this is what they mean when they say the honeymoon is over
kelly | 25 August 2005 - 1:36am
Okay, so Rob and I are going to London next week, and then Paris after that. I don't mean to sound so blasé about it because I am, of course, super-excited. However, at the moment I am so incredibly annoyed with my husband that I can't take time to get all gushy-gush over Europe. There's plenty of time next week for gushy-gush.
So yeah, we're booking our hotels this week - which, right there annoys the fuck out of me because we should have been booking them like, WEEKS ago, like when we first found out about this trip, but we didn't. And that's not really my fault but I won't even go into why it isn't because this bitch session isn't about that. It is, however, related.
So we booked our London hotel last evening and this evening, after I tied Rob to his chair and insisted he stop working on work already so he could FOCUS, we got down to the business of finding a hotel in Paris. We had chosen a couple areas in Paris that we'd prefer to stay, but needless to say, because we waited until practically the last minute, all the hotels in those areas are booked.
Except one that Rob found which sounded perfect - until he checked the availability and all they had open for the nights we'll be in Paris was a room with 2 twin beds.
And here is where I ask you, the blogworld: For a married couple (or any couple, for that matter) who is traveling to Paris (or anywhere, for that matter) ISN'T 2 TWIN BEDS A DEAL-BREAKER? Because last time I checked, we are not Rob and Laura Petrie. We don't sleep in two twins beds at home, so why the FUCK would we stay in them in Paris? You know Paris, the most romantic city in the world?
But Rob? He totally wanted to stay there. In 2 twin beds! In PARIS! He wanted to stay with his wife, in Paris, in 2 twin beds. (Keep in mind you can't push them together because they are stuck-to-the-floor hotel beds.) This was so fucking unfathomable to me that I responded to him in the only way I knew how: I told him I wanted a divorce. And seriously, at least 5% of me meant it. Maybe 10%. TWO TWIN BEDS IN PARIS, PEOPLE!!
The kicker is that he then found another hotel right down the street, same amenities, same great location, with a DOUBLE bed for $85 more/night. And he said to me, "It's $85 more PER NIGHT. That's a significant amount of money. I think the twin-bed option should stay on the table since it will save us $85/night."
(Now I realize that $85 is not pocket change. But we are going to Paris. Clearly we can afford an extra $85/night for something we consider an essential. You know, like SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED.)
But apparently Rob does not consider that an essential. Apparently Rob has determined the value of spending the night in bed with me to be less than $85. My own husband would not pay $85/night to sleep with me! I could walk out onto the street, in podunk Redneck Valley no less, and find someone who would pay more than that to sleep with me. Guaranteed. But my own husband? Apparently not.
HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?
And no, we're not just talking about sleeping here - we're talking about sex. I realize that it is logistically possible to have sex on a twin bed - lord knows college kids all across the world have that down to a science - but let me make this clear - if I am sleeping in a TWIN BED in PARIS, there will be NO SEX. You will not be getting some in Paris, husband of mine. NOT IF I'M SLEEPING IN A TWIN BED.
So we were pretty much at an impasse in deciding which hotel to go with, not that it mattered since I was going to bail out of the entire trip anyway, considering the impending divorce and all. I already had plans in my head to make my plane ticket available to the blogworld, so that someone could go on this trip in my place. Because what would it matter? YOU'D BE STAYING IN TWO TWIN BEDS!
But then I remembered an email from Nilbo (who has been sending me suggestions for London, who has been an absolute godsend) in which he recommended a hotel in Paris. And so I dug through my email and found it and turns out? By staying at that hotel we would be saving even more than $85/night and THEY HAVE A ROOM AVAILABLE WITH A DOUBLE BED. (Not that I even want to share a bed with Rob at this point, but I figure I'll have forgiven him by the time we get to Paris. Maybe.)
Nilbo, you saved my marriage.(™Cat)
*****
I would like to note that, as always, I have Rob's permission to post this. Because he STILL doesn't see how completely fucked up he is on this. He thinks you people are going to side with him. And please, go ahead if you feel so inclined, really. But seriously? TWO TWIN BEDS? In PARIS?!! That shit ain't right.
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In Rob's defense ... let me just say ... ummm ...
Nope. Sorry, dude. I got nothin' ... when she's right, she's right.
yeah, rob, i'm really trying to side with you on this one, but I can't... is there more to this story? this is PARIS we're talking about here. picture the balcony doors thrown open, the cool morning breeze lightly wafting the gauzy curtains, the smell of fresh espresso from the café on the corner, the promise of a new day in the city of love... and your sweetie, still asleep, curled up in the crook of your arm...
how could you fuck that up?
Sigh. Rob, you have demonstrated your astounding intellect on numerous occasions. However, it is absolutely untenable that you considered spending your time in Paris - with the woman you adore! - in SEPARATE beds. I'm with Kelly.
I was going to suggest that as your twin, I be allowed to take your place on this trip, because I would be more than happy to sleep in the twin bed. Then it dawned on me that they're not called "twin beds" for nothing. So CLEARLY the solution is to leave ROB at home and let us twins take Paris by storm.
Oh, no no no Rob. That's just not right. Paris and twin beds are like oil and water...there is no mixing there.
Oh hell no. NO. Even suggesting it? No. At first I was thinking, just push them together, problem solved. But then you answered that in the post later on.
Paris? Twin bed? I'm flabbergasted. If I was married, or on a trip to PARIS with a significant other, Twin beds would equal I'm so going with someone else, like someone I'd want to have twin beds with!
First of all: *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLL*
How exciting is that, you two going to Europe?!? I'm giddy for you.
Secondly: Things are pretty tight at my house, financially, so $85 is a helluva lot of money, times two nights, which means it's really $170. That's my electric bill, right there. BUT. I'm assuming if I actually had the money to travel to Europe, that I'd also have the money to fork over the extra $170 for the DOUBLE BED.
Thirdly: I can't help this, and please forgive my so-unlike-me language, but my prevailing thought when I was reading that was, There is nothing wrong with fucking on the floor.
Ok, you are not Lucy and Ricky so NO TWIN BEDS. I will say though, that the rooms in most Parisian hotels are small, so I'm not surprised but NO, you can't stay in twin beds!
We've always stayed in the Marais which is a lot of fun. The hotel we always stayed in has gotten too expensive and trendy so I won't even suggest but I do want to share a good shopping tip.
I love Petit Bateau t-shirts but they are too expensive here in the states. In Paris, they are underwear and don't cost a lot even with the dollar being really weak against the euro. The department store Printemps (in the Opera section of town) has a great selection of the t-shirts on the 2nd floor, in the juniors department. Long-sleeves are about $16 and short sleeve are even less. I wear a size 16 which translates to a well-fitted medium.
Nilbo has spoken. Listen to the man.
michael, that is my point exactly. And what a beautiful way to put it - of course, I should have expected such eloquence from you, the giver of Hallmark cards. Grace, you are a lucky lady!
Yes, untenable! Exactly, Sydney. Now, will you please karate kick him for me? Thank you.
Pure genius, SG. I am ALL OVER THAT!
Oil and water! See, Rob? Listen to Bente - she knows.
"Oh hell no. NO. Even suggesting it? No." - My feelings exactly, lawbrat. Thank you. And flabbergasted? Yes, completely!
Thanks for being excited for me, LadyBug! And actually, it's three nights, which makes it worse cost-wise. (But that's also three nights we'd be sleeping APART, in twin beds, which is also worse.) And um, I have to say that your last little sentence there made me laugh out loud and then blush deeply. Blove you, girl.
Ooh, kristen, thank you! I love an insider shopping tip! And now that I have a bit of a grudge against Rob, there will be MUCH shopping. Oh yes, lots and lots and lots of revenge shopping.
I think Kelly conveniently left some information out when painting the picture of me as not romantic. First, it's three nights in Paris, which means we're talking about $250, not $85. $250 could buy us a very nice, romantic evening in Paris. An elegant dinner, maybe even a show.
Secondly, the implication above is that two people cannot sleep in a single bed, so the assumption is being made that we would be sleeping separately. But this is not true. Kelly failed to mention that we have slept in a single bed before; it is not a dealbreaker. In larger hotel beds, we wake up in the morning, not touching, with a full 20 inches between us. Where's the romance in that? I'm hurt that my wife doesn't find the coziness and closeness of sleeping with me in a smaller bed enjoyable and, well, romantic. That's the real indication that the honeymoon is over.
Third, the hotel in question was in our ideal location within Paris. It was within walking distance of many attractions and had a view of the Eiffel Tower. It was in a picturesque neighborhood. The ambiance would have been perfect, and indeed quite romantic.
I'm just saying.
Ya know what, I'm gonna have to side with Rob on this. This is a chance to be Creative! Spontaneous!
Take that $250 and spend it on dinner and wine and hot french lingerie. Fuck on the floor, or on the balcony, or in the eiffel tower. Who cares where you sleep?
Well, Rob love, had you been so eloquent last evening, I perhaps might have given it 5 seconds' consideration. But when I asked you, "Um, what would the sleeping arrangements be if we had two twin beds?" you said "Well, we'd each sleep in one, I guess." And darling, the thought of not sharing my bed with you, even for one night, much less three, just simply devastates me.
Now then, after reading LadyBug's and that other rose's suggestions for the floor - meet me at home in 20 minutes? ;)
that other rose - You are dead to me. Oh, I KID! I KID!! ;)
Kalki, I'm ashamed of you! Why would you even consider sleeping when there is much romping to be done - all night long! You guys can sleep in shifts during the day.
I also made the mistake of booking a double twin room two years ago for a long weekend in Hot Springs. However, I did not know that the beds were nailed to the DAMN FLOOR! Rob, there was no nookie. Don't kid yourself. Luckily, this was only for the first night, and then we moved to a different hotel with a KING! Then the nookie commenced.
Rob, you owe Nilbo your firstborn. Er, awkward. Well shizz, Kelly, there aren't any other sayings I can thing of right now!
As lovely as Rob's backtracking is, I have to side with Kelly on this one. Emphatically. As in OF FRANCE!!!!
You don't skimp on Paris. You go into debt if you must for Paris. There can be no half-assing it in Paris.
Oh, take me!
I am with you. City of Romance + Twin Beds = NO!
Nope, sorry Rob. I'm afraid you're gonna have to buy flowers and put out to make up for this one. Even my husband was like, "Oh. No he didn't.".
But, hooray, Paris!
Rob is wrong.
Nilbo is awesome.
That is all.
Carry on.
Clearly Rob can learn much from you, ieatcrayonz. "Then the nookie commenced." - Hee hee, that makes me giggle. I don't know why. And our firstborn? Heh, that made me laugh. Blove you.
mrtl, love your comment. The middle sentence sounded so very Sex and the City. OF FRANCE!!
Thank you for breaking it down to a practical, mathematical level which Rob may better understand, Von. See, Rob? It's so simple, really.
Now flowers is an excellent idea, Amanda B! And I applaud your husband's priorities. Give him a hug and maybe nibble his ear a little. (Not from ME, of course - from you. I have to clarify that or mrtl will start calling me a slut again.)
Well said, Torrie. Well said.
Okay, even before I read Rob's response I was going to say almost exactly what he said. I see why I am the boy toy, I think like your husband. I also think that many of the people that are holding Paris as this oh so romantic place haven't been. It is romantic, but not really any more than any other major city in Europe. Sorry, ladies. Plus it is expensive. That $250 could be spent on some wonderful food and wine. And, Kelly, I hope by this point in your marriage it's not really as important where you are "jumping" as it is that you are "jumping". If it had turned out that this was the only place left in your budget and you decided you would just rather not go, I would say Rob should be the one asking for a divorce. I've done the twin bed thing in a pinch while traveling through Europe and it didn't interrupt a thing. Let the love flow and enjoy your wonderful trip to Europe, Kelly. Don't let a bed ruin that. Blove you :)
You're right, of course, John Boy. And I have been to Paris before, so I'm actually much more excited about London, where we will definitely have a double bed. But it wasn't the size of the bed that disturbed me as much as what it said about his priorities, that saving money is more important than our togetherness (or comfort, for that matter). Of course, that's the way I interpreted it, and he would certainly say that's not a fair representation of his priorities at all. But still, I felt rather unimportant next to the budget. However, as it turned out, we will be saving money AND sleeping in a double bed, so we both got what we wanted and neither of us will need to file for a divorce.
As always, thanks for your perspective. Blove you, boy toy. ;)
One bed for sleeping, one for sex. That way no one has to sleep in the wet spot.
Um, maybe he planned to keep you out all night dancing under the moonlight in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower?
No?
Um, maybe he was going to lay blankets on the floor and cover them in rose petals and do alittle strip tease for you in a bow tie?
No?
Maybe uh, maybe sometimes guys just dont get it? And even with all the nookie, you need to get good sleep in Paris. You have to look hot for all those cute little french boys with big beds that will be checkin you out.
ehhehehehe
I'm SURE Rob would pay $85 for the pleasure of, uh, pleasuring you in Paris, Kelly! I mean, I have no doubt in my mind! You are TOTALLY worth that! But you're talking tTHREE nights at $85 a POP! (oh, ew, you know what I mean...) Hmm... That's a tough one.
Hee. I'm with LadyBug. Take that $250+ and hit the sights! Buy stuff! Eat extravagent Parisian meals! Make googly eyes at each other and coo things like, "Oooh la la!" and "Je veux avoir le sexe avec vous!" and stuff! Buy me a souvenir! Let them EAT CAKE!!
I mean, gosh. $85 a NIGHT. That's a lot of cash, mija.
And, um, Closet Metro? This is me dumping truckloads of "EW!!!" on you.
Closet Metro! You are my soulmate, dude, because I totally do the sex in one, sleep in the other thing! In two double-bed hotel rooms, that is. Or wait? Were you joking? Because if so, then no, I don't do that. Course not.
Ooh, JessicaRabbit, thank you for reminding me of the cute little french boys with the big....beds.
So cat, you're siding with Rob then? This is all because I put that hole in your wall, isn't it? ;) Oh, and girl, your French is totally HOT.
I've got a little story for you, Kelly.
Leo and I were married in China. For our honeymoon, we went to Beijing and Harbin (the latter of which has a fantastic ice festival, which is actually a popular honeymoon spot in China). Upon arriving at our hotel in Beijing, I checked out the digs. Twin beds. Yep, twin beds on my honeymoon. Actually, twin beds are quite common in most mid-range (which was what we could afford then) hotels in China. Nothing else was available. And this was China, where pleas that "This is our HONEYMOON" in anything but a tourist hotel would be met with a bored stare. So we made the best of it. And it wasn't all that bad ;)
Oh, and by the way...the honeymoon was not even our WEDDING NIGHT. Where did we spend that? At my in-laws house, oh yes we did.
All that said, definitely in Paris you need to spring for a double.
OMG ANDREA!! Twin beds on your honeymoon? Wedding night spent at the in-laws? Girl, you deserve a freakin' Merit Bridal Badge for being such a good sport! And yeah, that story made me feel better about this whole thing...
(OMG - twin beds on your honeymoon?!)
OK, I haven't read any of the other comments, but here are my two cents:
QUIT YOUR BITCHIN', WOMAN! YOU'RE GOING TO PARIS.
And PS, I made your squash casserole this week and it was delicious! And it was a HUGE HIT with the husband. And the neighbor from across the street who came by with his "poor, starving, bachelor student" act. :) And, I just started 4 sentences in a row with "and" which I think might be some kind of a record.
I didn't comment last night for fear of being trampled, but now I see that there is more support for my um, position, so I will be bold. LadyBug, ClosetMetro and of course, Rob, make excellent points. I must ask, how could it not be excellent when LadyBug states so delicately that "There is nothing wrong with fucking on the floor." Sleeping, etc., together in a twin bed can be very romantic, and nostalgic. You know you used to! Jif and I had twin beds when we went to Bermuda, didn't know until we got there, but we made the best of it, and had no complaints. I realize Bermuda is not Paris, but still. I like ClosetMetro's observation. Reminds me of in college, once my roommate was angry and yelled at her boyfriend about his leaving something on "the fucking bed!" In an effort to lighten the moment, I said, "Wait a minute. That's the 'fucking bed'? I've been fucking in the wrong bed!" From then on, we referred to her bed as the fucking bed and mine as the sleeping bed. (These were just names, we did not truly reserve these beds for their stated purposes. But STILL, as CM says, you COULD do that. That would be FUN and silly.)
The only drawback would be if you and/or Rob are the type that beat each other up in your sleep. I know people who have to have a kingsize bed for all the rolling and kicking and thrashing. Jif and I don't go there. We snuggle up to sleep, and wake snuggled, basically in the same position.
And Kalki, sweetheart, you're going to Paris with your love. I think I speak for many present when I say, SHUT UP!
Wasn't expecting this, but Tony definitely sided with Rob. I honestly thought he would go for the double bed! Nope, said he thought twin beds would work just fine. Personally, I think Tony is siding with Rob to make him feel better for the "EFO" Pictionary incident, but that's just me. :)
i'll second susie. if i were blessed enough to be in paris (the most romantic city i can think of offhand) with a view of the eiffel tower with a devoted and dedicated husband who loved me, i would sleep on rickety cots on opposite ends of the room for as many days as needed without a care in the world. or, rather, i'd sleep with him on his rickety twin cot and snuggle like there was no tomorrow.
you.are.blessed. blove you. that is all.
So glad it is all working out for you guys to have a double bed in Paris. I have to agree with LadyBug, I'd throw a blanket on the floor and ... go for it!
Enjoy Paris and London! I spent time in London as a child with my family on vacation, I would love to visit there as an adult with my sweetie.
Point taken, Ern. ;) And I'm glad the casserole turned out well!
Susie, you should know you'd never get trampled here at klog. Pinched, sure. Spanked, quite possibly. Even licked perhaps. But never trampled. :) And while typically we aren't sleep-beater-uppers, I contend that if I were made to sleep in a twin bed, Rob might get kicked. I'm just saying.
Doreen, I am deeply disappointed in Tony. That is all. (EFO - hee!)
You're right, Raz. And I know I sound a bit like a spoiled brat here, but well...um...okay, yeah I pretty much am. :) I am very blessed and so am shutting up now about the whole thing. And I blove you too, girl. :)
Hi Momo! How cool that you got to spend time in London as a kid! I'll think of you when I'm there. *hug*
Sorry I am late to this floor fucking party. Glad it worked out and there is no divorce!
I don't think it's that big a deal, the twin beds. The very thought of a Parisian trip for two sounds so lovely, anything else is icing on the cake. You better take lots of pictures! Of Paris! And you beside the L'arc de Triomphe! Vive la Kelli et Rob!
Amy, here at klog, the floor fucking party never ends. Wait, what?
WOW! Paris! I just got back from there and I must say, it is a nice city to be with the one you love.
Sleeping in separate beds when on holidays with the one you love is just wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Yes, $250 is a load of dosh, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Live a little. Hell, I don't you you folks, but I'll give you the cash.
In New Zealand, we had a little cabin with 4 beds in it. I joked that we could be in separate rooms. G took me seriously and ended up moving into one in the middle of the night. I was PISSED when I woke up and found him IN ANOTHER ROOM. Apparently, he was unable to sleep and did not want to wake me. Oh, ok, sweet idea, but BUGGER - get your skinny ass back into bed with me before I wake up.
You're a girl after my own heart, Tanya. :)