cats in the cradle
kelly | 29 August 2005 - 9:17am
Today's motif is Songwriting for Animals. First of all, I'm just very glad to know that I'm not the only one who sings to my pets. Second, thinking about this has brought on an entire post about how I treat my cats like children.
I am very physical in my affection for the cats. I hug them and squeeze them and call them Georgie. And...I am a cat kisser. There, I said it. I kiss my cats all the time. If this disturbs you, please stop reading because it is only going to get worse.
With the cats, I refer to Rob as "Daddy." As in, "Maylee-Bailey, go give Daddy some love," and "Dammit Simon, stop eating Daddy's cereal!" and "Bridgie-Widgie, when Mommy leaves Daddy, who do you want to live with?.....MOMMY?! Oh, what a good kitty! You LOVE your mommy very much don't you? You love your mommy MUCH more than you love your daddy, yes you do!"
(You have all suddenly concluded that it is a VERY good thing we don't want children, haven't you? I know, I am completely deranged.)
Sometimes I take this mother/child thing a bit too far with the cats. I have been known to cuddle Bridget in my arms and tell her that she came "from Mommy's tummy." (She doesn't know she's adopted.) As you might imagine, this freaks Rob the frick out. As in, he REALLY hates it when I do that. As you might also imagine, I do it fairly often for that very reason.
When we had to put Maylee in a onesie because of her stitches, I thought she was so cute that I wanted to buy onesies for all of the cats so I could put them in their "pajamas" every night. I might have even suggested that after putting them in their pajamas, we could brush their teeth and then tuck them into bed. Like I said, deranged. Rob, however, put his fatherly foot down on that one. I think the idea disturbed him even more than the "Mommy's tummy" thing.
So then, considering the energy I devote to being a bona fide mother to my babies, you would think I would have great songs for them, wouldn't you? However, there is only one song that I sing, to Bridget, and it goes something like this:
"Mommy loves Bridgie and Bridgie loves Mommy.
Mommy loves Bridgie and Bridgie loves Mommy.
Mommy loves Bridgie and Bridgie loves-"
Okay, you get the idea. The lyrics are lame, but it's a catchy little tune. And it's quite versatile. I can mix it up and sing, for example, "Mommy loves Maylee and Maylee loves Mommy" or "Mommy loves Simon and Simon loves Mommy." Or even, "Daddy loves Bridgie and Bridgie loves Daddy." I have never done that last one. (Ooh! I just thought of a new one: "Daddy loves Bridgie and Bridgie loves MOMMY." Definitely going to have to sing that one this evening.)
What I lack in creative songwriting I make up for in theme names, though. Yes, I said theme names. I only do this with Bridget because I love her the most. She has a blocked tear duct in one eye which causes that eye to water pretty much all the time. And so I tell her that if she were in the Mafia, she would be called Ol' Watery Eye. She also carries her tail in the shape of a question mark, and so if she were a Native American kitty, her name would be Crooked Tail. When she was a kitten, her whiskers were crimped (cutest thing EVER). And so, obviously, if she were in a heavy metal band she would be Twisted Whisker.
Yes, I am a CRAZY CAT LADY. And damn proud to be one, thank you very much.
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You are so frickin' CUTE. Seriously. I blove you.
But, um, the "from Mommy's tummy" thing might have freaked my shit out, maybe. Possibly.
Are the cats going to Paris with you?
OK, to Rob: I didn't step up for you on the Paris thing, but in this particular little quirk, you have my unconditional support. Anything you can do to discourage the whole "mumsy-wumsy" thing will bring the mental health curve up just a smidge. Cause I gotta say, right around "Mummy's tummy", it began a precipitous decline.
And to Kelly: as much as I love and respect cats (I have two), and I understand your affection, and singing to them, and even kissing them, I have to remind you that, when you read stories about a crazy cat lady who fell and couldn't get up and was found dead in her house weeks later ... they always end with "... the cats were removed to an animal shelter." NOT "... her cats also died, because hey, nobody was there to feed them." So ... draw your own conclusions about how long your cats will mourn your passing. Evidence suggests it will be "until din-dins."
Seriously. A truckload of WORD to everything Nilbo said. A FREAKING TRUCKLOAD!
I am laughing so hard right now, you deranged cat-lover, you! The "from mommy's tummy" thing has me in stitches, woman. Freaked the hell out, but in stitches, nonetheless. Honestly. It's a mercy Rob hasn't had you put away yet.
I'm just sayin'...
;)
Blove you!
As long as they aren't dead kitties in your house, I'd say that you're only a few tuna cans shy of crossing over to CRAZY CAT LADY status.
I dress Kota up and we sing to the pooches ALL the time. I had to ban Rancito from singing Mr. Farley to the tune of Mr. Sandman. Got a tad irritating.
Give Ol' Watery Eye a big kiss from me!
You are a riot, woman! Who needs kids when you have the world now??
Oh, yes, even more ways that we are alike! Except for the "mommy's tummy" bit. But if it bugged David enough, I just might do it over and over! You crack me up!
P.S. Your theme names ROCK. I especially love Twisted Whisker. Teehee.
hilarious post as usual! :-)
I meant to add (as it always makes MY day) that I loved this whole freaking post. All of it. From "when Mommy leaves Daddy, who do you want to live with?.....MOMMY?! Oh, what a good kitty!" to the "catchy little tune" (complete with lame lyrics guaranteed to drive Rob NUTS), you had me laughing. You are such a fabulous writer, Kell. Such VOICE.
Loved.It.Lots.
Im laughing so hard my tummy hurts! Cat's first comment, about Rob not putting you away yet, was the last straw. It was so funny.
Nothing wrong with kissing kitties. Does Rob kiss the kitties too?
You two make wonderful kitty parents. I want pictures of them in the onesies! That would be too darn cute.
I don't have time to wrestle with Blogger today, so I'm not doing this theme, but I do have time to leave a quick post here. And I'll tell you the song I once made up for Linus, my boy kitty, when we first got him and he had baaaaad ear mites. I had to clean his ears out with medicine on a Q-tip, and to keep him calm, I would sing this to him:
Linus is a good boy, a good boy, a good boy,
Linus is a good boy, a good boy, a good boy,
Linus is a good boy, a good boy, a good boy,
Linus is a good boy.
I know. Profound, isn't it? In fact, your song made me think of it ;) Don't you just wish you knew the actual TUNE?
(P.S. I have been known to kiss my kitties too. But, um, I draw the line at telling them they came from my tummy. You CRACK me up, Kelly!)
If you can't talk to your cat, WHO can you talk to?
Hahahahahaaahaaaaaa. Ohmygoodness! This post had me literally LOL. Especially the part about Bridget not knowing she was adopted. You are a freaking riot.
Blove you too, LadyBug! And your italics cracked my shit up, definitely. Absolutely.
Um no, william. But I did tell Bridget she could stow away in my carry-on. And Rob will tell you that on vacation, I say "I miss the kitties" at least once a day. If not more.
Nilbo, I have often wondered if the cats love me only for the food I provide. But I have convinced myself that there's an actual affection there, beyond the food. This is completely untrue, but try to play along, okay?
So it's safe to say you're laughing at me and not with me, cat? :) Blove you too, girl.
Mr. Farley to the tune of Mr. Sandman! Oh, I love it, ieatcrayonz. And a man who will sing to animals is a man worth keeping around. Fo sho. Ol' Watery Eye sends kisses right back. And a wet, drippy-eyed rub against your chin.
mrtl, I have a friend who didn't have kids until her mid-30's, and she says it was after, one by one, all her cats died. With them around, she didn't feel the need for children. But when she lost them, the emptiness was so great she couldn't think of any way to fix it but have a kid. I tell this story so people will know that there are stranger ones than me. Heh.
Ern, we need to meet like, yesterday.
Thanks, LB. There are more that I can't remember. I'll come up with one and say, "Oooh, ROB! That was a good one! Remember that one, okay?" And he never does. And neither do I. I like to think Bridget does, though. ;)
Aww, thanks Weetzie.
Thank you, cat. That did make my day, truly. Especially coming from you, the queen of VOICE and great writing.
Hi lawbrat! Rob isn't a pussy kisser (what? how could I resist that one?) but he does love on the pussies. When we were married, he claimed he was allergic to the pussy, but I soon convinced him to let a pussy into his life, and now he loves on pussies all the time. I don't know how I could ever love a man who wasn't a pussy-lover. Wait, what was your question again?
Oh, that is an excellent song, Andrea! And yes, quite similar to mine in its profundity. And by the way, Linus is a GREAT cat name. Love it.
So true, Von. And now here's a sad story. When I was a kid I had a cat I just loved to pieces. And one day we found her in the road; she had been hit. I was so distraught and cried all evening, and at one point I automatically did what I always did when I needed to be comforted - I went to the garage where my cat lived. I opened the door before I realized she wouldn't be there anymore. And then, oh the wails of sorrow.
Seriously, Bente, that whole adopted thing? It would devastate her.
;)
Well, I'm late again. Do any of you work during the day? ;)
Okay, you warned me, but I still went ahead and read the whole post. I'm a little disturbed now. Well, actually more than a little.
Oh Rob! You are a good man. If it weren't for you I honestly wonder what would have come of Kelly. There are so many possibilities and none of them are very pleasant. The kitty and pussy connection just is not good, not at all! Kitties do not come from pussies! Please for the love of humanity explain this to your wife! lol
Yeah, but see, his sister's name, it's LUCY (get it??)
You are NOT a crazy cat lady. The simple reason that you and I are not crazy cat ladies is because we are married. No crazy cat lady ever got any. It's true. How would her cats have been able to eat her if there were a dutiful husband shooing them away, even if he forgets to feed them, like mine would, or doesn't rinse out their water bowls, like yours would.
And NPR did this whole thing about dog music and some of those songs are not very far from yours. And it's been scientifically tested to make them happy. So there you go!
YAAAY! You're back! I missed you! I love you! Smooches!
That is all.
OMG! ROFLOL! Seriously funny stuff, granted a bit disturbing, but funny!
Love the theme names and your interchangable names song, Crazy Cat Lady!
Heh, John Boy said pussy. Heh heh.
Awwww, Andrea! LUCY?! I get it and I love it!!
Thanks for sharing that article, Grace - fascinating! And thank you for reassuring me that I'm not a crazy cat lady. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Because there's not.
LadyBug - Smooches right back, babe.
Teehee, Momo. :)