you might be married to a redneck if...
kelly | 30 May 2006 - 9:33pm
This weekend we went to an extended family reunion in Redneck Redneck Valley. For four years of marriage, I have spared Rob from having to attend one of my family's extended reunions. But this year, my mom really really really wanted us to go. And I cannot say no to the woman.
Rob has, over the years, dragged me to numerous reunions of his extended family. I bitch and moan about it, but for the most part I don't really mind going. Rob's family reunions involve a bunch of normal people gathering at a picnic shelter in a park, eating lots of food, and chatting about travel, quadradic formulas, and the stock market while the kids play baseball and romp on the playground. My family reunions involve a bunch of rednecks squeezing into someone's farm house out in the middle of fucking nowhere, eating lots of food, and then chatting about hunting, NASCAR, and the livestock market while the kids throw rocks in the pond and chase snakes. At Rob's family reunions, it's uncommon for someone just out of high school not to be going to college. At my family reunions, it's uncommon for someone just out of high school not to be married and with a baby on each hip. At Rob's family reunions, everyone arrives in Hondas. At my family reunions, everyone parks their pickups out in the field. The men in Rob's family are into bicycling and geocaching. The men in my family are into big belt buckles and four-wheeling. You get the idea.
I wasn't sure how to prepare Rob for what he was to encounter, but I think it became clear to him when, after he asked me which side of the family this reunion was for, I said, "Rob, think about it. My mom's brother married my dad's sister - both sets of my grandparents and all my double first cousins will be there. Doesn't matter what you call it - it's the same reunion either way."
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I actually think it's kind of cool that your Mom's brother married your Dad's sister. It's sorta like when you're little and you and your best friend imagine marrying twin brothers. Kinda.
As long as your mom's brother didn't marry his own sister, I think your family sounds just fine.
SO my family. The girls are so excited that, because of Erin's wedding, the entire family on MY side is coming. Their boyfriends haven't met any of my brothers and sisters. It's time.
Allie tells her boyfriend "I'm so excited you're going to meet my Dad's family. You will finally understand why I am the way I am."
Incidently, it ain't a real reunion unless it's written up in the local paper. Ours always are. The final paragraph always includes a list of injuries and arrests.
My dad has 7 siblings and my mom has 11 siblings. one of my Dad's brothers married my one of my mom's sister as well. I am not from redneck valley. Or maybe I am? I always thought it was weird until I was in my my late teens and realized there was nothing incestuos (sp?) about it. I think?
Kelly, if two people from your neck of the woods get divorced, are they still first cousins?
I love the comparisons you make between the two reunions. tooooooooooo funny.
Guess you are going to have to bone-up on your Nascar factoids in order to make conversation, eh? ;-)
Just remember, "Smoke" is Tony Stewart and that #8 that everyone has on their car is for "Jr." Oh, and if you watch the beginning of the race that one commentator goes, "Diggity, diggity, diggity!" every time. I don't know if the fans think that's a joke though. I sure think it's funny!
I have an aunt and an uncle that are first cousins. If you don't count the extra thumbs, their kids are completely normal.
We sound like we might be from the same family.
Shaun and I watch the "Redneck Tour" comedy shows and I am rolling laughing the whole time and he's looking at me like I am nuts.
I try to explain, "jiggle the handle...don't you get it?"
and he doesn't.
He NEVER had a home on wheels. He's never had to hot wire a camaro to get home from the bar. He's never got a wal-mart gift card.
For our wedding he wants Home Depot gift cards and I just laugh at the thought of what he thinks he can do with them.
I'm the one fixing the broken shit in this house. WITH DUCT TAPE!!
when we were little girls, my first cousin and i were totally determined to each marry one of the nelson twins. (ya know, from nelson, the 80s "rock" group consisting of the fabio-inspiring gods, matthew and gunner?) we could have had a little redneck family reunion of our own had it all worked out!
My Uncle Tom & Uncle Bill (brothers) married Kathy & Carol (sisters) so all their kids are cousins twice over--and the sisters don't have any more siblings--so that's it for cousins on that side of their fam. Kinda funny.
I totally identify with the zillions of pick-ups parking in the middle of a field--do they all come over for a pig roast in someone's backyard? We call them farmers though, not Red Necks...
My family was the group of "city slickers" though--who would go visit the farm...you know--we lived in a subdivision and walked to school, Dad worked in an office...even though we lived in a REALLY small town, they still called us City slickers--and now, my hubby (who grew up in a BIG city) calls me a Country Bumpkin--go figure!
As far as I'm concerned, reunions are all about the food. I don't care who married who, if my aunt makes her mock pecan pie, I'M THERE. When else except Thanksgiving can you get away with having three servings of dessert?
So wait, talking about NASCAR=not so hip? There are members of my family that would probably disown me were it in their power after I admitted to truly, honestly liking the vroom vroom of a good old-fashioned car race. I also like to wear coveralls and chew long strands of wheat. ; )
Ern, I know it's well established, but you're AWESOME.
So wait, talking about NASCAR=not so hip? ; ) There are members of my family that would probably disown me were it in their power after I admitted to truly, honestly liking the vroom vroom of a good old-fashioned car race. I also like to wear coveralls and chew long strands of wheat. ; )
And, Ern, I know it's well established, but you're AWESOME.
Also, I have an itchy-trigger-finger.
You know you might be a redneck if you go to Family reunions to find a date.
Have FUN!