said. He still sounded a bit uncertain, but headed towards the side door. As he did, another man approached the same door and entered, confirming it as the correct entrance.
"Good luck!" I said over my shoulder, as I turned to go. He looked back at me, smiling in response.
As I crossed the street to my office building, I couldn't help but marvel at his sincere, joyful pride in becoming a citizen of this country. As much as I appreciate being an American, I am just as often ashamed. With a reputation for greatness comes a responsibility of actions, a duty I don't believe we're fulfilling. Yet, to that man, this nation is still a place to be so proud of. He has worked so hard to belong here, whereas at least once a week, on a whim, I consider leaving. (Which is, I realize, such a Spoiled American thing to say.) I suppose our disparate opinions are due to two very different perspectives. He is naively hopeful, and I am jaded. He sees opportunity, and I see overconfidence. I'm not sure I'll ever feel the pride he does to live here. But I do truly hope that history proves him right.
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Beautifully written (as usual), Kelly. It's hard for me lately to be too proud of being American. It's good to know that being one of us is an aspiration of some.
I think being raised here as I was since birth, it's harder to appreciate all America has to offer us. But then again, I've never been to France.
What strikes me more about this post is how you had absolutely no trepidation in speaking with this man and helped him out. THAT is a true testament to your character.
I am proud to be an American. I am not proud of what my leaders are doing but proud of the people who work so hard to make this country my home.
I don't feel like a spoiled American. I feel like a second rate citizen.
Harsh I know, right?
I hope history makes me eat crow at some point I really do.
That was a very touching read.
It brought back personal memories of a day, many years ago, when i awoke with the realization that, within a few hours, i would be swearing allegiance to be a citizen of a different country. That day, i did not become an American citizen (i became a Canadian citizen), but i think i share some general sentiments which that man must have been feeling inside.
By the time my family and i became Canadian citizens, my parents had personally lived through four wars (in combination fought between five different countries), on two different continents. i grew up listening to my mother's stories of how she and her six siblings would wake up to the sound of the war-siren echoing around the city, a signal that enemy planes had been sighted. Being the second-oldest child in the family, my then eight-year old mom would gather the younger ones and they would run to a trench to take protection.
It was a combination of diverse reasons - one being political stability - that made my parents decide to immigrate to Canada. Three years after my parents became Canadian citizens, federal elections were held and my parents cast their vote for the first time in their lives. My mother marveled at the orderly queues and the lack of AK47-toting security guards at the polling booths. It was a huge deal for my family that day. We all went together to cast our votes. My 20-year old friends - most of whom felt too apathetic to vote - were mystified why that day meant so much to me. That day meant a lot to me because i remembered that i would not be there to cast my simple vote were it not for the sacrifices my parents had made in order to bring me to a country where, regardless of my religion, i have the same legal rights as everyone else.
Anyways ... i never intended to write such a detailed response lol. It was an interesting read.
What a great opportunity you had to meet this man on that day.
While I understand why you say you are ashamed, I'm saddened by that, and by your jadedness. Do our leaders sometimes screw up? Yeah. But I never feel for a second that this isn't the most fantastic, most rich with opportunity and luxuries, most free country in the world.
mrtl, do you ever wish Alaska belonged to Canada? I surely would, if I lived there.
I have always felt very fortunate to have been born in this country, Jana. What luck, you know? And the older I get and the more I understand the world, the more I realize just how fortunate I am, and also just how much we're fucking things up.
Agreed, pat. Although, in my case it's not just the leaders that frustrate me. I disagree with the majority on most things. But then, that's the beauty of America, I suppose....
Not harsh, Greenie. Honest. And that's the thing. It's not just our foreign affairs that have me shaking my head. So much for equal rights for all, huh?
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story, nadia. I think what struck me the most was that your mom marveled at the order of things, the lack of guns. Whenever I watch news footage on tv, I'm reminded that it's a blessing to live in a place where I don't fear for my life each day. Where I have the freedom to even bitch and moan about politics, if I want to.
We are certainly that, MM. Although I'd say the current state of things is more serious than a mere screw up. There is a lot of greatness here - I'm not doubting that. The tragedy, and irony, is that we're failing in so many important ways.
I enjoyed this post very much. I've been back several times....I'm just still not sure what to say, except that it resonated with me - both the man's optimism and your reservations.
Thanks for your comment, Ern. It means something to me to know it meant something to you. :)
I love this post. The way you summed up how you feel in regards to your own "patriotism"- it was well said. I think your words speak for so many of us.
But, I don't think our country, our involvement in foreign matters, or our, at times, unjust domination in world matters has changed one bit. I guess you and I are just old enough now to realize how fucked up governments can be, and I think older generations now have so much more information about what their government is up to than they ever had before.
America hasn't changed, so I often don't understand why Americans' attitudes have. Have we just become more savvy? This country was freakin FOUNDED by running those indigent to this land off with violence or disease. For pete's sake, for a country so young, we have an incredibly long history of greed and misuse of power. Why now, is everyone upset about it? Like our involvement in Iraq, as ridiculous and maddening as it is, is the worst thing our nation or our leaders have ever done?
But that is the nature of governments, it is the nature of power, and the nature of men. There are hundreds of corrupt governments in this world, and the people unfortunate enough to live under their rule do not have the freedoms we have here to challenge it, nor do they have any reason to hope for better.
I guess that's why I like this post. It ends with hope. And the biggest luxury that I get to have as an American, that so many others don't, is hope.
I think you make a really good point, nicole, about us just being old enough lately to notice how fucked up things are. I've often wondered this, actually - if things have always been like this and I'm just now noticing, or if things are really much worse right now. Awhile back I actually asked that question to my co-worker, who is in her 50s and has a very similar political perspective as me. She said it's always been bad to some extent. There's always corruption, etc. But she said right now things feel worse to her, but maybe just because we're in the moment. Anyway, thanks for your smart, and eloquent, comment. :)