Yesterday after work I stopped by the grocery store to pick up milk because we ran out. We ran out because we didn’t buy any milk when we did our weekly grocery shopping on Sunday. We didn’t buy any milk on Sunday because Rob said we still had enough in the fridge to last the week. Before we left, I had looked at the amount of milk left in the fridge and determined that we didn’t have enough to last the week, but once at the grocery store, Rob, who had not looked at the existing milk level, decided that we did in fact have enough milk. In fact, I believe his exact words were, “I didn’t see the milk, but I’m sure we have enough to make it through the week.” And I, who did in fact see the milk, said, “I don’t think so” but went along with it anyway. Turns out, I was right and I totally should have taken a bet on whether or not we’d have enough milk to last the week.

So as a result, yesterday I found myself at the grocery store after work. After work I am raw. Raw with fatigue, raw with annoyance, raw with hunger. And because I know the rule (Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry) I planned my route in advance: directly to the milk, directly to the checkout, and directly to my car. And I can tell you honestly that I did walk directly to the milk, then directly to the checkout, and then directly to my car. I cannot help that there are cookies, donuts, and ice cream all along the most direct path to the milk. And I can tell you honestly that I did not buy donuts or ice cream because to get to the donuts and ice cream one must stop and open glass cases, and as you remember I was traveling DIRECTLY in all directions. However, the cookies sit out on tables in the middle of the path to the milk. As in, you must walk around the tables on your way to the milk. Still, everything would have been fine if it weren’t for the sign. Long before I got to the cookie table I saw the sign: “MVP Buy: 2 for $5” The 2 was referring to the plastic bins of mini-cookies that I absolutely love. These are quarter-sized cookies that you can eat like 12 of and still not have exceeded the suggested serving size. Now, I could have just bought 1 bin for $2.50 (cause MVP discounts are cool like that) but I then noticed (still walking, still on my direct path to the milk) that there were two different kinds of mini-cookies which just so happened to be my two favorite kinds: White-Chocolately Chip and Snickerdoodle. Clearly this was meant to be and I would be a fool to mess with fate. So as I scooted around the cookie table, on the way to the milk, I snagged 2 bins of mini-cookies without so much as a pause. And as I did, I saw the (regular-sized) No-Bake Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies. It was too late to grab those on the way to the milk, but I totally snatched them up on my way from the milk directly to the checkout. This was quite a feat, actually, because I did not have a cart or basket (only planning to buy milk, after all) and so my hands were rather occupied juggling my gallon of milk and 2 bins of mini-cookies. But where there’s a will…

So I paid $12 for milk and cookies and then continued directly to my car where I proceeded to tear open, in raw-after-work fashion, the No-Bake Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies and shove one whole into my mouth. And during my 1-mile direct route home, I ate another one. And in the driveway I ate one more. And I can tell you honestly that this is a direct route to feeling very fat and very without will-power.

Lesson learned: Don’t trust your husband to know how much milk is left in the fridge.