when we did The Christmas Carol in 6th grade, I totally should have been Scrooge
kelly | 12 December 2005 - 10:17am
I'm really trying, but I'm just not feeling it. The holiday spirit, that is. On Friday I asked my hair stylist to make the cute haircut's highlights MORE RED and I said (and I quote), "You know, for the holidays." See? Trying. And Saturday my mom and I spent ALL DAY making Christmas cookies. I even let her turn the radio to the station I hate, the one that, starting on Thanksgiving Day, plays holiday songs continuously, without stop, on and on and on. Okay, so I could only take that for about an hour before grabbing my hair in my hands and screaming AAAAAHHHHH......SWITCH IT NOW, PLEASE. But still - trying.
And yesterday I sat Rob down and we had The Talk we have every year around this time, the one in which I inform him how many days are left until Christmas, and then his eyes widen incredulously, and then I inform him how many people are on our list and how many of those presents have already been purchased, and his eyes widen even more, in panic, and then I remind him that we will be out of town next weekend which means that we have ZERO weekends between now and Christmas, and his eyes fall out of his head and roll across the living room floor. And then I say, "Just because your eyes fell out of your head does not excuse you from helping me brainstorm gift ideas, dammit." And so we sit there and think, think, think. And then I have an AHA! moment and I leap forward and exclaim, "Ooh, I KNOW!! Let's skip Christmas and go to Hawaii!! Because if we're not here, we can avoid all of this!" And he looks at me like I'm nuts and says, "Hawaii? That's not a very realistic solution. . . . What about a Caribbean cruise?" And so then I spend half an hour looking at cruise itineraries, ones that start a few days before Christmas so that we won't be here for any of it. But they are all booked because apparently we are not the only ones who want to fuck Christmas and get the hell out of here. But still - the fact that I began The Talk in the first place, that I actually started out with the intention of working on our gift list? That's evidence that I'm trying.
More evidence that I'm trying is that we actually went to Target last evening, Rob and I. With the purpose of purchasing presents. And we did! Oh yes - we purchased 2 whole presents! We then proceeded to fill the cart with stuff for us. Same at Barnes & Noble - book for this person, book for us, book for this person, two books for us. But still! Trying.
And ooh! I bought holiday stamps! You know, just in case I get swept up in yuletide revelry and decide to actually send Christmas cards. More than likely they'll decorate the envelopes of our bill payments for months to come, but still...give me some credit for trying.
These are the things I wish I'd told my mother when she asked me if I'd decorated the house for Christmas yet. No, Mom, I haven't exactly gotten around to that, but let me outline the holiday things I have done. Or at least tried to do, sorta. Instead, I made the mistake of being honest.
"We're not doing that this year, Mom."
"Not decorating for Christmas? WHY?! Do you think you're too busy?"
"No, not too busy. I've just decided that I hate Christmas."
"HATE Christmas? Kelly! You've always loved Christmas!" (This is true - back before the endless extended family gift exchanges for which I must buy presents for people I barely know and before the multitudinous carry-in meals for which I have to make food and before I got married and so in effect doubled all of this foolish festivity - yeah, I did love Christmas then. You know, back when I WAS A KID.)
"I know, Mom. But it's not fun anymore."
"Well, you are at least going to put up A TREE, right?!"
"No, I don't think so."
[audible gasp]
"Mom, the cats will just knock everything off of it. You remember last year - I told you how they jumped to the top of the sofa and then LEAPED into the tree, taking every single ornament to the floor with them? And how they ran full speed toward it and then skidded into it, sending the tree skirt flying and the tree toppling? Yeah, I don't need that."
"Well if the cats are the problem, maybe you should take them to the animal shelter." (See, JessicaRabbit? I told you my mom says shit like that, too.)
"MOM. Let me remind you that those cats are quite possibly the only grandchildren you're gonna get."
"I'm just saying that three cats are too many. And they should not prevent you from putting up a CHRISTMAS TREE."
"The cats are just a really good excuse - I'm not putting up a Christmas tree because I don't WANT a Christmas tree."
"I think maybe I should make you an appointment with [her psychiatrist]."
"Mom, I'm not depressed. I just hate Christmas."
Lessons learned:
- Book Christmas 2006 Caribbean cruise/trip to Hawaii NOW.
- Given that Mom considers the absence of a Christmas tree sacrilegious and sufficient reason for psychiatric consultation, DO NOT reveal (un)religious beliefs to her for fear of being committed.
- 753 reads
all comments photoblog
Okay, so I read the first two paragraphs thinking, "You need your Christmas spirit boosted? You should totally go to Target!" Then I got to the Target paragraph, and, well...
Sigh.
There's really no hope, then, huh?
I still can't believe that your mom would kick the kitties to the curb to preserve the tradition of deforestation during the holidays. So wrong.
I'm sure your situation is difficult, I think I'd rather come out of the confessional and tell her your how you feel. This is a tough act to keep up every year, you know, with the tree excuses and the conspicuous Caribbean cruise every year.
Um, if you break down and get a tree, I want video.
I LOVE YOU.
Ok first off, I HATE Christmas, I have for years and years and years. The only reason I do anything, is for my kids, and nieces. For them I will pull out decorations (minimal) and go through all the holiday poop. I made cookies with my nieces this weekend, because you do that with kids. I put up the tiny silver fiberoptic tree we got 2 years ago, for them, on Friday. Cats have knocked it down twice, its only 2 feet tall. Real trees give me hives from the sap. Plus I dont think killing a tree to put shiny stuff on it is ok, its alive! Dont kill it! Dont kill trees for no reason, trees are our friends damn it.
Second off, I cant even go to a store to buy shampoo and cat food without being in line for 17 hours. There are too many people in the stores, no one has any idea where they are going.
I only want to buy presents for the kids, so I only buy presents for the kids. Ill do a great birthday present for people, but this whole, buy stuff all the time for everyone or you dont love them? PFFFFFFFFFT.
AND, I do not go to ANYONES house on christmas day. Too many tug o wars with families and I said STOP, when the boys were little, I said you know what? My kids, my holiday wishes, we stay home and you can all shove it. It has been at least ten years since I have gone to anyones home on christmas day. I will go christmas eve, or the day after christmas, but thats it people, thats all you get.
Take the cats to the shelter if you cant have a tree? You mom would have a stroke if she had to be around me. She has NO IDEA how good she has it with you for a daughter. I once walked out on my mother, right out of her house and got in my car and left, on MOTHERS DAY. And I didnt go back for over a month.
12 cats, and soon to be 2 Saint Bernards. Mention THAT to your mom.
"Gee mom I have this friend.... you should see the pagan heathen animal fur covered awfulness at HER house"
HAAHAHAHHAHA
I dont mind being the example of what could be, use me baby, use me.
Sorry. I'm with your Mom on this. Not about the cat shelter or anything, of course - that's just wrong. But about Christmas preparations.
Think about why you enjoyed Christmas as a kid, what you loved most about it. You say you loved Christmas then, and I bet you did. Why? I'm going to guess it wasn't what you got for Christmas presents.
Oh, one or two may have been memorable gifts, but WHY were they memorable? Because you NEEDED them, couldn't do without them? Probably not. You need pyjamas, need underwear and socks, need a whole lot of other things that end up beneath the tree and get unwrapped, glanced at, acknowledged, then tossed in a pile, forgotten before the wrapping paper has settled to the floor. But the gifts you remember to this day are different - and why?
It's probably not because they were the most expensive - although they could have been. But the expense itself is irrelevant.
I'd wager it's because those gifts were tangible proof - proof you could actually hold in your hands - that someone loved you enough to want to make you so happy you would squeal with delight. Someone was so filled with love for you that they couldn't wait to see you scrabble at the wrapping, tearing at the paper as it revealed its secret. You were so focussed on opening it you couldn't see them watching you, their eyes never leaving your face, waiting for that moment when you would light up with happiness.
That's LOVE in its purest form - that desire to make another person's heart swell with joy. And without thinking it through, even as kids we know instinctively that those special gifts are someone's way to show us that we are truly loved. And really, forget what you were holding in your hands. Knowing we are loved was the real gift of value.
We get no satisfaction from giving gifts to people about whom we don't care - hence your disillusionment with the meaningless gift exchanges. We don't care enough about those people to want to have that moment with them, either as giver or receiver. But I would argue those exchanges are not really a part of Christmas - they've been tacked on relatively recently, a product of a wealthy society that insists we do things just because we can.
You - the Target Queen - don't get any real satisfaction out of going there and shopping for gifts, because you're just filling orders and meeting quotas. That's not what your Christmas was like as a kid. No wonder you're not feeling it the same way.
You want to feel Christmas? Look to what is at its core.
Decorating the house, putting up a tree, stringing lights? I don't see those as chores or inconveniences or unnecessary expenses, because I don't see them as an end unto themselves. Decorations are nothing more or less than signals, reminders, symbols to help build anticipation for that day when we can set aside all else to show those who are dear to us how much we love them.
It's not the object itself that carries the message - it's the love that drove the process of getting the object from the store or the workshop or wherever and into the hands of the person we want to make happy. It really IS the thought that counts. We think about what we can give that person to represent the REAL gift - which is the knowledge that they are loved.
We don't do that often enough in the run of a year. One day? Seems inadequate, and it is, but if that's all we're gonna take then whattya say we pull out all the stops and tell one another and the rest of the world just how important that day is. That's why all the hubbub. And if a tree doesn't work for you - for practical reasons - come up with any number of other ways to count the days down.
Want to feel the love, want to get the spirit? Don't trade gift lists, don't make suggestions, don't drop huge honking hints, and if they get dropped on you, shed them in favour of putting your heart and soul into looking for something that will make the person who gets that gift know that they are loved. Then do that for every gift you give. Buy or make or conjure up gifts that will resonate in the soul of the person who gets them. Gifts that say "Your joy is everything to me".
"Will this gift tell this person "You are loved"?" There's your standard. Not "... that I know what you're short of" or "... that I read your list"
"You are loved."
Meet it for at least one person, and you'll be bursting with anticipation of that morning. And every time you look at your tree, or your decorations, or see a light twinkling, or hear a Christmas carol you'll feel your heart want to burst.
Do that, and you won't ever want to run away from Christmas. You'll gather it in, revel in it, and make it more special for yourself and everyone around you.
Can I just take a minute and meditate on the wonder that is Nilbo?
Okay. What is with the huge list of gifts for people you hardly know? Sounds like you need to do a 'list purge' of people you are buying for out of obligation. We did it a few years ago, and now our list is (mostly) people we love and want to get gifts for.
I'm almost afraid to tell you, but at my (Christmas) party this Friday, there will be a lot of Christmas music playing. And a decorated tree. And decorations throughout the house and even possibly themed holiday food. Hopefully, though, you'll be too boozed up to notice! Here here for spiked eggnog and holiday cosmos!!!
I shall solve your Christmas tree problem. I will put your Christmas tree in the mail today. You can decorate it if you want. The cats won't mess with it if you stick it in a place where they can't get to it. That's just how much I blove you, girlfriend.
Rob said the same thing, LadyBug. Well, not about Christmas spirit, because he doesn't have any more of that than I do. But he said it about being in good spirits. "How can you not be in a good mood when we're at Target? We even had a PPP!" Hee, what a cutie. Both of you. :)
ieatcrayonz - Well, I'm not refusing the tree for religious reasons. Just logistics (and laziness). I was actually surprised she cared as much as she did about the damn tree. But maybe she's just annoyed because if we actually did go on a cruise, she would be stuck taking care of the cats. Maybe next year I'll invite her to come along and she'll have more of a "SCREW CHRISTMAS - I'M GOING TO BERMUDA!" attitude. Heh.
YAY! JessicaRabbit loves me and hates Christmas!! You said several things that are EXACTLY true for me, Jess. First of all, you do Christmas for the kids, and I think that's great. If I had kids or nieces, I would be much more inclined to throw tinsel about. But the cats? They don't give a shit. And also, birthdays are what I care about, too. THAT'S the day to celebrate a person you love and THAT'S the day to give a great gift. Also, I told Rob when we first got married that when (if) we have kids, that will be when I put my FOOT DOWN on this going 5 million places on Christmas Day crap. I basically said the same thing you did: When we have a family, we'll make decisions for OUR family. We'll make our own tradition, and that tradition will involve STAYING HOME. As it is now, I can handle the running around - but with kids it would totally suck and I would definitely want Christmas Day to ourselves.
And finally, Jess, I hope Saint Nick sticks something naughty in your stockings. ;)
Nilbo - Dress like Santa again and let me sit on your lap and maybe I'll feel the Christmas spirit. Uh, I'm sure I would actually. Heh.
No seriously, that was a lovely comment. And I don't disagree with the sentiment. But Christmas is a little too cookie-cutter for me. I celebrate the ones I love on the day they were born - to me that is much more meaningful because it's a day that is significant entirely because of that person. And on each birthday, I am able to focus on just that person.
I would rather have lunch with someone one-on-one than see them at a party. At a party, my attention is torn between too many people and I end up not satisfied with the time I get to spend with anyone. Christmas is like a party, to me - we're all hustling here and there and squeezing everyone into a short amount of time and while sure, it can be fun, somewhere in there it all starts to feel just a little bit insincere. A birthday is like a lunch date - I'm able to give my attention to just one person and to express, sincerely, my love. Even the best Christmas gift says, "I got you something because you are loved...and because it's Christmas." A birthday present says, "Here's a gift to you because I am so grateful you're here and part of my life." The gift is not necessarily even expected, and the giver certainly doesn't expect anything in return. To me, that says "You are loved" like nothing else.
Amy, my extended family has rid itself of the gift exchange, but Rob's hasn't. And as an in-law, it's not really my place to change tradition. But honestly, even people close to me aren't particularly easy to gift. I mean, even Rob and I aren't swapping gifts this year. We'd rather splurge on one nice purchase we can enjoy together or DO something nice together...you know, like a cruise.
Doreen, not to worry - I have nothing against Christmas trees or decorations or themed food or even holiday music (in small doses). In fact, I think it is all quite lovely - I just reserve the right to not do it all, myself. And please ignore what I said above to Nilbo about parties. I'm not saying I don't LIKE parties - I DO! They are not the best way to catch up with a long lost friend, granted, but they are a great way to hang out with acquaintances. Suffice it to say that I am THRILLED about your party - truly. In fact, I already know what I'm wearing! And who knows? Maybe the fabulousness of your shindig (combined with the booze, obviously) will even put me a little more in the holiday spirit. Maybe. I mean, no pressure or anything.
Awww, mrtl. Why are you so good to a bah-humbug bitch like me? Blove you too, girl.
I managed to get a tree up but usually forget to plug the lights in. You can only do what you can only do. If Target doesn't stir ya up then it is just best to give up gracefully.
Whatever. I am SO sending you a copy of How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
Wise words indeed, Kranki.
Oh, I know the story well, cat.
Have you read "Skipping Christmas"? Read the book. Don't see the movie "Christmas with the Kranks".
I like Nilbo's comment, too. In October, I start to look ahead and become apprehensive of Christmas and all the extra energy it takes, but each year I plot my course of action and defeat all negativity. If I the MOM aren't up, it can put a damper on everyone else's spirits. Now that the kids are grown, gift-certificates to their favorite stores solve that problem and the grandkids are easy. We get the same gift for all (10 of them) the brothers and sisters on both sides, so snap-snap, that is done. I wrap while watching TV on a card table John sets up for me in the family room. I do hot drinks (with alcohol of course) as the task gets complete. Now, on Dec. 14th, the decorating is done, tree is gorgeous, lights are working correctly on the outside this year, the ham is in the fridge, and I am only making one kind of cookie and no fudge as I am still eating with Jenny (8 and a half pounds thinner), so I say just do what you can and remember to HAVE FUN. Johnny will be coming home and bringing Catherine, Melanie will be coming home and bringing Bill (and perhaps an engagement ring), and Monica and Eric her husband and the two grandkids will be here. THAT IS Christmas for me. If that doesn't work for you, have you seen the decorated kleenex boxes at Target? Sooo cute! lol
Di! Thanks for the recommendation, girl. I will totally check it out.
Margie- Dang woman, you are a Christmas-preparation machine! Reading the part about everyone coming home for Christmas put me in the holiday spirit even more than those tissue boxes at Target (which are SO cute). I am totally adopting you as my second mom.