then on sunday just to be different she's a super king kong mega mega beeotch
kelly | 13 March 2006 - 4:21pm
There are certain things in life that I look forward to and which contribute significantly to my happiness. Like dinner with my husband. Relaxing weekends. Trips to Target.
There are two such things on Sunday: yoga and Grey's Anatomy. Yoga on Sunday is so much better than when I had yoga on Tuesday because I'm already relaxed when I get there and afterwards I'm able to maintain the mellow mood it puts me in. And honestly, I don't know how I coped with Sunday evenings before Grey's Anatomy. It's the final gift of the weekend.
But yesterday the universe decided to fuck with the things that make my Sunday sacred.
First, we had a substitute yoga instructor. Color me devastated. And can I just say? I Did Not Like This Chick. Granted, I probably didn't really give her much of a chance given my loyalty to my lady of the lotus. But also, for specific reasons, she sucked. She was curt. In yoga, there is no curt. She spoke loudly and imperiously. In yoga, there is no speaking loudly or imperiously. She insisted we breathe through our mouths loudly enough for her to hear us. First of all, technically in yoga there is no breathing through the mouth, although it is of course okay to do whatever you're most comfortable with. Which brings me to my second point - in yoga there is never ever bossing. Ever. I just really didn't like her. At one point, while we were in a pose, she turned to look at us and said bitchily, "The thing with yoga is that you need to Keep Breathing." Alrighty-then. First of all, it's your job to coach us through the breathing, mmmkay? And secondly, it just so happens that we are fucking breathing, but we're breathing through our goddamn noses as is standard yoga practice. Oh, and finally? Don't think I haven't noticed that ever since the sun salutation we've been doing pilates. I don't know if you don't know the difference or if you just suck at yoga and thought you could trick us. But either way, I think you are a complete waste of the cute green pants I wore.
I left yoga thinking that at least I still had Grey's Anatomy. But, not so much. Rob and I turned on the tv at 10pm and it was black and white and very fuzzy. The show was on - we could hear it and we could sorta see it. Sorta. The part where the husband and wife come in and she's got something in her neck? Yeah, it showed a close up shot of that and Rob and I both leaned forward, squinting. "Can you see that?" I asked. "Not a clue," he said. "Huh. This sucks. I wonder what it is?" Rob leaned in closer, squinted harder. "Is it...maybe...a fork?" The thing is, the sky was perfectly clear outside. Usually ABC comes in fine for us unless it's raining or really overcast. But it wasn't. The universe was just fucking with me, like I said. And it got worse. Soon it was going to the Silent Blue Screen of Death which is what happens when it's not getting any reception whatsoever. And, of course, this always happens during the most important parts and never, I might add, during the commercials. Meredith's scene in the elevator with George went something like this: "George, I'm really, truly [Blue Screen]. Sincerely. And [Blue Screen.......]" ::George hurries out of elevator:: The way they tie everything together at the end? I missed all of that. It was all one big Blue Screen. As we were staring sadly at the Blue Screen, I said to Rob, "We're not even going to know if the fork lady survived." And right then the show flashed back and there was the fork lady, lying in bed. I leaned forward, trying to determine if she was alive and then....Blue Screen, followed by the universe's evil laugh.
But today is one of those gifts March occasionally gives - bright sun, blue sky, 80 degrees. The kind of day that makes winter seem like a distant memory, that convinces me spring really will come again this year despite the doubts I've been having since mid-January. I walked down to the ice cream shop this afternoon as an excuse to feel the sun on my shoulders. The flavor of the week is chocolate peanut butter, which just so happens to be my favorite. It seems, for some reason, the universe is making it all up to me today.
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Bragging about the weather and the ice cream while your former friend Mr. Mojo observes his Lenten discipline while recovering at home from illness is some seriously hellish payback to the Universe.
mmmm....ice cream shop...must go to ice cream shop.
awwww, maaaaaaaaaan! Chocolate peanut butter?! Probably the BEST (well, besides being near you of course) reason to move back to Redneck Valley. However, this is funny, because I was going to make chocolate peanut butter squares tonight and now I think that just maybe this is a sign. It was a perfect day for the local ice cream shop--glad you were able to go! Love (and maybe envy a teensy weensy bit) you! Mr. Mojo, I feel your pain! OH, and when I was home a week ago, I saw that they have a SECOND local ice cream shop?! Is it just as good?
JLD, I don't like you because more than likely you will be making your way over to get some ice cream today. I used to like you. Not anymore.
;-)
Sorry about your Sunday, but glad today (a Monday of all things!) is going better. Sounds like you are having a Southern California winter day, except we had SNOW this weekend. Well, not much, but I posted a photo. Side question: Has there been a photo of yet again mentioned green pants? Or did I miss it?
Just to throw something out... here's a torrent for it. Guaranteed free of BSODs :)
(I always thought the line was "King Kamehameha beeyotch")
http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/1365/Kyle_s_Mom_is_a_Bitch.html
Chocolate Peanut butter is your favorite? Mine too. Can't decide if that makes you the perfect woman or my rival for all of the goodness that is chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
It's so not fair that you had to deal with that last night without a drop of rain in sight. I missed most of last night's programming because we did have some bad weather, and the weatherboys decided to track it all the way to effing Arkansas. Okay, so by the time it hit Arkansas and Missouri it killed people, but still, I'm sure they don't get our news station!
The worst part was when they would cut in on important parts, waste my time checking in with a weather chaser who can't see a damn thing BECAUSE IT IS DARK, and then saying, "We're going to take a break now" which means I get to watch another 3 minutes of Grey's.
Stupid effin bastards.
I love trips to Target, especially those for the first time in a while... I'll wander the aisles for over an hour - ALLLL the aisles, except some in the toys and babies section. The angel boy-O has enough toys! and no babies on the way right now... and right now, any visit to any baby section in any store is a dangerous venture - - don't need to go there right now. And please keep away all children under the age of 2... you hear that? that's the sound of my ovaries screaming!
You should of gone all super yoga on her and booted her ass out OUT of the class.
Snotty people suck.
Mr. Mojo, methinks your illness is your body's reaction to giving up ice cream for Lent.
Meet you there, JLD! :)
doreen, you should totally make them. And yeah, the other shop is just as good. Their weekly flavor is never the same as the one downtown, which means, if the stars align just so, it would be possible to get both chocolate peanut butter and raspberry (my second favorite) in the same week. That rocks.
I actually saw your photos, John Boy - crazy! And no, you haven't missed anything - I haven't posted a photo of the green pants. I figure that's all that keeps some of you checking back. :)
Thanks, michael! And free of commercials, too, right? That's awesome.
CM, in this case, I would be your rival. But in all other cases I am the perfect woman. :) (And I always thought it was king kong mega mega, but I searched before posting to be sure. Half the sites had what you think, and half the sites had what I think. I finally went with the link provided by Wikipedia, my trusted source. But who knows.)
Stupid effin bastards indeed, ieatcrayonz! I hate weather updates! And news updates that aren't relevant to me! Or are, but I don't care because HELLO, I'm trying to keep up with my fictional world right now!! GEEZ. I'm sorry, love.
Hi Annejelynn! Forget Disney World - Target is the happiest place on earth. Am I right? :)
Indeed, Jessicarabbit. Next time I think I'll Warrior her right out the door...
THERE IS NEVER SNIPPING IN YOGA! What a beyotch! More, even, than the Universe? And pilates is a poor substitute, IMO.
Oh, and I have Grey's Anatomy TiFaux'd (to copy Cat's clever nickname). Do ya wanna come over and watch it with me later? ;)
hugs - you put ice cream on the brain - ummmmmm
God I love that song. I used to have a URL saved for the vidoe clip and I was trying to find it for you...
Hope you busted out the flip-flops and enjoyed the sun and warmth today!
Agro and Yoga do not mix. Favourite TV show and dodgy reception do not mix. I suggest not one but TWO trips to the ice cream store to make the universe right again. One cone is just not enough.
whilst i'm not into grey's anatomy (gasp!), i am into your regular yoga instructor ladyfriend, and mehopes she re-appears soon. for all of us. especially nilbo. that is all.
I know what you mean about the little things that contribute to your overall happiness. Like FREAKIN' CHAI! THAT BORDERS USED TO HAVE BEFORE THEY SWITCHED TO FLIPPIN' SEATTLE'S BEST! THAT WAS THE WHOLE THEME OF MY FRIGGIN' ***BLOG***!!!!!!
I am currently braindead and have not the wit nor the wherewithal to form a funny and coherent comment. So I'll just say hi, I'm sorry you missed Grey's (it wasn't the best, anyway, if you had to miss an episode at least it was that one, and not the one with the train wreck), I'm sorry the yoga girl was such a beyotch, and I'm glad you got your favorite ice cream.
Oh, and I blove you. Hugs!
You crack me right up. Seriously. You are the shiznit, I tell you what!
And seriously, you know there are Special Ways to get your hands on that GA episode. Let me know if you ever want to turn to the dark side...
Um, just gotta go here Kelly, sorry.
Andrea? Have you saught professional help for your chi issues? ;-)
LadyBug is right, it wasent the greatest. Meredith told him that she is always his friend and will always be there when he decides to turn around. Then, he walked out of the elevator and didnt look back. The lady made it through the operation, and it was a fork in her neck. The biggest part- Dr McDreamy? he told his wife he hasent been there for her,while they were married and it was partly his fault for her cheating and he going to work harder. BLECH. I wanted him and Meredith together. Maybe it'll happen, who knows?
I'm sure your crush will be back next week. If not, you be the instructor. I'm betting you'll be much better than Ms.CrabbyBreathLoudlyPilates bitch.
And today, I am home and back into the mix. Your week is just getting better and better.
Ern, I KNOW, RIGHT?!! And yes, I totally wanna come watch it with you!!!
Ice cream on the brain is sure to cause brain freeze, mrtl. :P
Yeah, that song kicks ass, TKW. I'm giggling before Cartman even gets through the Weeeeelllllllll.....
Word, Kranki. And golly I love the word dodgy.
My poor yoga dear has bronchitis, Rz. The bitch-ass universe gave her bronchitis! Ain't right.
Andrea, I WILL TOTALLY KICK THE UNIVERSE'S ASS FOR YOU! Because the universe is such a nobody. And you, girl, are a somebody. A SOMEBODY WHO DESERVES HER BORDERS CHAI WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE THE THEME OF HER FRIGGIN' BLOG!!!!
I totally need to start saying "not the wit nor wherewithal," LadyBug. Cause it sounds smart. And seems fun to say! Oh, and hi dear! I miss you. Why are our lives so busy?
Tempt me not, foul temptress! (Er, that's you, cat. And I actually have been to the dark side and it was good. Not that I have any idea what you're talking about. None whatsoever.)
dawn, I missed that whole freakin' convo between McDreamy and McBulgyEyes! WTF?! And BLECH indeed. They need to divorce already! I'm sorry, but they do!
Kick ass. Nilbo is back!
Oh, I love the Chocolate Peanut Butter icecream. I had it for lunch on Sunday. Who knew! I totally wish I had run into you! Chocolate Peanut Butter with peanut butter topping... Ah, there is just nothing better then that. I think I will have it for lunch tomorrow....
Hi MMG! I think you mean peanut butter and chocolate syrup topping. ;) And I'm all for an ice cream lunch date!