last night I offered the toast "to the next time we can get the hell out of here"
kelly | 13 September 2005 - 10:18am
Can I just tell you how surreal it is to go from being in a city full of French-speaking, baguette-carrying, lovely-shoe-wearing people to being in a valley full of shit-producing, moo-emitting, grass-grazing cows? And what's weirder is that the only thing that separates these two very different worlds is one 8-hour, moderately expensive plane ride. Incredible.
Four things I love about the States:
- Stores and restaurants are almost always open here. It is morally unacceptable for a Starbucks to be closed on a Sunday afternoon. Am I right? It is also a downright sin for restaurants to only be open from noon-2:00 pm and 7:00-10:00 pm. Or for McDonald's to NOT be open at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning, especially when you need food FAST because you have got a plane to catch. Even in Redneck Valley, things open early, close late, and remain open for all of those hours in between. Not the case in Europe. At all. I have so many woeful stories I could tell because of this little cultural difference, but suffice it to say that here in the US of A we are a society not only of excess but of access as well.
- Say it with me, folks: AIR CONDITIONING. Hardly anything was air conditioned in London or Paris. I knew to expect this, and being September it didn't cramp my style too much. But it did bother me on the metro and on trains and other smallish places. And there were times in the middle of the day when we were HOT and wanted to duck into a restaurant as much for cooling off as for eating, but none of them were air conditioned. That kinda sucked.
- Free water at restaurants. At our first meal in London, when the waitress asked us what we wanted to drink, we made the mistake of reciting the line we always use here in the States: "We'll start with water." She proceeded to bring out a bottle of fancy (aka expensive) water which was more or less room temperature (that's another thing - rarely are drinks served cold). During the whole trip, we only once dined in a restaurant that provided water to us for free. I'm not really complaining; I just found it an interesting difference considering that where we live complimentary water at restaurants is pretty much expected.
- Public restrooms that are plentiful and free. There were more public restrooms in London than Paris but, with only a few exceptions, in both cities they were pay toilets. Most stores did not have restrooms, and we even noticed many restaurants (!) that didn't have any restrooms, especially in Paris. Public water fountains were even more difficult to find (but at least they were free - although never cold). I think taking a shit and drinking water are basic human rights and I'm glad I live in a country where I can do these things for free in public places (oh come on, you know what I mean). And that, folks, is about as patriotic as you'll ever see me.
One way cool thing about both cities (perhaps Europe in general, I dunno) is that all posted prices included tax already. Restaurants, street vendors, clothing stores - all of them did this. I've seen this a few times in the States at busy fast food places in cities, but it was the case for every purchase we made on the trip.
Ooh, and another cool thing I noticed in both cities were Smart Cars. They are soooo small! As in, a mini Cooper looks like a frickin' SUV next to these things. They were all over the place in London and Paris.
I became a bit obsessed with these little cars, despite the fact that were I to actually sit in one, I would certainly have an immediate claustrophobia attack much like the one I had while riding in the smallest elevator known to man at our hotel in Paris, in which there was just enough room for Rob, myself, and our two very small suitcases, in which there were two doors, one that automatically opened and one that had to be pushed open and when Rob did not push the manual one open quickly enough I screamed, as only someone who is literally about to black out from the loss of oxygen can, "PUSH IT! HARDER! PUSH IT HARD!", which he did and then deftly stepped into the hallway out of my way as I barrelled out of the elevator gasping for air, heaving for air, and exclaiming, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Oh sweet lord!" only to then turn my head and notice that one of the housekeepers was standing there observing the crazy American lady who is either very claustrophobic or just had an incredible orgasm in the elevator, to whom she politely said, "Bonjour!" to which I responded by mumbling "Pwhummum" as I sucked in deep breaths and stumbled, lightheaded, into our room.
I'm resisting the urge to choose a favorite city. I love to name favorites and I absolutely would if it were an easy answer. But Paris and London are so different from each other and also SO different from New York and SO SO different from San Francisco and then if I start comparing those to the other major cities I've been to (Atlanta, DC, Toronto, Mexico City, Madrid, Barcelona) I just get really really confused. (Does Pittsburgh count? Nah, I didn't think so.)
Of those 10, I will say that my top three, in random order, are New York, London, and Paris, with Toronto as a strong #4. I will also tell you that Atlanta and DC and Mexico City sink to the very bottom of the list, although that's likely unfair to Mexico City because I was there on a mission trip and so only saw the worst parts. The other cities are muddled in the middle somewhere. The next city Rob and I would like to visit is Sydney, Australia. It seems like a cool place. Plus, the man at the post office tells me it is his all-time favorite city, so there you go! Plus, how great would it be to see Australia? PLUS, we could go geocaching with Bente! (I know you don't live in Sydney, Bente, but we'd work it out...)
However, there are currently no plans in the works for a trip to Sydney. I am, however, planning my upcoming pilgrimage to the Target of Redneck Valley. Which, did I mention, opens in October? I'm considering camping out in the parking lot so I can be the first person through the doors. Is that weird? Nah, I didn't think so.
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Atlanta is not that cool? That sucks I am going there next week. OH when you go to Target, you should wear Khaki pants and a red shirt. Seriously they like that.
I've heard people say that Atlanta is cool, william, so maybe we just missed the cool parts. We were there with my parents so it wasn't the same kind of trip had we been there on our own. I have a serious CNN obsession, so we toured that building which was cool. And I did really dig the Coca-Cola factory (you get to taste soda you've never heard of, soda they only distribute in other countries!). But other than those things and one really cool fountain that Max will absolutely love running through, the city felt kinda flat to me.
Mister mrtl's going to Atlanta this weekend. He's complained in the past that there are too many damned streets with "peach" in the name.
This post is one of the reasons why I blove reading your writing so much.
1) i think that, if southern fried girl saw your comment about pittsburgh not counting, she might shrivel up and die. :)
2) your paragraph below the picture of the car, the one about the small elevator, is one single looong sentence and had me gasping for air after reading it! ;)
3) the sentence where you wrote, "And there were times in the middle of the day when we were HOT and wanted to duck into a restaurant as much for cooling off as for eating, but none of them were air conditioned..." could've continued to read, "...and none of them were open in the middle of the day either!!!" ;)
4) great post. welcome home.
Yeah, I should have warned you about the no-free-water thing. And what the f*ck is with the no cold beverages rule? I always had to be really specific and ask for ice every time I had a drink.
Still waiting for the pics ... did you do the London Eye?
And sadly, I have no advice for you re: Target. You're on your own.
Great to have you back!
Man, you have been to a lot of cities, lady! What the fuck am I still doing in school? I could have a job and travel. I guess I missed that boat! Shit. *cussing fit over...sorry*
It seems like from what you have written that it can all be summed up by saying that the US is a country of people that want to be able to get what they want when they want it, and be ensconsed in spacious, leather, climate-controlled comfort in the process. The small cars, closed stores/restaurants, A/C, no free water. I would love to live somewhere like that for a year, to experience the difference.
Woo-whee! Lord, woman, step away from the coffee, niiiiiiice and slow, there you go...
And this?: "I think taking a shit and drinking water are basic human rights and I'm glad I live in a country where I can do these things for free in public places."
Best. Line. Evah.
And I completely concur. Those pay toilets made me SOOOO angry. When I went to Harrod's, they wanted, like, a POUND to use the toilet!! That's, like, what? a dollar and a half?! I was all, "Nuh-freaking-uh!" But then I regretted it, because I heard that toilet was one freaking nice toilet. You know, with attendants and EVERYTHING! That handed you TOWELS and stuff! Not to keep, but still. So I totally missed my opportunity to take a whizz in a freaking nice toilet, yo? And freaking nice toilets don't come along every day, I tell you what! DAMN IT TO HELL I WANT TO USE THAT TOILET!
Anyway, I completely forgot what I was talking about. And I can't believe you didn't bring me pastries. WTF?!
"PUSH IT HARD! HARDER!"
Heh. (Shut up! I'm 12!)
Paris must have an elevator thing because I thought my hotel had the world's smallest elevator in the known universe. Creepy. The question remains. Did you get a photograph of it?
Welcome back! We enjoyed jealously reading your posts from abroad! I'm going to be totally unpatriotic here:
1. At first it sucks that everything is closed, but you get used to it. The cool thing is, no one has to work crap hours and practically everyone who wants to can go home for lunch and a nap. Going along with the worker friendly thing would be the mandated minimum vacation. In Germany, it's five weeks. Minimum. As in, if you flip burgers at McDonald's, you're still entitled to at least five weeks off a year.
2. Fucking global warming. That is all.
3. I don't know about the rest of Europe, but in Germany they think cold drinks are a terrible shock to your system. Bad for your circulation, as is anything like heat or drafts -- they are always complaining about having a "circulation collapse." Not sure what that is. And not having free water sucks. Not having free health care sucks more. Not that it helps when you are visiting and have neither free water nor free health care.
4. I hate public restrooms with a passion. But there are some benefits to the pay ones -- in Berlin, they had these awesome bathroom capsule-things that literally sprayed down and disinfected the entire sci-fi looking bathroom between each person. And when I was in Paris, I got to witness a door flying open on a guy whose money had run out. That was pretty hysterical to a 14 year-old. Who am I kidding -- it's cracking me up now.
Did I cheer you up about being back in the States?
mrtl, that peach statement is so true! And thank you.
Thanks for the welcome home, Raz. You've been on my mind - I've missed you.
We did do the London Eye, Nilbo. It was AWESOME. It was probably Rob's favorite thing in London. The photos are coming - we took 150 a day, on average, and we're still sorting through the Paris ones.
Ern, at least half of those cities I went to as a teenager, either with school or church or my family. And I'm with you - I would love to live somewhere else for a year. There are a number of places I would absolutely move to if Rob would just agree to it.
Oh cat, I used the toilets at Harrods. TWICE. And I guess times have changed because they were free, girl. And NICE. Really nice. Sadly, no towel attendant. But NICE nonetheless. Had I only known this about you, I would have gladly taken pictures of the Harrods toilets. You know, in place of the pastries I didn't bring.
Von, I meant to get a picture of it! But I didn't. We used the stairs from then on. Nice wide, lovely stairs. And oddly, the largest elevator I've ever been on was in Paris, too. Same day, actually. It was in a metro station of all places. It was HUGE. And I didn't get a picture of it, either. I suck.
grace, the free health care is a nice perk, although if we lived in England and make what we make here (ish), we'd pay over a third of it in taxes. That sorta sucks. (I still think it's a better system than what we have, though.) And yeah, I mentioned in one of my London posts that while it was annoying to us as travelers that everything was closed, I actually admired the fact that people don't work quite so hard over there. Well, certainly they work as hard but not as much. They've got their priorities straight. Now, sorta funny story: I used a pay toilet in London and came out absolutely disgusted that the floor was completely wet. I was like, "Eew, Rob, the floor was completely wet! And it's a toilet, so obviously you know what made it wet and that is just....EEW!" And then Rob used it, and while he was in there he examined everything to figure out how it all works and then he came out and gave me a 5-minute explanation of how the toilet folds up and blah blah blah and how it shoots disinfectant all over the floor. Which is why it was wet. And I was like, "Oh. So you're saying it's not pee on the bottom of my shoes? That's cool." :)
I've only been to Sydney once, and it was only on a stop over on the way to Nova Scotia, and it was on a very hot and humid day, but ick. It absolutely smelled everywhere! I think it had been ages since anyone had changed the bins and you could smell sour milk every five feet. But I wouldn't take that as a reason not to visit because we didn't actually see much of the city. If you do ever go it's only an hour plane ride and 2 hour drive from the airport to get to where I live so we could definitely work something out!
Oh yeah, also we tried to go into a pub for dinner, but they wouldn't let us in because Elli was underage. I know she is actually underage, but it was like 6pm and we weren't planning on giving her much alcohol... I suppose that's not something you need to worry about, but it was pretty silly.
The best Australian city is Brisbane. Of course, I'm very biased (having lived there my entire life)... but it is! Really! I've never been to Sydney, though. Could be nice. :o)
Okay...I'll be jealous of you for your fabulous European trip and you be jealous of me for going to Super Target yesterday AND today.
P.S. My brother is a General Manager of a Super Target!
P.P.S. Stupid joke...When you go into the bathroom your American, when you come out of the bathroom your American. What are you when your in the bathroom???? European!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Get it! Your-a-peein'! Sorry couldn't help myself.
I'll post my pic of the very elevator Kelly refers to. Kelly, try not to hyperventilate ...
Welcome Home!
John Stamos!
Eew, sour milk? Hmmm, perhaps I'll re-evaluate this Sydney plan... And not letting you into the pub because Elli was underage?! Oh, that shit ain't right, Bente. Not right at all.
Yes, perhaps we'll go to Brisbane instead. Thanks Alyssa!
Okay, I was fine when I read "yesterday" but the "AND today" put me over the edge, Di. Seriously, two days in a row?! You are killing me here!
Oh, and the European joke? Hee hee.
And Nilbo saves the day by providing a photo of The Elevator! Nice. What you people need to know is that it looks twice as long as it really is. Seriously, it's a frickin' torture chamber.
Thanks Torrie! I missed you.
To your 4 points, all I can say is Yes, yes, yes and HELL BLOODY YES!
I almost came to blows with a loo attendant in Germany in a RESTAURANT I ATE AT because I would give her money for the loo. WHAT??? My 20 Euro meal is not enough payment to go pee? Get stuffed, baby.
And those CARS....god I loved them. I thought I could fit one in my pocket and take it home.
Taking note of one of my favorite blog's current reads, I checked out one of the books on their list. Me thinks that somebody is teetering on writing the sequel to "Me Talk Pretty One Day." :)
I so totally missed you.
Now I have to go and figure out what the dog is chewing on this time.
DEAR GOD IT'S LIKE HAVING A FRIGGIN' BABY!!!!
Ironically enough, traveling to Europe sounds very much like traveling to (or even living in) China. No 24-hour convenience stores. No A/C (and no heat either, for that matter). You can get free water, but not only is it not cold, it's usually boiling hot (the Chinese also think cold water is bad for your system). And though they are fairly cheap, restrooms in China are also rarely free. You're basically paying for the TP (which is generally stolen right out of the few restrooms that might dare to keep it in them, i.e. a luxury hotel).
Hey, you're all set for an Asian tour! You've already experienced the rough stuff ;)
I'm glad you mentioned the time priorities in your comments. I admire that in most other countries spending time with family and loved ones is ranked higher than overtime.
I'm sad that you didn't like Mexico City. Yes, the polution is horrible, but the culture and the city have so many wonderful things to offer. You'll have to go with me sometime, so I can show you the other side of Mexico :)
I also thought Atlanta was "flat" when I went last year. Not sure what it was, but I wasn't really impressed.
Tanya, how is it that the entire time I was in London I never once heard someone say "bloody"? What a frickin' rip-off. And as for the loo attendant - that shit ain't right.
ieatcrayonz, me thinks that is a damn good idea (albeit one that requires much more talent than possessed by this online essayist).
I so totally missed you too, kristine. And I can't believe you got a dog!!
Do they have pink TP in China, Andrea? They had pink TP in London AND Paris. Rob said it was to prevent people from stealing it, but then later we saw it being sold at the grocery store and thus concluded that they just like their TP pink. AWESOME.
John Boy - Yeah, I would definitely sacrifice the anytime-access we're accustomed to here in the States (which while convenient is completely unnecessary) for more vacation time for everyone. Work is overrated. And I am all over our trip to Mexico! My time there was incredible because of the work we were doing. But I didn't get to tour the city at all, other than the slum areas we were working in, and so I don't have an accurate sense of the place. At least I hope I don't, because what I saw was depressing.
Pink TP? Oh yeah. The most common color, however, is gray, and it's so abrasive it will rub your bottom raw. Don't even attempt to blow your nose on it, and heaven help you if you have a cold and are out of tissues.
Hey Kelly, sounds like a great trip. I hear you, about pretty much everything except the no free water part I guess that's a London/Paris thing? I just got back from spending a month with my in-laws in Wales, and the drinks are NEVER cold.
Oh yeah, and at a 'chain restaurant', on the motorway, the waitress stared at me like I had three heads last time, when I asked for a refill of my Diet Coke with ice.
Um yeah, I got it that there were no free refills like there are here, but was I really being that strange?
To comment on the TP situation in Asian countries...I have encountered in Hong Kong some of the worst TP EVER...much like Andrea described - like newsprint but worse. Most of the time, I am just grateful if the loos have paper in Hong Kong...even though it leaves me with daiper-rash bum.
Coloured paper is wrong and it freaks me out.
Andrea, yes! Soft toilet paper is another thing I love about this country!
Hi Cristin! Wow, to see Wales would be awesome. And I forgot to mention refills in my post, but that is definitely another big difference. And no, hon you were NOT being that strange.
Colored TP freaks me out too, Tanya.