lacking social graces
kelly | 8 June 2007 - 5:18pm
Rob and I take a lot of photos of our neighbors' barn because we can snap the shots right from our backyard. It's a cool barn, and we've captured it in various seasons and below skies of many hues. We thought it would be nice to put a few of the photos in a frame to give to our neighbors. So we spent some time choosing the best ones, and I shopped around until I found just the right frame, and then we made prints and put it all together.
That was over six months ago. We still haven't given it to them. Because we don't want to have to talk to them. I know, right?! How fucked up is that? But it just seems like it would be an awkward situation. I mean, they'd invite us in, and then we'd have to stand around making uncomfortable chit-chat. Rob and I both hate that kind of thing. We really suck at talking to strangers. And they are pretty much strangers - we've met them only once, when we first moved into the area. It is so not a big deal to take this fucking frame to them, and yet it's beyond our comfort zone and so we keep putting it off.
What I want to do is sneak the gift up there when they're gone, just leave it on their porch with a "Sorry we (intentionally) missed you!" note. But someone always seems to be home. And besides, in that scenario they would then surely feel obligated to initiate some sort of reciprocal contact. At best, this would be just a phone call, which either Rob or I would have to suffer through alone. But it could get much worse...they could stop by to say thanks in person, or GOD FORBID they invite us up for dinner or something. Neighbors being neighborly? The horror.
But we do find this whole thing amusing in that it is such a great example of our social inadequacies. I mean, we wholeheartedly want to extend a thoughtful gesture...but without having to interact in any way. We are quite possibly the rudest nice people on the planet.
all comments photoblog
I feel a Robert Frost poem lingering somewhere.
What are you, nuts? Here's what you do: get all dressed up to go out for dinner, and stop over there, just stay on the porch, "We've been meaning to give you this for the longest time . . . oh, you're welcome . . . no, we can't come in, we're meeting friends, gotta run . . . goodnight, now." And you're out. (But you are a little nuts. I'm just sayin'...)
I cringe when I have to knock on my neighbors door to give them their mis-delivered mail (apartments, no mailboxes), even though they are the nicest people ever! So I totally know where you're coming from :)
crack us up!
You're lucky that I'm not your neighbor. If you were to present me such a thoughtful gift, there would be much leg humping involved.
I feel your pain. I have a snapshot of my neighbors granddaughter that I took when she was playing with my nephews that I framed (because it was cute!). But it's still here too. I can't bear to think of the awkwardness in going over there. Soon, I'll be moving. I think the solution is in our move. I'll mail it to her and put my po box on the return address. I'm shy. But also just awkward in social situtions - unless I'm feeling overly brave. I've just never felt overly brave when it comes to my neighbors!
I think Susie's solution sounds good, though. Although you can't eliminate the possible 'surprise' return visit. Which I'm sure wouldn't be the end of the world - but if you go by without calling, why would they call ahead?
Here's what you do: you look one another in the eyes and say "We are adults. We are human beings. We have not only the right but the responsibility to relate to our neighbours, no matter how squeamish or awkward or shy we feel about it. We can do this."
Then go and do it.
I have a friend who regularly does things that piss me off, then apologizes profusely later. I have tried to tell her that even the most abject apology is not as good as not transgressing in the first place. It's not enough to simply recognize your limitations - adulthood, maturity, growth, come from facing those limitations head-on and conquering them.
Go and meet your neighbours. Take them the pictures. They will be grateful. And as you walk into their house, just glance around. You will instantly see something that will launch a conversation - a cat, a photo, a dripping faucet, a table that reminds you of your aunt's table ... any of a million things.
It won't be nearly as awkward as you believe. And you will be that much closer to being an adult.
Honestly. I ALREADY HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS. Stop making me be a Dad to a beautiful young hottie. It just makes me feel old.
Now go meet your neighbours and blog about it later.
NOOOOOOO, DON'T DO IT!
You will be sorry.
You will never be rid of them.
Next thing you know, you will be invited to their daughter's wedding, then what will you do?
I am RIGHT there with you. Sad isn't it?
on the other hand...you might find out that your neighbors are really neat people and kick yourselves for not going over sooner!
if you want to do something nice but don't want to talk to them, you could just leave it anonymously, too, without a note. though that would definitely still involve waiting until everyone is gone.
you're too funny
Yeah, and there's always the chance that they might think "Why are these crazy people stalking us by taking pictures of our barn?" I'm just saying.
I think Susie's plan is perfect.
And I love the "rudest nice people on the planet" thing. Heh. I kind of hate forced interraction with neighbors, too.
I would feel exactly the same as you, but then Nils made me feel all guilty about it. Geez, dad.
Awesome barn! Now you of ALL people should know what Nils said, about facing your weaknesses and growing. I mean, yoga teaches you that for one thing. I'm totally in his camp, go do it, it won't be nearly as bad as you think and you'll feel so much better after. Plus maybe they are super cool people and you just don't know it yet. Also I second what UCM said.
I soooo get what you are saying because I feel the same way too. I avoid stuff like that out of all sorts of fears and insecurities. Mostly because I like my space and hate it when people drop by without notice. Saying that, when I do grow the eggs to get out and meet my neighbours it is never as bad as I think it is going to be.