this is why I always lied in those 'what I did this summer' essays
kelly | 31 January 2006 - 10:18pm
So have I ever told you about my high school summer job? No? Yeah, there's a reason for that. However, Kristine's SPF last week (I'm behind - shut up) was partly about secrets and then jessica_deva tagged me with Four Things which is partly about jobs, and so I'm addressing both in one post: the summer job I keep secret because it's hella lame.
You need to know that in addition to this job I'm about to reveal, I also held the noble position of summer school teaching assistant. I was, after all, a motivated young woman determined to have some experience in her chosen field before college. The problem was that summer school was only half-days for 5 weeks. And so I needed another summer job that was flexible and that would fill the rest of my summer.
And so, under these conditions, I accepted employment as a Textbook Protection Technician. Okay fine, I made that title up just now. I was a book wrapper, okay? I put paper covers on textbooks. You remember back in elementary school when on the first day of school you were given your textbooks and also some paper covers (probably brown, most likely advertising whatever local business had donated them) and your teacher then instructed everyone to carefully wrap your textbooks in the paper covers so the books would last longer? You remember, right? And in the first month or so, you filled that paper cover with all sorts of pencil doodles? And then during the second month of school (or maybe the third, if you had been especially careful) the paper cover fell off due to the wear and tear that comes from shoving the book into your backpack (not to mention the holes you poked and tears you tore to encourage the dang thing to fall off because, really, how lame are textbook covers?!)? Yes, well that very textbook wrapping activity - the one you did in about 30 seconds as a first grader - is what I got paid minimum wage to do for three of my high school summers.
EXCEPT that the process I was part of was MUCH improved from the primitive book-wrapping technique you employed. I was part of a book wrapping team of eight, y'all. We had a four-step assembly line. Four people sat on one side of a table, and each book was passed down, first to the Folder, then the Cutter, then the Gluer, and then the Labeler. And this assembly line was mirrored on the other side of the table for a total of two (count 'em - TWO!) assembly lines.
The coolest position to have was Cutter. This person cut off the corner flaps in order to provide a clean fold for the Gluer. Cutting required both accuracy and speed. The flaps needed to be cut at just the right angle or glue would seep out and the book cover would be stuck to the last page of the book. And a fast cutter was highly valued because she could cut (literally - heh) several seconds off the process, meaning minutes saved on a stack of books (and thus more time to goof off during lunch). A truly talented cutter could actually cut for both assembly lines and still keep up. Cutting was also the most exhilarating because there was actual risk involved - scissors moving at that speed are dangerous.
Cutting was my forte; I was fucking fast, y'all. To this day hearing the snip-snip of scissors gets my adrenaline going. I also served as Folder and Gluer from time to time, but I was discouraged from being a Labeler because that task required neat handwriting. (Unfortunately, no one stopped to ask potential Labelers how well they could spell, and so as a result we left one high school with stacks of "Scocial Studies 9" textbooks.)
We wrapped every motherfucking textbook, elementary through high school, in the school division. Every Last One. It took us all fucking summer. But oh, the PRIDE I felt when those carefully wrapped textbooks were handed out the first day of school. The way my fellow students clearly admired the covers' clean lines, sharp corners, and tight fit (right before they dug a fingernail down the front and tore if off - sons of bitches), made it all worthwhile. Truly.
Okay, not really. I mean, come on, I wasn't a total loser. Truth is, the job kicked ass because I had a couple friends who also did it and so we spent all summer gossiping and spending on-the-clock time hanging out at the ice cream shop. Oh, and WE GOT TO DRIVE CAPRICE CLASSICS ALL OVER THE COUNTY. Kick ass. You haven't lived until you have raced a Caprice Classic over twisty, hilly country roads, getting so much air that not only does your ass leave the seat but your head actually hits the roof.
Those were the days.
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Were you like the Edward Scissor-hands of book covering-ing.
What an outrage! I can't believe a school district would spend so much time, materials and resources having such a thing done.
The epitome of laziness, I tell you.
Not that I doubt you were the Cutting Queen.
Doing that for one summer, okay, no problem, we all have to go through some sort of lameness, but sweetie, three???, three summers???
Oh well, who am I to talk. I spent all my summers walking across range land looking for Skeleton Weed. No really, that's what I did.
hehe....I knew this but it's still funny. I think I should be a guest one day and tell a *really* good story. Say ninth gradish :)
Hee, william, I totally was. People knew not to sit too close, anyway.
mrtl, I KNOW. Actually, the history of this is that the positions were created as a way to give delinquent students jobs. But, um, that didn't turn out so well, if you can imagine. I mean, turning delinquent kids lose with a Caprice Classic, free to roam all over the godforsaken county? Seriously, people. So then they cancelled that (which is when they should have gone back to letting each kid wrap his own damn books) and started hiring us "good" kids. Needless to say, given that kind of freedom we quickly became delinquents.
I wish I'd known you then, greenie, so you could have slapped me back to my senses. Because truly, three summers???? (And, um, WTF is skeleton weed?)
JLD, I am very afraid of what that story might be! But you are welcome to do a guest post, provided I'm allowed to remove all incriminating details. :)
Ah, someone who finally appreciates a fast, efficient assembly line. I think you're a closet industrial engineer.
I think Grace would have liked that job very much. She'd prefer to be underemployed, I think, especially if people would just leave her alone. She always says that her ideal job would be picking and packing for Amazon.
Personally, I'd feel deeply offended when the books got fucked up. Having been a teacher for a year, I'm now happy to avoid any interactions with all persons between the ages of 5 and 19.
My first car was a '68 Plymouth Valiant. So I'm feeling ya on the Caprice Classic bit. Even better is when there was still a Caprice or two in the motor pool for patrol. It was like Dukes of Hazzard!
Yeah. My head STILL hurts from those Caprice Races! And Scosh...wonder what he's up to. I decided that's the right way to spell his name. :) And you HAVE to agree that the best part was getting the lame-o high school boys in trouble. Matt and Ryan, right?! HAHAHA. Wonder what jail they're in! And remember how we had to listen to Creed almost every single day? And it sucks I wasn't allowed to drive a car because I had 2 teensy little points on my license! Those were the times, right?! I mean...er...I never, ever, participated in such a crap-ola summer job. Sucks to be you.
Hey I did this one summer too but it was just little ole me wrapping books, not your super efficient assembly line. I worked in the front office of the private school (where my kids were in school) and one summer they gave me stacks of books to wrap when the phones were not ringing. Ahhh...the times they let me go to the library and wrap books in peace were the best.....
I am SUCH a total freaking nerd, because I was thrilled - THRILLED, I tell you! - when The Drama Queen's homework on the first day of first grade was to cover her Reading book. I was practically giddy. And, um, yeah, it's entirely possible I may not have actually let her...umm...help.
I wrapped my own damn books in school. Brown Kraft paper, baby. and I learned how to fold the kraft paper so that you didn't have to glue it - it would stay in place perfectly. As the school year went along, I would re-wrap books where the wrapping had become marred or frayed. I am a total dweeb. Er, was. Yeah, was.
I did, however, have a far better job than you in school, and rather than make a long comment here, I posted about it on my own blog.
You know, there was only one time in all my years of school that we were asked to wrap our books. I don't remember the subject or grade, but I feel it was middle-school/early high school and we all kinda looked at the teacher with a puzzled look of "You want us to do what?". We were instructed to use paper from a brown paper grocery bag and to do the non-glue method too. I think we even had to bring the paper into class the next day and do it as a group project, because we were all so befuddled about what we were supposed to do.
I was sad to cover up the pretty textbook image. Brown paper didn't feel all that great either.
But hey, a job where you get to listen to music and gossip with your friends at the same time can't be beat.
Well, it was efficient in theory anyway, ieatcrayonz. Our many shenanigans may have slowed production just a tad.
michael, I will say that I appreciated it when teachers gave extra credit to students who kept their book covers on the entire year. I felt as if they were doing it as a personal favor to me. (Which of course they weren't because there was NO WAY I was admitting that I was the one who'd wrapped them!)
The Caprices we drove actually were retired police cars, jessica_deva - they accelerated like nobody's business! These were also the cars we used for driver's ed, if you can imagine.
Hi Doreen! Ah, Matt and Ryan. TOTAL losers. But fun to play tricks on. Two memories I'll never forget (both from the summer before, when you weren't there, I think): When the car wouldn't start and we thought we were going to have to call our supervisor and have him come pick us up....at the ice cream place....at 10am. And then one time we came out of a school and the Caprice WAS NOT THERE. We thought someone had stolen it, and we were like, "Who would steal a Caprice Classic?!" We were at TA, so we just walked across the highway to the office and told the bossman that the car had, um, sorta...disappeared. Lordy. (Turns out some dudes from the bus garage drove by and figured they'd bring it in for a tune up - didn't realize we were using it.) Good times! I feel like we're part of a very special club or something. And very special is up for interpretation...
Weetzie, nuh-UH! I love that you've done this too! And yeah, I didn't dislike it at all. It was sorta nice to be very productive with a brainless activity. A lot of times we would chat, but sometimes we fell into a rhythm and it would get quiet and it wasn't a bad way to daydream the time away...(although daydreaming was, of course, a dangerous thing for a Cutter to do).
Oh LadyBug, you are clearly a natural! If we ever have a kid and that kid brings home a book to wrap, I will be downright giddy! And I will likely set up the entire assembly line at the kitchen table, just for the one book. Just so I can relive my glory days as a Cutter.
Nilbo, let me guess - you also walked 2 miles, each way, to school. In 8 inches of snow. Barefoot. Right? :) And funny that a young man so intent on maintaining the good condition of a book cover would grow up to be an Eaton's Demolisher.
I never liked covering up the pretty textbook image either, Danielle. Although when I wrapped books, in addition to the paper covers we also had cool ones that were colorful advertisements for companies like Nike. (These were made of a glossy paper and were an absolute JOY to cut.) The Herbal Essences one was my favorite - photo of a huge flower on the front and SCRATCH AND SNIFF on the back!
OMG, my car now is a caprice classic. And no, I havent really lived yet. I think it might kill my car and I need it, for a bit more anyway.
Attention Geek Squad!
I just downloaded the latest Firefox and my Sage is gone! There's no updated extention. What the hell do I use? The only thing I found was Wizz. What the hell is Wizz? That's something guys do on trees. I don't want Firefox to Wizz on me blogs.
Damitol.
Um, I don't know what you guys did, but it works now.
Please ignore the computer-challenged idiot.
That sounds like a blast compared to my babysitting jobs. I was all alone, no friends around, just me and those "hodlums"...man those kids were bad!
As an aside, Kapowski, I'm really appreciating the number of F-bombs you've been dropping lately. I think it's adding a nice touch of vigor.
that was funny.
crayonz, we fix things without even knowing sometimes. It's scary.
I would have rocked as a Labeler, I tell you what! Stupid Burger King.... what a waste of my talents.
dawn, when you are ready to kill the car, get yourself into the country and DRIVE, woman.
You kill me, ieatcrayonz. I just love you to pieces.
I did the babysitting thing, too, Momo, but never much liked it. I never had any really bad kids, though. Still, I agree - worse than wrapping books!
Well now you've figured out my secret, Zach - enough fucks will perk up a bland post. (Holy shit, that sentence has a double meaning that I totally didn't intend. Awesome. And, you know, completely inappropriate.)
:) to anna.
Yeah, do things fix themselves just because you walk near, michael? Cause they do for Rob. I'm like, "This isn't working. You need to fix it." And he walks over and gets within like, 5 feet, and I'm like, "Oh, it's working now. Thanks!"
It's never too late, cat. It's never too late.
Man, I would have loved that job. I love wrapping things, folding paper, smoothing it out. I am totally feelin' ya on this, Kelly. That first day of school, I am THERE.
Methinks you would have made one fabulous Folder, Amy. Totally.