wtf? tuesday: express lane
kelly | 2 August 2005 - 9:25am
On a good week, Rob and I sketch out dinner plans for the week and then grocery shop Sunday for the stuff we'll need. Even so, I usually make at least one trip to the grocery store after work to pick up the one thing we forgot or the ingredients for whatever I just decided on a whim that I had to make. On a bad week, there is no pre-planning or major grocery shopping event and I may stop by the store after work multiple times, each trip being completely short-sighted only as far as that evening's dinner.
The point is that I am often getting 12 items or less, and am thus eligible for the express lane. Except that I'm not. Because the express lane at our grocery store? Yeah, IT DOESN'T TAKE CREDIT CARDS. But all the other lanes do. What the fuck, people? And the kicker? You can use CHECKS in the express lane but NOT credit cards. The sign specifically states: Express lane, 12 items or less, cash or check only. What the fuckity fuck? I triple dog dare anyone to write a check faster than I can swipe my card and sign.
I use plastic for EVERYTHING. No seriously, everything. A movie at Blockbuster? I swipe the card. A Starbucks coffee? I swipe the card. And if I don't swipe the card, I pay cash. I cannot remember the last time I wrote a check in public. The only thing I write checks for are the bills that we can't pay online.
So this whole cash or check only shit? Totally pisses me off. I never have enough cash to pay for the groceries. I realize I could just write a damn check, but that's a pain in the ass. And besides, it's the principle of the thing. So instead, I take my little basket of three items and wait in line behind the woman who is making her bi-annual trip to the grocery store and has five packages of toilet paper, 20-odd cans of beans, and enough bread to fill the bed of a pick-up truck. (Probably Ma Kettle, right ieatcrayonz?)
Seriously, cash or check only? That shit ain't right.
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Love this post, but...that woman in line in front of you? Probably isn't making a bi-annual trip. I, I mean SHE just has three kids and a husband who actually go through that many packages of toilet paper and cans of beans every month.
I'm sorry. I'm totally NOT raining on your WTF parade. ('cause, seriously? Why DOESN'T the express lane take credit cards?) But I am, I mean I FEEL SORRY for that woman with her shopping cart overflowing...and the 284 items she removes from said cart and places on the counter for scanning? There is NO WAY they will all fit back INTO the cart. And she'll be embarrassed, 'cause she'll have to get ANOTHER cart. And then she'll have to drag TWO carts to her car, 'cause this is Wal-Mart, and they don't have those acne-covered teenage boys to help load her groceries in her car, and...
Ahem. Sorry. I may have been projecting there.
Great, now the next time I see that lady I am going to feel compelled to give her a tight hug and tell her I "blove" her, and she is going to walk away saying "WTF?" and wondering Why the hell did that crazy girl just call me a ladybug?
PS - I always wondered about those people with TWO carts in the parking lot - now I totally get it!
In Oklahoma, we know better. Plastic is allowed in the express lanes. Do these stores know nothing about queueing theory? I always knew you were an industrial engineer in the making, K SiSta.
See, there you've got my sob story: twelve kids sitting on jumbo rolls of TP, hanging on to bags of day old bread and chicken giblets past their sell date on the back of the Beverly Hillbillies truck with Roscoe the mutt.
Now I'm really wishing I had a picture of the bread bank robbery clan.
Checks are obsolete. That is all.
I write 2 checks a month. 1 for rent. 1 for yoga. That is all. Our express lane takes cards, but always has about 15 people in line when the store is busy. Which is always when you are there to buy 1 loaf of bread. Or 1 bottle of wine. And that is all. WTF?
My experience is more like Ern's: while our express lane does take plastic, it usually takes just as long as they non-express lanes (especially since "express" has come to mean 20 items or less. TWENTY??? Give me a break!). I only go through express if 1) there is NO wait AND 2) I don't have a cart. I don't know why not having a cart is important, but I feel freer to go through express without it.
I have actually had managers at Walmart direct me, with my full >20-item cart, to go through the express (apparently because non-express is so busy). Like the chick behind me with two items is going to love THAT.
Plus...there are no tabloids in express lanes, and I need to get my headline fix :)
The only thing I write checks for is my rent. And that's only becuase I write them to my roommate -- landlord is fussy and doesn't want to have to deal with 2 checks from us, otherwise I'd prepare them online and have the bank mail them for me.
I didn't know people even carried around checkbooks anymore. I hardly ever even have cash, let alone a big honking checkbook. Plastic all the way! And If I spend another $538,462, I'll have earned enough Citibank "Thank You" points to get myself a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Score!
I feel for you, Kelly. That would suck. I hate when said Momma of five decides to go through self-checkout. Why isn't there a limit on that??
That happened to me at Dairy Queen the other day. No yummy ice cream treat for me. :( Bastards.
And rest assured, if you pick the express lane, you will be stuck behind someone writing a check. It's the law of the Grocery Gods.
"And Lo, there will be a check writer in the express lane, and she shall eighty years old and have many coupons. So spaketh the Grocery Gods."
Hilarious!
They totally should accept all forms of payment. They are just very back-asswards up there in Redneck Valley.
I too am all or nothing on shopping. Full week's meals planned out, shopping done, unless I get a wild hair to make something not on said plan. Or I'm there practically everynight getting just what I need (rather... what I can remember I need). Let me just say I HATE having to stop at the store on the way home from work and I LOATHE having to go back out to the store after I make it home.
Checkcards rule!!! Just ask John Stamos!
your reply to ladybug had soda coming out of my nose