the proposal
kelly | 8 March 2006 - 11:03pm
Five years ago today, Rob proposed to me. March 8, 2001. This is the story of how he proposed, but mostly of what a controlling psychopath I am.
We were in college and had been dating for six years. We'd known for a long time that we wanted to marry, and we planned to as soon as we were both out of college (Rob was a year ahead of me). I would graduate in May 2002, and so I was planning on a late May or early June wedding. I could not possibly marry the man soon enough.
I knew I'd need a year to plan the wedding, and so I thought we should be engaged by May 2001. The thing is, men aren't aware of what goes into planning a wedding, and I knew that if I left it up to Rob, we might not get engaged until 3 or 6 months before. Which would, obviously, be a disaster. So I gave him a timeframe. I told him that he would need to propose to me at least 12 months before June 2002, but not more than 18 months in advance. In other words: You have between January-June 2001. Don't fuck it up.
Once I'd given him the timeframe, I became a wee bit obsessed with the idea of being engaged. I bought bridal magazines. I cut out, from a magazine, a diamond ad that said "The answer is yes" and laminated it and hung it in my dorm room. (Oh yes, I did.) I watched unhealthy amounts of The Wedding Story. I shopped online for diamond rings and then emailed Rob photos of the ones I liked. I made him memorize the four C's. Cut, color, clarity, carat.
And then I started having nightmares. Terrible nightmares. About the proposal. Or, specifically, about the ring. In these recurrent dreams, Rob would propose to me with the most GOD-AWFUL, hideous, piece of shit ring I'd ever seen. Every time it was different, but every time it was the Worst Ring Ever. And in the dreams I didn't know what to do because I wanted to say yes to Rob but HELL NO! to the ring. I always woke up from these dreams feeling completely shallow and rather panicked.
My friends suggested that Rob and I go ring shopping and select one together. But I wanted everything done traditionally, which meant I wanted Rob to pick out a ring on his own. And so I did what logically follows (if you're a control freak) - I gave him specific guidelines for the ring. And by specific guidelines, I mean exact specifications: solitaire no larger than one carat, six prongs, platinum band, size 5, with a warranty. (I did say he could choose between round or princess cut. So there.) I also dictated that he ask my father first because I knew my dad would expect that. And I warned against proposing on a holiday but said that our anniversary would be fine except that, obviously, it wouldn't be much of a surprise.
Hello, my name is Kelly and I'm controlling.
On March 8, we were back in Redneck Valley on spring break. Rob suggested we go for a hike. As we drove toward the mountains, a certain song came on the radio and I thought to myself that today would be the perfect day for him to propose. But I didn't think it was at all a possibility because we spent nearly every moment in college together and I knew for a fact he hadn't had time to go ring shopping.
It was a great hike up Little House Mountain. At the top we stood and admired the view. I turned to the right to take in the panorama, and when I turned back to the left, Rob was on one knee. He said something lovely and eloquent (which I remember the gist of but not well enough to quote him, although even if I did I wouldn't tell you because it's just between us). And then he asked me to marry him. He was holding out the ring box, which was closed. As in, I couldn't see the ring at all. And, unlike in my dreams, it so didn't fucking matter to me what that ring turned out to look like. I said YES! And then I gushed, "Open it!" and he did and I gasped (with what I will admit was partly relief) when I saw it because it was perfect. The ring, the moment, the man - everything was just what I wanted.
I made him re-enact the proposal for a photo (and this time without the damn box).
The first person we told was the attendant at a convenience store. We'd stopped on the way home because I wanted someone to take our photo right after the proposal. The place was called Kelly's Corner. (And we don't live in Arizona. I have no idea why he's wearing that shirt.)
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Have you blogged about this before? It's such a sweet story, but oddly familiar. And the picture (re-enactment) I know I've seen.
Happy Proposalversary!
Wow, you are a master orchestrator-puppet master-controller, Kelly. You win this title mostly because of the LAMINATION of the magazine picture. That is going beyond the beyond.
But how cute and happy is your face in Kelly's Corner? Tres cute and tres happy. Good Work.
What mrtl and Amy said. And might I add, "I blove you guys!"? Such cuties in your pictures! Even though you both DO look about 12 years old. But still... cute!
(Sorry I'm never around, but I'm still internet-less. Stupid Verizon! Stupid computer time-limit at my public library!)
Aw, that made my heart melt. Rancito proposed in Feb 2001, so I got 7 months to plan. Yippee! He also asked my dad for my hand while he fed the dogs on the back porch. He also opened up the box upside down in my tiny apartment kitchen and it fell underneath the cabinet.
But that ring was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, and it totally made up for everything.
Gosh, what a beautiful view. That would just take my breath away. And I love the completely giddy shot of you at Kelly's Corner flashin' off your new bling. Adorable.
And was it that day or the next when you stopped by my house to break the GREAT news and to ask me to be your MOH? I was SO thrilled and giddy!! Love you guys!
That is so freakin' cute, Kelly. Girl, you are the QUEEN of Control Freaks. Master of the Control Freak Universe! Hee.
But, you know, how glad are you that Rob proposed to you with the box closed? Because you knew...you knew it didn't matter if he had a Cracker Jack plastic spider ring or an eye-searing doorknob in there, he was the man for you. And that's eversomuch more important.
I blove you guys. Happy Proposal-versary.
Dang, you're GOOD! I wish I had half as much control over David as you do over Rob! I also thought that anytime after college would be good. But David dragged his big ol' feet for almost a YEAR (you would have been freaking out) and then got a big kick in the behind when I got into an out-of-state med school. ;) Of course I wasn't nearly so much as you with the pressure.
Oh, Kelly... *shakes head*
You really really laminated a diamond ad and hung it in your dorm room? And you really really made poor Rob ask your dad first? You really really gave him a proposal timeframe?
Dear, oh, dear...this goes beyond "control." This, I'm pretty sure, would qualify for OUT OF CONTROL.
When it comes down to it, and I can say this because I'm old, what really matters, when you clear away all the bullshit, is the Big "O" - fuck the diamonds, to hell with the bridesmaids' dresses...if he can make your toes curl and your monkey explode with delight, all the rest is incidental.
If I recall, the poster said, "The answer is yes. Are you asking the right question?" But after the restaurant incident I've lost my confidence and I'm not so sure.
mrtl, it's possible because at this point I can't remember what I've blogged and what I haven't. BUT, I searched the archives and I haven't. Maybe I told the story to you and Cat in person? That doesn't explain the photo, though...
Good golly I love to laminate, Amy. I am a laminating fiend.
cat, I miss you much! But I know it's not your fault. I can't blaspheme Verizon because they provided DSL to us when no one else would, but I will say what's happening to you AIN'T RIGHT.
Rancito opened the box upside down, ieatcrayonz? Awww, that is classic! If Rob had opened the box upside down, that ring would have fallen through a rock crevice and been no more. I actually remember saying to him during the re-enactment, "DON'T DROP THE RING. And don't fall backwards! AND DON'T DROP THE RING."
It was that evening, doreen. You were our first stop after parents. :) Rob was sweet - he told me that he knew I'd want to tell everyone immediately (and in fact one of the reasons he'd proposed over spring break was so we could tell parents in person), and so part of the reason he'd taken me an hour away to propose was so that he could have some time alone with me after the proposal.
Master of the Control Freak Universe just might be the nicest compliment I ever got, LadyBug. That's a title I'll wear with pride, truly. :) I don't think Rob meant to leave the ring box closed, but I am glad he did because as a result my focus was on him, on what was important. (Or maybe it was intentional on his part - dude knows I'm easily distracted by shiny objects.)
I so would have been FREAKING OUT, Ern!! Rob was with me on getting married right away, so I guess I wasn't applying pressure so much as supplying guidance. Yeah okay, that's just semantics.
Wise words, Bucky. Keep the monkey happy and everything else is O-kay.
Holy cow, JLD, I had forgotten that!! But you're right! It did say that! Oh, that makes it so much worse!! But dang, you get serious points for remembering that.
i swear, it looks like rob is just about to fall right off the edge of that mountain and plummet 500 feet to the ground. don't take a step backward, dude! don't look down! whew! ;)
teeheehee! "keep the monkey happy and everything else is O-kay." i just got it! O. hee!
(okay, that last comment was from me, but i was so...excited...that i forgot to put my name. duh.)
I really laughed at this post because I am soooo much like you. This is something I would totally do and then have the nerve to be disappointed about the lack of surprise.
I read this and immediately ran to get B so I could prove, once and for all, that there is someone JUST LIKE ME out there! I too have set a timeframe for the proposal and have meticulously detailed what is and is NOT acceptable in a ring. Although I haven't laminated anything (yet), I have secretly stashed magazine pictures of The Perfect Dress. I've also mentally composed my music list.
Perhaps I'm a tad biased, but thanks for being so fabulously controlling! ;)
My lord you are Gorgeous! And Rob...what a sweetheart. We are sooooo lucky to have our boys.
Control....To get what I want.
COntrol..I got to have alot...
Control....
Okay I google Janet Jackson Lyrics for this.
The picture of Rob fake proposing, make me nervous with how high up he is and so close to the edge.
Great story, thanks for sharing it with all of us. And let me say, you are the Control Freak Queen, but hey...whatever works!!!
Rz, I can't help but giggle at O Magazine. Every time I see it. Hee! (Wait, so is Remember Me not working for you?)
Yup, you totally get me, Kranki. "Okay, you need to do everything exactly like this, in this very manner and at this very time. And, you know, make it a surprise for pete's sake!" LOL.
Sydney! See, I feel so much better about myself knowing that you've done these same things. Because you're completely classy, so if you do it then it must be okay! (And honey, you need a 3-ring notebook to keep your magazine cutouts and music lists! You know, alphabetically organized and with color-coded tabs!)
Thanks, Amanda B. And we are lucky indeed.
William singing Janet Jackson - classic! The ledge made me nervous, too. I could just see the headline: Man Falls Off Cliff After Proposing Because Bossy Fiancee Made Him Reenact.
Well, it works for me, Momo, but I'm not sure what Rob would say. I imagine it's difficult to live with a Control Freak Queen. :)
You are even shallow in your DREAMS? Girl, you should be STUDIED by someone :p
Jif picked out my ring. I made him exchange it for one I liked better. I thought I was controlling. You make me look down-right mellow. I linked you today, sweetie, in gratitude for the list you sent me, a very, very long time ago :)
You made him exchange it, Susie?! (Okay yeah, I exchanged the china set my grandmother gave me because I didn't like the pattern.) I don't think that makes us shallow. I just think that means we have impeccable taste. :)
Haha I did the EXACT same thing! I didn't want to pick out the ring for Mr. Geeky, so I just gave him exacting specifications. And then I proceeded to have several nightmares about him proposing with hideously awful rings. I also gave him specific do's and don'ts for the proposal. In the end, he got it just right :)