major merv sightings!
kelly | 27 July 2005 - 11:43am
Y'all remember Merv, right? My buddy who lives across the street from my office building?
I like Merv. He provides me with a daily dose of nudity. At work! Granted, it is fat, hairy nudity, but it's nudity nonetheless! I don't think poor Merv has A/C because he always leaves his window open and sits at it, shirtless, whenever possible. As a result, I've gotten to know a little about Merv.
What I Know About Merv:
1. He likes to be naked.
2. He is friendly but not environmentally-friendly.
3. He eats four sandwiches for lunch. FAST.
Ever since my first Merv sighting, I have made it my mission to get some photos for you people. Let it be known that klog does not disappoint.
Now presenting Merv, for your viewing pleasure!
(Click on each one to see Merv up close and personal...you know you want to.)
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The first photo was taken one day when Merv made a rare morning appearance. He leaned out the window and yelled and waved at people down below on the sidewalk.
The other three shots are a sequence I took on a different day during Merv's lunch. Luckily for me, Merv eats his lunch on the windowsill. Here's his lunch process: He brings to the windowsill a plate, a stack of four meat/cheese/lettuce sandwiches (each in its own ziplock bag), chips, and a canned beverage or two. Sometimes he carries all of this over in a paper bag. He carefully extracts one sandwich at a time, opens it up, and dumps salt onto it from the salt shaker which almost always sits on his windowsill. He eats the sandwich two bites at a time - bite bite gulp, bite bite gulp, bite bite gulp, munch chips, guzzle soda, next sandwich. It is amazing to watch. That Merv can eat four sandwiches in less time than it takes me to eat one! I know because I've raced him.
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I can just picture this scenario at your office:
Your boss comes in. "Kelly, have you finished that report I asked you to do?"
"Yeah, umm, hang on. I'll get to it in a minute; I'm Merv-watching right now."
"You'll....what?"
"Yeah, he's almost through eating. Would you LOOK at that?"
(Of course, I have NO idea what you do at work. This is just the scene that played out in my head.)
You have your own ugly naked guy, like on Friends. Awww. Congratulations.
For some reason, I have a feeling my dad knows him. My dad knows everybody in Redneck valley. I'll try to send a picture and see if he recognizes, Merv!
I think you should rent some trained birds to fly over there and steal his sandwiches. And then photograph the event.
Just a thought.
I assume Merv smokes as well because in the first picture (I clicked to see up close and personal..I admit I wanted to) it appears there is an ashtray on the window sill.
He sort of looks like an old Philly mob boss who went into the witness protection program. Ralph ...somebody.
Actually, LadyBug, I buzz my boss on the phone every time Merv makes an appearance. And she comes running down the hall to see him. Teehee!
Yay, grace is back!
Your dad probably does know him, Doreen. But I think I almost prefer Merv being a mystery man.
A bunch of birds flew by my window as I was reading your comment, Sherri. Freaky.
I saw that too, william. I have never seen Merv smoke, but it's probably a pretty good hunch. And he does totally look like a mob boss!
That is one sexy hunk o' Merv meat. Why you hoggin all the Merv there girl? Clearly a man who can put away 4 sandwhichs like that is a force of nature we lowly mortals can't quite understand.
Merv seems to have his own, hairy, pudgy version of boobin it up going on.
Hmmm, Merv the Perv appears to have migrated all the hair on his head to his back, shoulders, chest...oh Lord, please tell me that is a banana in that picture!
1st picture: Merv practices waving the life flight team over to his window as he will no longer able to leave his home through the front door judging from his current dietary habits.
Honestly, what's the point of the ziplocs? This is his home, right? I hope he's not wearing his birthday suit to work.
Some investigation is needed here. What's the story? If you have his address, you may be able to get some criss-cross help in figuring it all out.
Maybe he has a lady who makes him lunches, thinking that he's working, when really he's just hanging out at home all day watching "One Life to Live" and the Jane Pauley Show.
Oh yes, Merv is definitely boobin' it up, Jess!
ieatz, I KNOW! I do not get the ziploc thing either. Totally perplexes me, it does.
mrtl, he eats lunch between 3:00 and 4:00, so my guess is that he works night shift. But that doesn't explain the pre-packed lunches...
so wrong and yet I can't look away..
AWESOME.
It's like 'Rear Window'. You have to come up with your own plot. I love it and I love that you took pictures. You are such a good lil kitten.
MERV! What a hunk of burning love. I can't wait to see full frontal nudity photos.
wow. For the record I did not click on a one of those pics.
Interesting enough, I have a Merv that lives across the street. He wears shorts every single day of the year. They look like they may have fit him in 1983. But he is the nicest guy in the world and I love him and his poly shorts.
Long live Merv and his sammich eatin' self.
I'm thinking Merv's mom makes his lunch and brings it to him every day. And he eats it so late because he won't let her in his apartment so she leaves it outside the door and waits a while to make sure she has actually left.
Hilarious! Does Merv know he's a celeb? Does he know you have been snapping his picture? Has he ever waved at you?
I now have a goal in life. I want to be Ugly Naked Merv. Thank you.
Merv is great! Do you think somebody makes his lunch for him? I love the fact that your boss runs down to see him too! Hurray that you got photos for us. I look forward to more mysterious Merv in future.
here's my theory: mr. merv (short for "mervert") is a cleaning lady...so to speak. his wife packs him his lunch, and he goes to that building and that office/apartment/whatever, and he cleans it. and he may always watch "one life to live" at the same time. then, he takes a break from cleaning, and he eats his lunch, happily giving kalki a little "show". he has to eat quickly, though, since he's "on the clock" and must get back to cleaning. he gets so hot whilst cleaning that he takes off his shirt. he's just that kind of guy. ;)
song, that's exactly how I feel all day long at work.
:) to Torrie.
::purring:: Thank you, greenie.
Oh my, I'm not sure any of us can handle the full frontal nudity of Merv, Von. I think he wears pants, but I'm not sure because every time he stands up at the window I shriek, cover my eyes, and look away.
Welcome jana! And I admit that Merv makes my day. I miss him on the days I don't see him.
Ah, that's a good hunch, Bente! I wonder what Merv's mom looks like...
I have never met Merv, Momo, and our windows are mirrored on the outside so I don't think he can see me. Sometimes he'll look this way and it looks like he's looking right at me. And I duck.
Ooh, I would love that, Nilbo!
Merv is great! And yes, I think somebody must make his lunch for him, Weetzie, but why?
Definitely the most interesting theory so far, Raz!
I know it's not the cool thing to do be anything other than supportive of K's stories, but I have to say, this guy, too, deserves our love.
Oh, I agree, Mr. Mojo. And I for one do love Merv, wholeheartedly.
Hey kalki! William posted this link in Meegs' blog because she has a naked guy too, and I recognized it as your blog so I followed it and WHOA! That's too funny. I'm really really curious about Merv now. Sometimes I wish I worked in a highrise.