spilling the contents
kelly | 28 October 2005 - 10:36pm
Here is the London handbag that wooed the Amway bitch. Except that it didn't actually woo her because SHE WAS LYING. But whatever. (See how it matches my shoes?!)
And now I will list for you the contents of my handbag for no particular reason other than 1) I love to list things and 2) I find it fascinating to know what other people carry around with them and I assume I am not the only nosy freak out there.
[tangent, in honor of mrtl]
You know that game women play at bridal showers, the one where you get points if you have certain items in your purse? I never win that game because I am not a mother and so cannot whip out a sippy cup or a breast pump or a foldable high chair. But I love to play because you would not believe the shit some people carry around with them! Sometimes I think, "Whoa woman, you are a FREAK to be carrying that around." But then other times I think, "How is it that I am the only person in the room who doesn't keep stamps in her purse? I must have missed that memo." Truly, did you know that most women carry stamps around in their purses? Stamps! I don't really understand why, but I'm sure there's a damn good reason. (Probably because stamps are worth like, 50 points in the bridal shower game.)
[end tangent]
My baggage:
- glasses which I wear when I drive at night and when I need to read things at a distance and when I want to look smart and sometimes at home because Rob thinks I'm cute in them
- keys
- two pairs of sunglasses: brown ones and black ones with pink lenses
- cell phone which, when turned on, displays the greeting "Hello Goddess" because there's nothing wrong with a daily reminder
- small zipper pouch with powder, chapstick, three lipsticks, and two hair ties that I can't even use because my hair is too short and has been for over a year so why the hell are they still in there?
- iPod shuffle which is the sole reason I go running after work because when I bought it Rob said I wouldn't ever use it and so now I go running so I can use it and prove him wrong
- Band-Aids because once on a trip to New York I cut my finger pretty badly while using a piece of shit pocketknife to make an extra hole in a belt I had just bought at Macy's (that was too big but I bought anyway because I loved it) and I did not have Band-Aids and the hotel did not have Band-Aids and I bled all over the place and it sucked
- small notebook that Doreen gave me for my birthday for jotting down blogging ideas (and which is also used, on occasion, to share snarky comments at weddings)
- pen, except when we go grocery shopping and need to mark things off the list and then for some reason it is NEVER there
- assorted feminine products including a tampon which is of the shape and size to be occasionally mistaken for a pen when one is digging around blindly in one's purse but which is not, in fact, at all effective in marking items off a grocery list but is quite useful for embarassing one's husband in public
- at least one pack of gum because I am making an effort this year to chew more gum but don't ask why because I honestly have no clue
- list of books I want to read which I used to keep at home but then every time I would go to the library I would realize I'd forgotten my list and I would be unable to remember a single title on the damn list but now that I keep it in my purse, how many times do you think I've gone to the library? Yeah, none.
- wallet, the contents of which are utterly boring and predictable except for the photo section:
Yeah, I've never put photos in it, so the stock photos are still there. I've never had anyone comment on this, but if anyone ever does I am totally going to pretend those people are my family.
- 438 reads
all comments photoblog
Love the purse and love the photo section in the wallet. I wish I had one. Did you get it at Target?
Ok. That purse totally kicks ass. I am also a "nosy freak" and love to know stuff like what someone has in their purse. Now I will share with you what is in mine:
1. wallet
2. keys
3. two pens
4. notepad
5. breast cancer pin that I have yet to put on something
6. a belt (not usually in there, but it got uncomfortable when I was at a friends house today. And I wouldn't usually take my belt off while out, but since I'm pregnant I thought I could get away with it)
7. a cosmetics bag containing two lipsticks, fold up brush, hair tie and a bobby pin.
8. an appointment card for my next midwife appointment
9. a silver dollar
10. my old passport
And how big are these ladies purses at the showers you go to? I wouldn't have room in mine for a sippy cup! I think these ladies are cheating and pulling stuff out of their kid's bag. Keep an eye on them next time. (Though for your sake I hope that isn't too soon :)
I thought I would love the photo section, Von, but I never put anything in it. And no, the wallet isn't a Target purchase. That's the thing - I've had that wallet for YEARS.
Bente, I LOVE you for spilling the contents of your purse! In the bridal shower game, you would get MAJOR points for the passport! (And those women's purses? HUGE.)
I love the picture of your witty bitty puppy and your asian uncle. Shit, when did you have a baby? I shall call him Squinty.
Content of my purse: wallet, two checkbooks, 3 tampons, 1 pen, nail clippers, lip gloss that smells like homemade cinnamon rolls, hand sanitizer, cell phone, Blingo tickets. No sippy cup or fold up high chair for this mom. I travel light. Oh, but I do have a roll of stamps and a book of stamps in my purse, only because I had to go to the post office yesterday, and I haven't been home yet to put them in my desk.
Aw shizz, totally forgot to say how much I love the London purse that that the Amway bag commented on. Of course, it's so gorgeous that she actually could have been truthful when she commented on it. I mean, who couldn't love the matching bag and shoe combo?
That's a great purse. I loves me some purses. And your family is just gorgeous. I have stamps in my purse because I forget to take them out and put them somewhere else, then it's just easier to remember that I keep them in my purse. At any given time, I also have miscellaneous receipts stuffed here and there in my purse. You all here seem so neat. I'm not. Messy purse here, most of the time.
Okay, so two things...
1. I'm really late commenting on the Target Amway Bitch and figured no one would see it, so I'm adding it here instead. Target must be breeding these people. The same thing happened to us a few years ago, while picking out an iron. This guy came up, all chummy, turned out he was into web design (supposedly -- seemed to have more of a pyramid-scheme sales aspect) and wanted to hire Michael. He said he was there looking at blenders with his new wife. Yeah, NO WEDDING RING. And when we saw him leaving after us, he was alone. Target Amway Bastard.
2. The next time someone asks you when you are having a baby, just pull out your stock photos and say you're adopting a baby from China -- that's her picture -- and you're just waiting for your travel visa, which is taking forever. Then start crying. Of course it would be more believable if you filled in the other stock photos with pictures of Rob and the kitties. Ooo, ooo, and one of an empty, decorated nursery.
You are such a hoot. Love the purse! I won't play this game; to quote the wonderful Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club," "Yeah. I've got a lot of shit in my purse."
Was the gum chewing thing like a New Year's resolution?
And I must say that I'm shocked that you have no John Stamos in your purse.
Dude, you need a BACKPACK. Good LORD! Do you get backaches? Shoulder spasms? Do you knock over small children as you brush past them at Target?
That being said, I LOVE IT.
Perhaps I should trade in MY backpack...
That last one is so not surprising coming from you that I truly laughed out loud. Oh, Kelly!
The band-aids are a good idea though. I cut my finger this week at the college and of course did not have one. It would not stop bleeding so I had to wrap it with a piece of paper and some Scotch tape from my desk. I then taught two classes with this mass of paper with red spots where the blood had soaked through on my finger. I'm sure I looked SOOO cool! (Why don't I use these stories on my own blog?)
ooohhh...thanks for sharing with this nosy freak too! Yeah, I do carry stamps in my wallet, but only because that's the only way I can find them. I LOVE the fact you have the pictures that came with the wallet still in there. Sometimes I feel like the only mom in the world who doesn't carry around pictures of her kids. Is that bad?
Wait. What size purse is in now? I never know. It seems like every time I buy a new purse the style changes. I now carry a small purse which doesn't hold much. Can't smuggle candy and such into the movies with this thing unless I totally empty it out.
1) you have the cutest puppy and asian baby ever created, and
2) i always buy belts that are so big for my waist that i have to add an extra hole to make it fit. ::hahaha:: NOT!!!
LOVE the London handbag. I don't think the Amway bitch was lying...I mean, she can be a total pyramid pyscho and still like your purse, can't she?
Contents of my purse, from memory, because I'm too tired/lazy to get up and go get it. (Keep in mind that I, like mrtl, have "a lot of shit in my purse.")
Dayrunner
checkbook
short, fat spiral notebook
my favorite pen
pencil
3 assorted tubes of chapstick I rarely use
Carmex I almost never use
lip gloss I've used once
Altoids cinnamon gum
blue metal tin of Eclipse breath mints
small zippered bag of feminine products
band-aids
allergy medicine
2 bottles of antidepressants
cell phone
small hairbrush for when the girls' hair gets messy
travel-size bottle of lotion
a couple of cheap ball-point pens
yellow highlighter
small calculator, which I know is in there, but I couldn't find the last time I needed it, when I was trying to figure the price per ounce on a bottle of Tide
travel pack of Kleenex
travel pack of antibacterial wet wipes
keys
card key to get into office building
I know there's more. Believe it or not, my purse isn't even that big.
Cool purse!
I love this game...I wanna play.
1.keys (personal and work)
2.wallet
3.sunglasses
4.pack of gum
5.travel nail care set
6.femine products
7.lipstick
8.chapstick
9.cuticle oil
10. safety pins
11.pen
12.small bottle of motrin
13.checkbook
14.spare keys to both cars
15.pocket perfume bottle
16.small brush
17.cell phone
18.business cards for me and Jojo
19.combos for work
20.phone list for co-workers
21.pocket Bible
22.varies coupons for favorite place to eat
23.receipts
And last but not least...24.stamps! Yes, I carry them in my wallet or checkbook, and I always have. The only reason I know, besides I'll always know where they are, is because I'm always paying bills and mailing cards from work.
Anyways, thanks for letting me play along!
BTW, love your photos! :P
#22 should read "various" instead of "varies" and "places" instead of "place"
I need to preview before posting, better yet I need to go to bed.
p.s. since everyone's listing what's in their purses, let me join in:
1) a bunch of cr@p that just don't even belong in there!, and
2) keys, cell, wallet, pen
about 10 years ago, i had a "purse" that my ex- used to call lovingly, "THE BAG." this thing was huge and had so much cr@p in it that i swear i never used once. sheeesh.
I do not carry a purse. I am a man. Men have pockets. Lots of them, and large ones. Many (married) women don't like to carry purses when going out, so men become mobile purses.
I have carried Tampax in my pockets (not for my own use); lipstick (ditto); assorted other cosmetic products; her wallet; her photo album; her Kleenex; her bandaids; and assorted other crapola. When we go out, I am less a husband and companion than a Sherpa.
I don't complain, though. If men didn't have lots of pockets, whap spiders, loosen the lids on jars, and possess penises, women would have long ago banded together and put a bounty on us.
John Stamos on ER! John Stamos on ER! "Nurse, get me 250 milligrams of Recognititalis, STAT ... this man's career has gone flat-line!"
"But ... but .. doctor, that much could kill him!"
"It's a chance millions of TV viewers are prepared to take, nurse."
I have a lot of shit in my purse too, because I don't change it to go with my outfits, so crap accumulates. Crap that includes crumpled receipts that I didn't want to throw away in public, but I didn't throw away at home, my cell phone charger (WHY is that in there?), little gum wrappers, etc.
Also, I have the opposite experience as Nilbo. When we are in public, my husband gives me things to put in my purse. So I got a smaller purse.
Of course ieatcrayonz the Blingo babe has Blingo tickets in her purse. :P
Susie, I just knew you'd keep stamps in your purse! Thanks for explaining why - that makes sense...sorta. ;)
I can't believe you encountered a Target Amway Bastard, Grace! And using my wallet baby picture to shut people up is a GREAT idea!!!
Yeah, the gum chewing thing was sorta like a resolution, mrtl. Not really a resolution, but I did make an actual decision to start chewing gum. Seriously, there is no reason behind this. At all.
Hee, cat. This purse is pretty small compared to my big white purse I used this summer. I carried my camera around in that one. And yeah, sometimes my arm would go numb.
Heh John Boy - you know you love me. :) And I can only imagine your students looking at your bloodied finger and thinking, "Poor dude can't even afford Band-Aids...he has to use Scotch tape!" Hee hee.
This purse is actually fairly small, Di. And I'm so glad you're a nosy freak like me! And I also sneak candy into the movies!!!
I do wish that cute puppy was really mine, Raz.
LadyBug, you would totally win the bridal shower party game! You rock. But girl, what up with all the chapstick/lip gloss you never use? :) (Oh, and I forgot about my travel pack of Kleenex!)
Yay! I'm glad you played, Momo! Cuticle oil?! That would be worth like, 100 points in the bridal shower game! :)
Raz, a few years ago I swore I would never have something that would qualify as THE BAG - I did not want my purse to become my mother's purse. But then I bought a largish purse because it was cute and gradually it started to fill up more and more and now I absolutely cannot imagine NOT carrying all that stuff around with me. In fact, now I look at small purses and think, "Cute but totally impractical."
I'm definitely guilty of making Rob carry all my shit when we go out, Nilbo. But you're on to something - we do it mostly because we're relieved to have finally found a good use for you. ;) (And oh yes, I am ALL OVER John Stamos on ER. But, ::pouting:: his career has NOT gone flatline!)
Ern, last year I had two purses that I switched depending on my outfit, and it was a DISASTER. I cannot tell you how many times I got to work and didn't have keys to get in. Argh. So this year I said to hell with that. And yeah, on vacation Rob always has me lug everything around in my purse - camera, GPS unit, maps, water bottle, etc. It's a brilliant plan, because he knows I won't ask him to carry it.
How did you get your asian baby to talk on the phone so early?
My purse has:
receipts (too many)
Trucco lipstick and lip gloss
Mini perfume
some sort of candy (or, as I call it when I am shopping and the kids don't want to be shopping anymore - 'shut up money')
pen that never ever works
chequebook
wallet (no pictures, not even stock ones)
keys
flotsam and jetsam
some sort of pain reliever, tylenol or advil
Thats about it. I love the london bag! And your grey skirt and shoes make me wish I had your life.
Flotsam and jetsam. I need to get me some of that...