pregnant belly
kelly | 8 June 2006 - 10:29pm
This is one of those things that's completely incongruous about me. I have a (borderline psychotic) fascination with pregnant bellies. Not the meaning behind a pregnant belly - life, future, BABY, blah blah blah - but the actual physical belly itself. I can't even explain it. A pregnant belly is just so round! And so big, so bulging, so bulbous! So out of place and yet so perfectly in place, you know? The curve is so soft and the size becomes so extreme and there is just an unexpected beauty.
The friend we were visiting in Boston is 4.5 months pregnant - the really cute pregnant stage in which the baby bump becomes the ultimate fashion accessory. (I mean, have you seen the maternity clothes at Target? WAY better than their regular stuff. And don't even get me started on A Pea in the Pod!) The entire weekend, I could not stop staring at her belly. I absolutely could not have a conversation with her without darting my eyes down at her cutie-patooty bump (and then quickly back to her face because, seriously, only freaks gawk at pregnant bellies). I now know how men feel when they're supposed to be looking us in the eyes but keep sneaking glances at our boobs. It's an irresistible urge, people! It can't be helped!
I have seriously considered subscribing to Plum magazine just for the photos. Borderline psychotic, like I said.
I've had this obsession for a long time, actually. I've always maintained that I'd love to be pregnant but not actually have a child. Yes, I realize that pregnancy is more nausea and severe discomfort than it is glowing skin and people giving you a seat on the bus. It's not that I idealize pregnancy - it's just that I find the belly so lovely.
I have this odd fantasy of being a pregnant bridesmaid at Doreen's wedding. Because my god, what is cuter than a pregnant bridesmaid?! Doreen and I have looked at maternity bridesmaid dresses and everything. We've, um, even calculated the month I would need to conceive in order to be in the cute pregnant stage at her wedding. (You can imagine how Rob reacted to my announcement over dinner that "Doreen and I have decided that you and I need to conceive next March in order for me to look super-cute at her wedding. How's March 10 sound to you?") Borderline psychotic, like I said.
But don't go marking your calendars for March 10. We're no closer to wanting kids. But I am about thisclose to buying a prosthetic pregnant belly.
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flickr search for the tag "pregnancy." You'll see a bazillion bellies.
... and about thatclose to being committed.
Have you seen Pulp Fiction? The part where Bruce Willis' girlfriend is wishing she had a pot belly? "Normal arms, normal hips, normal ass, but a PERFECTLY round pot belly." And then later she says, "It's unfortunate that what we find pleasing to the eye and pleasing to the touch can be very different." Or something like that. Maybe you just want a pot?
That is way too funny. Pregnancy also gives you bigger boobs.
Just think of the hours you could spend home standing naked in front of a mirror admiring your belly and boobs. Just think about it Nilbo..I mean Kelly.
I wish I were a psychologist so that what I'm about to say would have more merit.
You'll be pregnant within the year.
Your id tells me so.
...what is cuter than a pregnant bridesmaid?
... a pregnant bride.
I dunno. I've done what William said, standing there in front of a mirror admiring my big belly and boobs. Not quite the thrill he seems to think.
I have issues with Michael's comment. Major issues.
Um, if you like the belly so much and don't want to be pregnant, you could eat only foods that your body doesn't digest well--and you'll end up with a beer belly. Do exercises on the other areas of your body so as not to end up with a double chin and flabby arms, but the thighs and butt getting bigger are also a fact of the pregnancy....and maybe you'll luck out and get some of the stretch marks too!
You make me laugh Kelly!
Damn you Nilbo...You are too damn funny. I see your comments at all of our mutual friends blogs and I always laugh but what others am I missing. I think you should start a site of just your comments.
just glad to see that someone else shares my neuroses. but ieatcrayons is right- you'll be pregnant, or at least have a plan to start trying to get pregnant, within a year. that's the natural progression of this obsession. adoring the belly is only the beginning...
oh, and i don't want to interupt your reality or anything- but you do know that you have about as much control over when you will be able to conceive as you do the weather. and that same amount of control over whether you will be a cute, glowing, bouncy pregnant lady or a huge fat cow with a high-risk baby who has to lay on her ass for four months and not get up except to toilet herself.
i'm just saying. i read a "fit pregancy" magazine and that's what i learned.
Gosh dang it...I tried to comment last night, but it disappeared into the internet!
Anyway, heh...you'd like my belly right now. I'm only 9 weeks, but already looking like 4 1/2 months. I will get HUGE if my two previous babies are any indication (and they generally are!). and oh my gosh, yes, maternity clothes have come a LONG. WAY. Underbelly jeans? 'Nuff said.
Big bellies aside, there is a lot about pregnancy that can be enjoyed. If you can get past the nausea, the 2 a.m. charley horses, the fire-breathing heartburn, the backaches, the weird things happening to your hair and skin, the funky brown line running down your belly, the constant peeing, the first- and third-trimester insomnia...IF YOU CAN GET PAST ALL THAT...there are plenty of cool things about pregnancy. The way people smile knowingly at your belly. The excuse to buy a body pillow that you decide you just can't live without even after the baby comes. And my very favorite...feeling the little person move around inside you. I have already felt little flutters and I LOVE it (yes, I know it's early, but trust me, I've done this before, I know what it feels like!). Plus, it's really cool later to see a knee or elbow or foot poke out and watch other people FREAK OUT at the little alien in your belly :)
well I'm 4 months, one week. You can gladly rub my belly if you'd like. I hate it. Of course the grass is ALWAYS greener.
But I do enjoy my big boobs. So does my husband.
I have a very nice pregnant belly pic on my flickr if you'd like to see. It's not me, it's my sister, but I'll be adding my own soon enough. I'm about 7 weeks.
I thought of the same thing Ern did - the part in Pulp Fiction when Maria de Medeiros starts extolling the virtues of the pot belly.
But you're right, pregnant bellies can be so appealing and adorable-looking, especially on beautiful people.
i was not cute pregnant, i got that cow thing and it didn't work for me. but how i loved my boobs! i could barely stop myself from fondling them, all the live long day.
While I completely agree with the fascination and wonder that is the pregnant belly form, I have to warn you that some bellies are just freakish. I don't have the photos to post (they're still being shipped), but my husband took photos of my belly the night before my son was born, and I was SO big, my hands couldn't reach around the front. My fingers couldn't even begin to touch. And instead of the glowing, and the adorable rubbing, the closer to my due date people would ask me if I was in pain. I usually puffed up my 5 foot frame, screamed something along the lines of "there's not nine pounds coming out of anywhere on this body", then stuffed more blueberry muffins in my mouth. Now, 2 years later, I get the pregnant pang, then I look at my body, still mangled, and go, "whew, glad that's over with".
Oh, and maternity clothes ARE so much better than the non pregnant folk.
"... to buying a prosthetic pregnant belly."
Dude, they have them in the dressing rooms at the Motherhood store at your local mall...I'll bet you could snag one without anyone noticing.
NOT that I'm suggesting you DO that, I'm just saying you COULD.
;)
Just read a (kinda crappy) book called "The Thin Pink Line". Main character fakes an entire pregnancy by stealing one of the fake 'baby bumps' that TKW mentioned. Her reasons are the same as what you're saying here...she didn't want kids but loved the bellies and wanted to be pregnant to experience a more "rosy world" (i.e. the seat on the bus.)
The best lesson from that book? If you are desperate enough to steal a prosthetic belly, the store may feel sorry enough to just give it to you for free. Worth a shot!
You are so right. That little bump is too darling from five to seven months it looks just adorable.
Then, for me at least, it gets out of hand.
I was a pregnant bridesmaid for my best friends wedding. 37 weeks pregnant. It was kinda great. It was a greek wedding and everyone kissed me and treated me like I was going to bring them good luck for life.
LOL. FINALLY a disorder I DON'T HAVE!
I just look at pregnant women and I hold Shaun a little closer cause I'm tickled pink that I don't have to change ANY MORE DIAPERS.
His ex came over tonight to drop of Tyler and Marina and she had her 2 month old baby...and I just looked at Shaun and wanted to kiss him for having his wee-wee snippeted in allllllll the right places.
Being a cute pregnant bridesmaid is almost as good of a reason to become pregnant as the fact that you will get tons of presents from Target. And get to use the scanner. Not that I have ever thought about that as a reason to get pregnant. I'm just saying.