weak spot
kelly | 15 September 2006 - 6:17pm
Last evening Rob and I fell asleep on the sofa while watching tv. This happens to us pretty much every time we have wine for dinner. Wine used to make us giddy but now it just makes us tired. Same with life. I think that means we're old. Anyway, after a nice dinner with wine, we'll retire to the living room and snuggle up on the sofa to watch something on tv, only to wake up three hours later.
(Did I really just say "retire"? Like I'm an 80 year-old woman in a floral house dress suggesting we take our tea into the parlor?)
The problem with this cozy little routine of ours is that we wake up well past midnight in the stupor that comes from having been sound asleep, only to realize that we are not in bed and that getting there will require The Routine - the face washing and teeth brushing and birth control pill taking, etc. (I will admit to sometimes being so stupefied and sleepy that I skip The Routine - except for the birth control pill taking which, even with a half-numb brain, I'm able to recognize the importance of. Sometimes I'm tempted to postpone the pill-taking until morning but then I remind myself that if we had a kid I would be THIS TIRED TIMES TEN.)
Usually Rob is the one who wakes up first and has to rouse me from sleep, only to discover that his wife has been transformed into a fire-breathing dragon who will singe the eyebrows off anyone who dares disturb her slumber. But recently I've been the first to stir from our Napa-induced naps and proceed to get exasperated by Rob's orneriness. Last night was no different. He refused to get up no matter what I said, now matter how meanly I said it, no matter how many times I called him a dickhead. (What? I'm not exactly in my best frame of mind at these moments, either.) Eventually I gave up and decided to check my email before shutting down my laptop. But when I did, I got a server error.
"Rob, our server is down."
He opened his eyes. "What?"
"I'm getting a connection error."
And dude shot off the sofa and stumbled hurriedly downstairs to fix it, like the world was about to explode and he had only two seconds left to hit the big red ABORT button in our basement. "Sonofabitch," I muttered. Not because I clearly play second fiddle to a fucking server (although, you know, that too) but because, shit, why hadn't I thought of that before?!
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Rob is wise. Always pay more attention to the server than you do to the one who must be served.
So is the dickhead thing still a result of Monkey or is it a common name calling name you use? Either way, hee!
Unbelievable. You should have told him, "Yeah, there's going to be a connection error. Your ass can stay sleeping on the couch. There will be no connecting tonight, yes sir!"
You might want to change that thing about being tired with kids to "THIS TIRED TIMES A KAZILLION."
Dammit! You guys are so cute.
I just love you guys.
And I love that you threw in THIS TIRED TIMES TEN because you knew all the moms would be all up in your shit with You think you're tired NOW?!? Woman, YOU DO NOT KNOW TIRED.
Speaking of which, is 7:30 too early to put the kids to bed on a Friday night?
Sigh.
Yeah, I thought so.
But see, Nilbo, Rob is the server. Not the one in the basement, obviously, but the one who should be serving me. You know, by getting his ass off the sofa?
Oh yes, blurry, it is completely thanks to the Monkey thing. I never called him that until I read your post. Now it's like I can't stop myself!
Brilliant, mutha. That is why I need you whispering in my ear at all times. Um, not like that...you know, unless you wanna.
Yeah, we might be a little cute, Kranki. But mostly we're pathetic. And old. {sigh}
I seriously, honestly, truly, do not know how you mother people do it, LB. Whenever things are a bit crazy, I like to think how much...not worse exactly, but more extreme it would be with kids. Like, if I'm late in the morning (I'm always late in the morning) I think, 'I would totally be, like, this late times ten, if I had to get a kid ready, too.' Of course, I know the answer, because I've already asked you...You just do it. :)
HA! This sounds far too familiar.
"The server?! What!?"
"Must. Go. Fix. NOW!"
*I roll my eyes*
"yeah whatever, I'm going back to sleep." is usually my response
this is exactly B & i's bedtime routine- EXACTLY! how funny. we must have equally comfy couches...
i am still trying to imagine the word "dickhead" coming out of your mouth, but i just can't picture it!!!
David's weak spot would be, "Honey, have you noticed that the car is pinging?"
Also, did you get a new hairdo, or are the golden locks referring to the famous highlights?
Hummm....server VS servee.
Funny what gets them up and moving, innit?
Dude, "Napa-induced nap"? I hate you. So much. It's like, effortless for you! The wittiness! GEESH.
But "retire to the living room"? Good GOD, woman. That's not floral house dress, that's ladies in withdrawing rooms while men drink port! Honestly.
Anyhoos, you guys are too freaking cute. It's almost disgusting. Rob just cracks me right up.
And a big shoutout to Ladybug for the catch on your subtle disclaimer meant to appease all the tired mommies out there shouting, "Bitch, PLEASE. Tired?! You can't HANDLE tired!" Hee. Good on you, Ladybug! Tell it, sistah! Represent!
Very lovely words there....napa-induced nap. I am from HELL when I'm awakened from dead sleep and unfortunately, I often forgo the routine even when there hasn't been wine or sofa snoozing. You'd think in my 40+ state, I'd know that it's a slippery slope to old-looking skin, skipping the routine, but I'm counting on my Sicilian lineage to keep my skin from pruning out. Otherwise how can I accept that I'm still breaking out?
I keep reading this trying to think of something funny to say and I am stuck.
Danielle - If it's one of his work servers that's down, I'm also like, "Yeah, whatever." But if it's our server, then I'm all, "Hurry! FIX IT!" Because hello? My blog and my email are critical.
You do have a comfy couch, nicole. The best. And didn't I curse like a sailor when I saw you this spring? Surely I did. I remember that you were there in high school the first (and probably only) time I said fuck. Hee.
No new hairdo, Ern. This week's tagline is just random, actually.
Indeed, Tanya. And it's never for the reasons we'd like.
Hi cat! I've been wanting to email you for freaking ever now and my email is still down! Argh.
The Routine is such a bitch, kristen. And it's basically nothing at all for men. So unfair. I have, like, a 12-step process to go to bed.
That's okay, William. I'm just glad you're here.